That's my tentatively rescheduled return to Senegal! I'm both excited and nervous about it (excited for obvious reasons, nervous because it's a learning thing for me - I want to do well, but I know I have a lot to learn).
My time home, while definitely not over, has been pretty enjoyable. A little frustrating and perhaps a bit boring at times, but there have certainly been a number of highlights, highest of which was going to a friend's cottage this past weekend. Although I did something to my stomach that it is slowly recovering from still, the pain was certainly well worth the going out.
Plus, being back, I was able to see my new nephew, born of my half sister Ashlea. And simply being back with friends and family has been good.
Oh, but most importantly? I get a winter! Yaaa. You have no idea just how much I enjoyed that deep freeze we had about 1 1/2 weeks ago. It was amazing. I love weather like that.
Anyways, I want to say thank you to everyone who has written me over the past number of months. I thank you all for your prayers, cards, calls, emails and visits of support. All were greatly appreciated. I'm content to say that my head is back to normal, and that I am looking forward to focusing my energy once again on my work.
In the meantime, this post will rest short. I have some readings related to work that I should get to doing, especially now knowing there's a greater overall purpose for them!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Pestilence
Days progress
Weeks prolong
Aches persist
Ailing hope's song
Here am I?
I am sent
But of my understanding
Much is spent
Try to be calm
Who's to blame?
God's nudging me
A revealing flame
Life is not
Categories separated
Yet smoothed transitions
Are celebrated
Present bleeds to future
Still life's call carries
Be still, and know
Though circumstance varies
Time tells stories
Whose ends we now don't know
So be patient and trust
Wait, ask, and when restored Go
. . . destroy that pestilence which persists in me
Weeks prolong
Aches persist
Ailing hope's song
Here am I?
I am sent
But of my understanding
Much is spent
Try to be calm
Who's to blame?
God's nudging me
A revealing flame
Life is not
Categories separated
Yet smoothed transitions
Are celebrated
Present bleeds to future
Still life's call carries
Be still, and know
Though circumstance varies
Time tells stories
Whose ends we now don't know
So be patient and trust
Wait, ask, and when restored Go
. . . destroy that pestilence which persists in me
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Of R and R
(that is response and reaction)
This is a post of response/reaction in three ways:
1) I might try to more often respond to comments posted. No promises (of course!) that it will be 100% consistency, or that I will respond once I return to Senegal, but in the meantime, recheck every now and again if you've posted something from here on in.
2) My doctor's visit was also a responsive affair: I have a CT scan scheduled for the 14th of February and a follow up with the doctor the 21st. These new dates will at least enable us, hopefully, to identify whether things will return to 100% only with time or whether there is reason to believe problems are persisting due to 'mechanical under-achievement.' If nothing appears to be wrong, then there is at least the possibility of starting to discuss when I might return to Senegal. If, on the other hand, it would seem something still isn't right, at least we can deal with those things right away. Not that I would be content with that suggestion for obvious reasons and concerns.
3) In the mean time, I'll try to react in ways that I can. Today begins a day of resource research and reading once again. In this calm environment, though, I hope to thoroughly delve into the concepts at hand. Hopefully they will inspire me in my work some way when I return. (fingers crossed)
Lastly, praise the Lord for all these really neat developments. Step by step, I hope, even while I'm fully aware of the uphill battle that still might lie in front of me. All the same, I'm feeling able to at least engage my work however that may be possible given my detachment from the field. I trust it will be useful to some degree.
And yes, I hope you're all, in your own ways, enjoying what we traditionally understand as R and R!
This is a post of response/reaction in three ways:
1) I might try to more often respond to comments posted. No promises (of course!) that it will be 100% consistency, or that I will respond once I return to Senegal, but in the meantime, recheck every now and again if you've posted something from here on in.
2) My doctor's visit was also a responsive affair: I have a CT scan scheduled for the 14th of February and a follow up with the doctor the 21st. These new dates will at least enable us, hopefully, to identify whether things will return to 100% only with time or whether there is reason to believe problems are persisting due to 'mechanical under-achievement.' If nothing appears to be wrong, then there is at least the possibility of starting to discuss when I might return to Senegal. If, on the other hand, it would seem something still isn't right, at least we can deal with those things right away. Not that I would be content with that suggestion for obvious reasons and concerns.
3) In the mean time, I'll try to react in ways that I can. Today begins a day of resource research and reading once again. In this calm environment, though, I hope to thoroughly delve into the concepts at hand. Hopefully they will inspire me in my work some way when I return. (fingers crossed)
Lastly, praise the Lord for all these really neat developments. Step by step, I hope, even while I'm fully aware of the uphill battle that still might lie in front of me. All the same, I'm feeling able to at least engage my work however that may be possible given my detachment from the field. I trust it will be useful to some degree.
And yes, I hope you're all, in your own ways, enjoying what we traditionally understand as R and R!
Monday, February 5, 2007
When and why? (but then again, really, it doesn't matter)
Those are probably the two main questions I am asking right now, given my circumstances. When will the headaches both go away and stay away? When might I be able to go back? When will I know what the problem is, if there even is a problem? When will it get fixed if there is a problem?
Why do I have headaches? Is it just a matter of time before they go away? Why the disruption to the internship? Is there a reason behind it, or is it circumstantial. Frankly, as I've explained to many people before, I'm totally loving being back. I love winter, I'm loving this cold shock (again, I'm sitting inside and not working outside in it). Still, I love the deep freeze, and my excuse is that I still need to be careful with my body on some level. Can't always push, and can't push too hard. I also love reconnecting with friends, making plans (however shaky) to go snowboarding, to hit up a friend's cottage (less shaky, but would also be a testament to just how long it's taking to confirm my recovery as well as the longevity of my being back . . . boo).
All in all, though, despite the questions and frustrations that stem from that, here's what my thoughts are on the situation:
Right in this moment, I'm okay. I love being back, loving reconnecting (as previously stated). I also firmly believe that it's not always (just) a question of "it's part of God's plan." Frankly, to that, I say, "of course it is" At what point in the last 3 months have things not been a part of God's plan? So, for those that say it, I only believe you're stating what should be an obvious reality.
In the meantime, I'm slowly starting to like the way I feel I can keep on doing whatever it is God wants me to do wherever I am, whatever the circumstance. Just because things don't work out the way you expected doesn't mean you've lost the ability to live out the Gospel* in your current circumstance. That's what makes, for me at least, life so exciting: I'm realizing that you can live out the Gospel wherever you find yourself, and that, just in itself, makes living life exciting enough. I'll just keep 'living out the Gospel' here (as best as I know and am learning how) until I can live it out in another place. Really, it's only when things in life stop changing, when you stop looking for new ways to engage people spiritually, that life gets boring and somewhat purposeless. Again, at least for me. Since I'm not there yet with my being home, then I'm not worried for the moment.
All I know is that if the internship continues, and is extended for a few months as a result of the delay, I'm content. If the internship is canned, but continues a year from now, I'm content. If the internship is totally thrown out, I know I can find one with another organization next year anyways. And, if the internship doesn't continue, I can spend time working, paying off this giant nuisance called debt, and then, during this time, just think about whether or not to tackle an internship or perhaps pursue master's studies in the field of missions and development, wherever a program like that might exist.
Summary? Phil 4:11. Not that I truly believe I've arrived at that point, but I'm learning . . .
So, whatever. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the sparkling white stuff!
Bonne journée
*While not wanting to use coded words or statements, I realize that this point might sound bizarre to some, not really knowing how to understand what I mean. I'm also sure that my point is clear to many others, but really, all I'm trying to get at through the statement is probably an idea well captured by reformed theology (again, not to suggest other theologies haven't captured it - since I grew up in the CRC, it's purely a matter of circumstance that I identify the influence of reformed theology in my understandings of some things). It lends itself to the idea that anything and everything done in life, wherever you are, and whatever you're doing, can be done in such a way that people see evidence of Jesus' message to the world in those words or actions.
Why do I have headaches? Is it just a matter of time before they go away? Why the disruption to the internship? Is there a reason behind it, or is it circumstantial. Frankly, as I've explained to many people before, I'm totally loving being back. I love winter, I'm loving this cold shock (again, I'm sitting inside and not working outside in it). Still, I love the deep freeze, and my excuse is that I still need to be careful with my body on some level. Can't always push, and can't push too hard. I also love reconnecting with friends, making plans (however shaky) to go snowboarding, to hit up a friend's cottage (less shaky, but would also be a testament to just how long it's taking to confirm my recovery as well as the longevity of my being back . . . boo).
All in all, though, despite the questions and frustrations that stem from that, here's what my thoughts are on the situation:
Right in this moment, I'm okay. I love being back, loving reconnecting (as previously stated). I also firmly believe that it's not always (just) a question of "it's part of God's plan." Frankly, to that, I say, "of course it is" At what point in the last 3 months have things not been a part of God's plan? So, for those that say it, I only believe you're stating what should be an obvious reality.
In the meantime, I'm slowly starting to like the way I feel I can keep on doing whatever it is God wants me to do wherever I am, whatever the circumstance. Just because things don't work out the way you expected doesn't mean you've lost the ability to live out the Gospel* in your current circumstance. That's what makes, for me at least, life so exciting: I'm realizing that you can live out the Gospel wherever you find yourself, and that, just in itself, makes living life exciting enough. I'll just keep 'living out the Gospel' here (as best as I know and am learning how) until I can live it out in another place. Really, it's only when things in life stop changing, when you stop looking for new ways to engage people spiritually, that life gets boring and somewhat purposeless. Again, at least for me. Since I'm not there yet with my being home, then I'm not worried for the moment.
All I know is that if the internship continues, and is extended for a few months as a result of the delay, I'm content. If the internship is canned, but continues a year from now, I'm content. If the internship is totally thrown out, I know I can find one with another organization next year anyways. And, if the internship doesn't continue, I can spend time working, paying off this giant nuisance called debt, and then, during this time, just think about whether or not to tackle an internship or perhaps pursue master's studies in the field of missions and development, wherever a program like that might exist.
Summary? Phil 4:11. Not that I truly believe I've arrived at that point, but I'm learning . . .
So, whatever. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the sparkling white stuff!
Bonne journée
*While not wanting to use coded words or statements, I realize that this point might sound bizarre to some, not really knowing how to understand what I mean. I'm also sure that my point is clear to many others, but really, all I'm trying to get at through the statement is probably an idea well captured by reformed theology (again, not to suggest other theologies haven't captured it - since I grew up in the CRC, it's purely a matter of circumstance that I identify the influence of reformed theology in my understandings of some things). It lends itself to the idea that anything and everything done in life, wherever you are, and whatever you're doing, can be done in such a way that people see evidence of Jesus' message to the world in those words or actions.
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