Cruising in my car

I've had a lot of time over the last number of weeks, and especially over the last two, to really think about my situation, where I was hoping to go versus where I currently am and where it seems I'm likely to be headed.

It's interesting finding myself at this crossroads, this stop sign of sorts. I'm positive that everyone has phases in life where they experience the exact same thing. Still, I'm left waiting at the stop sign, not fully sure I'm going to be heading further along on the same path. More likely, it seems the longer I wait here, that I'll be turning left or right.

But what direction? And while that's an interesting question, I've learned a bit while idling that in God's view, we're not always responsible to keep on driving. Stops are a natural part of riding on the road. On top of that, however, while we often need to keep our eyes focused there, we are also encouraged to look around us, see what's going on and just chill. And stop signs are just as much an opportunity to do that, with the exception that we're allowed to let our eyes linger in a few spots for a slightly longer period of time.

And that's okay.

And that's what I still haven't fully grasped yet but is something I'm learning. Just stop. Shut up and listen. And look around. We're all allowed to do that every now and again.

Just God teaches us to do that at times when all we wanted to do after quickly approaching the sign was to hit the gas again and be off, eager to drive farther, go faster.

Ironically, sometimes in so doing, life can turn into a blur.

I didn't think mine was; still not sure it was. But again, I'm slowly learning that perhaps there's something that God wants to say, some scenery he wants me not just to glance over but to really look at for a little while before driving away.

Huh. There's been a lot to think about. Feel free to join me in the thought process. I say this because I know it will train you, but because of my type, it will also help me. (extroversion on my part requires me to just 'talk it out.' I should try out for Wheel of Fortune)

Happy driving. Keep your eyes on the road, but look around.

And every now and again, even though you don't have to, make a full stop at the four ways. You'll never know what you see in a way you woulddn't have otherwise.

Painting an accurate picture

So as not to give a 'more righteous than thou' feeling to my blog, anyone should know that today was and has been a 'blah' day. I had a really fun evening with friends last night. Good times, good gaming, a great movie.

But, I think going to bed that late isn't so good for me. Even with enough hours of sleep to compensate, it just makes the movement of the day...off.

I haven't yet had my quiet time. Just not able to focus. That's probably rooted in an overall annoyance, frustration, and boredom with my circumstance. I alluded to that yesterday.

Life's daily doings have very little meaning or focus right now; nothing seems to be changing, nothing seems to be too new (now again, realize I'm still in my 'blah' mood). So, I'm just waiting for something exciting to happen. I guess it doesn't help I'm not supposed to drive. Can't get out, can't go anywhere. And, can't do anything (or else, very little).

So boo.

I'm glad time changes everything and that time itself is reigned over by God.

Ssshhhhh

I guess I'm being encouraged to slow down.

I was hospitalized for yet another time this past Monday. It's Thursday, and I was just released from the hospital.

Shunt malfunctioned again. Infectious disease something or other clogged the 'piping.' The humour of the past number of days was found at the beginning. My first memory, basically, is waking up in the hospital room post-op thinking, 'What? What is thi . . . Why am I here? Aww, boo. Jeez." And then asking others to fill in the details, only a few of which I really remember.

The two weeks of antibiotics treatment that follows my release from the hospital puts me to March 14. The follow up doctor's appointment? Puts me past March 16. So, no returning to Senegal on March 16.

For those who might still be reading this blog, that puts me at a new crossroads. Where next? What the heck am I supposed to be doing with my useless self. I neither have the patience to wait any more to get better nor do I want to sit around and do nothing with my time. And yet, here I will be, sitting, waiting, waiting . . . waiting.

Over the next few weeks, I want to be in prayer and Scripture about other next steps I might be being encouraged to take. I've mentioned this to a number of friends and family already: I'm not naive enough to ignore what's been going on, but I'm also not rash enough to jump to unnecessary conclusions just because of difficult times. So, I hope to spend some time in quiet.

It's what the title refers to. God wants me to be quiet, I think, to simply listen and reflect.

So, because I have loads of time on my hands, it seems, I will be working to do just that.

If it interests you in any way, both for my sake, but also for your own, I invite you to do the same. You never know what we both might discover.

I don't know what I'll find, but frankly, I have few demands to make since I've never really done something like this before. So, it will be a new discipline for me. And I hope it provides some insight and direction. I'm trusting that it will.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." – PSALMS 37:7A