Comments on the day

For those who read it, you'll notice the last post 'Grrr' was deleted.

It was written during a time of too much stress.

Not completely inaccurate, but not exactly a useful post. You'd all freak out.

In reference to it:
Today was odd. I feel all at once unsure of what to do but also aware of a number of threads to look at.
Most of my stress today comes from judging where I'm at right now.
I deem the first 4 - 5 weeks as a really frustrating, unproductive, messed up period of time.
But the last 4 -5 weeks have been really interesting.

Just, where does that leave me?
On what foundation do I build the remaining 3 months?

I do have direction, and I do have purpose.
I just don't necessarily feel I have good context (because of the unproductivity of the first 5 weeks, the times spent in the villages). And thus, with a lack of context, sort of a lack of justification for narrowing the focus to what I have: agro-forestry, tree management, and the natural regeneration of trees.

Mind you, perhaps again I'm being too hard on myself.
But at the same time, I will still say I would have expected better of myself.

I've realized, though, that 'manipulating' people to get information, if you will, is a lot harder than 'manipulating' electronic journals and other online documents. You only need to read the latter whereas the former you have to really know what you're looking for or you won't receive it.
Plus there's all the investment stuff, the side of it all where they really do deserve to know that you care about who they are before they tell you anything remotely of the truth.
So, it's understandable.

There are three things I'm focusing in on right now (and that still makes it hard):
1) Discussions on the worthiness of leaving trees alone in farm fields (essentially a preliminary form of agro-forestry, sort of)

2) Research into understanding the meaning of les Conventions Locales and other projects relating to natural resource management and governance

3) And related to this second point, trying to network with a few of these organizations to see if there is reason for World Vision to try to replicate the process or to see if some form of partnership can exist between them. Or perhaps, merely to learn of the experiences that these organizations have had.

It can make for a busy schedule, and yes, I haven't really figured out yet how to do it all or what will be appropriate use of my time.

I'll have to talk with my mentor about that.

So, that's where I'm at.

Today was frustrating, I couldn't think through things very well despite myself, but at the end of the day, this is where I am.

Next week, I'll take further steps forward.

And then 1 week of vacation. I'm looking forward to it . . .

Purpose

As I've begun talking with other organizations here in Dakar, I've realized that at least the concept behind my work is really important. No one's really doing it.

What is it?

Listening.

And what is my work mostly about?

Questioning.
And listening . . .

And oh I'm so very good at that, in English, back home, let alone in French and in another context. Ha ha ha ha.

How ironic.

But really, at the end of the day, at the end of my work, evaluating my time here will have a lot to do with how well I listened to God, to myself, and to others.

The major question that remains is how deep I can go in listening. How much will people be willing to tell me.

How do I get them to?
And that's still the hard part for me. How to facilitate it so we get beyond the surface.

Honestly, I'm all ears. Just tell me.
(I wish it were that easy)

Do you want to know where your donor money goes?
Investing in people like me who are learning how to listen. So that through that process, I (we) might help organizations like WV do more effective work.

More importantly, by listening to people, we might come along side them, care for them, and most importantly, empower them to help themselves.
. . .

I went to a meeting today with the Centre de Suivi Ecologique. They implemented a project on natural resource management and governance (at the heart of governance is empowerment). In my opinion, although designed superbly, it also still missed the boat.

Two major weaknesses:
1 Implementing a project that requires inputs people don't have. (so how will it be continued after they're gone? And, how will it be replicated?)
2 They didn't really listen to the people.
They did, very well, even.
But yet, they didn't.
Because I don't think they ever got to the point of asking, 'Once we leave, once nothing is left to support you, do you care about what we've done, what you've done?'
And if not, why not?

. . .
So we return to my work: exploring people's perceptions, behaviours, and attitudes towards the environment.

What are yours?
And how do we expect the poor to think more highly of the environment than we do back home.
Yet again, they should more so than us because they depend more immediately on it.
Hmmm.

Such an interestingly difficult issue to explore for me.
. . .
So, it's clear, but it's not.
It's a work in progress.
It's a becoming.
. . .
I'm going to spend all tomorrow trying to think about how I can engage people in constructive conversation.

And then I'm off to the beach for the weekend with some of the youth from the Roman Catholic church in Fatick. It should be an interesting weekend.
. . .
And then vacation!!!
I'm going to Saint Louis, right at the Mauritanian border. I'm gonna look into crossing into Mauritania. Maybe do a touristy desert trek . . .

. . .

NEwho, it's 8 pm, and I have a dinner meeting at 8:30. So, I gotta jet.

Hope you're all well back home.

Pray for inspiration to lead innovative discussions.
Pray for the well-being of the villagers.
Pray that God would raise up people to listen to them.
(me? I'm still trying to figure that out . . .!)

Responsibility and Calling

I think a lot. When you're by yourself, and if you're me, you think a lot. Don't be too concerned. These are just thoughts. There are feelings behind some of them, especially those thoughts that talk of being annoyed at people. But, they are thoughts, and I've been enjoying myself all the same in Senegal for the last number of weeks especially. You just have the privilege of reading my thoughts. If that interests you. If you think it's a worthy consideration to ponder on.

I thought a bunch this morning about my responsibilities and my call as a Christian here in Dakar, here in Fatick, here in the villages. Here in Senegal. Here I am (send me . . .)

But when you ask me for 'cadeaux' all the time, ask me for gifts, for money, for 'friendship', for phone numbers, addresses, help to get a visa, help to get to Canada. Help to marry your daughter or take your child back to Canada. When you ask me for these things, when, essentially, you demand these things from me, I'm left usually no longer caring.

It's such an odd situation. Such a disappointing or confusing reaction. I wouldn't have wanted it to be that way. In fact, I'm still trying to find niches where I can give in the absence of annoyance. Where I can give in such a way that I feel like I've wanted to give, and not felt obliged to do so.

I enjoy giving, if only people didn't expect it I guess.
Actually, I'd be content being ignorant of their expectations and just assume that they don't see it coming. Just don't ask me for something.
. . .
University taught me to idealize. University is about fresh ideas, innovative thinking, and far-flung hopes and aspirations that mean nothing unless the same people that have them actually live them out. I wonder how many do. Too few, I think.

In my living it out, I don't always feel as excited about giving myself up to people as I would have thought I would have wanted to. Because it's no longer that I would do it out of interest, but rather, out of feeling obligated, feeling greedy, of clenching my fist, keeping tabs on my money, my wallet, my MP3 player, my cellphone.

And yet, always, on some level, they're right. Sort of. And why is it that the one with means says that it shouldn't be about the means. What is that? Aren't we the hypocrites then?

Why do I get to judge who I give a meager portion of my means to. How much do I own what I possess. Would it be God's intention that I ever came to look at my means in this way?
. . .

"If as followers of Jesus we understood our "being blessed" not as a circumstance to be 'thankful' for but rather as a tool to be used to bless others, we would capture the spirit inherent in our call."

? What does that mean? How far do you take that? (what did Jesus do? sorry about the cliché, but I wonder about it)

Sandals, a tunic, and yet he was home in his own culture, no? (and he could make food if ever he wanted it . . . (yes, not exactly, but do you get somewhat my point?) )

Do you become a hypocrite where words and aspirations don't line up with living feelings and real life?

Or who is only now finally coming to terms with a passion to use means for what they are - means to an end and not the end itself. Coming to terms that that passion has existed only in theory till now. Now it's a passion that can breathe.
. . .

Those grimy, greasy little kids running around barefoot at gas stations, asking for money, which they end up only giving to their spiritual leader anyways.

The barefooted boys who chase geckos along the wall and when they catch them, smash them to pieces.

Those in wheelchairs, waiting outside the bank, hoping you'll give them money when you come away from withdrawing an amount of money that is nothing to us but far too much money for them.

Those in the villages with whom I work, they are the women and children and men of the degraded fields of Senegal.
. . .

Isn't it just too easy for us to say no to people who ask. To people who pester and demand. And yet, but where do you draw the line.

I say no.
Because when you ask me, when you demand it of me, when you expect it, I no longer want to care.

I just wonder whether I should care.
. . .

It's not so much about the money as much as it is about the attitude. I have white skin, therefore you will talk to me first.
And the realization that the 100 CFA (20 cents) or 500 CFA ($1) won't change your life one bit.

. . .
At the moment, I would rather invest in your empowerment than care about your daily demand. I would rather you learn to fish than for me to give you one.

Cause then you'll never stop asking.
Worse still, you'll do nothing and just expect something.
. . .
I think human poverty has degraded the human spirit the greatest when it has brought someone to the point where they no longer believe in themselves.

And ironically, in my opinion, giving can sometimes fuel that degradation of spirit.
. . .
Give carefully.
Give wisely.
Give prayerfully.
Only in this very moment have I realized that giving will be much richer if ever it should become not an act of self but a reaction to Spirit moving in self, prompting one to give.
. . .

It's time to go home. I've thought enough.
And most of you are possibly lost.
So might I be.
Feel free, if you find your way, to write a comment or two!

Balance

I think things are finally coming to.

I say that in light of knowing that I won't be spending more than 1 consecutive week (or two) in the villages for the next month or so.

You could say I'm wimping out a bit, perhaps, but frankly, I'm glad for the mix of ideas swirling around. As the title suggests, it creates a slightly better balance.

It has quite a bit to do with space to think more intentionally about what I'm doing in the villages now though. With going into the villages the second time, and with having a better sense of where all of this is going for the next little while, I'm trying to make sure that the time I spend there is more focused, more directed towards something specific.

In hindsight, I would have loved to have this perspective earlier, but part of me also believes that that really wouldn't have been possible. In fact, even with the 'focused' discussions I'm having, I feel like sometimes they're a little fabricated. As though I'm touching on a subject that interests me without knowing whether or not or to what extent it even interests the people I'm talking to. I guess perhaps that's part of it. But, in terms of 'development', it seems to be a bit forced. A bit fabricated.

Still, I'm glad for the focus. I'm glad for the interesting points and reasons people have made and given.
. . .
This coming week, I'm in Dakar. I need to figure out how to direct conversations in these cases as well. To take advantage of the scarce time I have with people. But again, at least there seems to be a focus I'm starting to take.
. . .
After that, I'll be in another village for another week. Then vacation for 1 week. Then the last village. Then a workshop, again in Dakar. (I love Dakar, and I'm glad to be able to go there).
. . .
There is great wisdom expressed to me by my supervisor when explaining to me that it is more helpful for development money to be spent on training people to train others than it is to simply give people something. It's all about empowerment, and that, truly, is what development should be all about. Still, I think there's room for improvement when it comes to efficiency to get to that point where people are being empowered . . .
. . .

This week had a number of challenges. People were working in their fields. There was the weekly market Thursday, and a Thursday afternoon football match (that took away my translator for that block of time). Monday's conversation was a flop. Tuesday morning I arranged Wednesday's meetings. Tuesday night, no one showed up. Wednesday morning, I had a good conversation with some women. Wednesday night, none of the young men I had wanted to talk to were around because they had all gone to the August 15, Assumption (Ascension) celebrations in Fatick. Thursday morning was a good conversation with the men. Thursday afternoon, a weaker one because the translation wasn't as helpful as it usually is. Certainly, I need to be helped along in my work at times by the translator, and since they were all at football, the young boy that helped me did an excellent job all things considered. Certainly, it shows that I have much to learn about asking good questions. Friday morning was a decent conversation with a group of women. And that's it.

In between those conversations, I did a bunch of weed-picking in the fields, walking around, hanging out, talking with people, eating rice, eating couscous, eating couscous. But, there was a bit of variation in evening meals, so I survived a week. That was nice. But, I'll tell you, I get tired of the food, mostly, even after only 1 week. I wonder what that means.
. . .

But ya, I'll have to say that despite the challenges, it was a really good week, if only because I was asking a set group of questions, and simply probing. I was also on some level, calling people's bluffs (at least, as I see them). This might not be correct, but frankly, it's useful sometimes if you want to get at heart of the mater of something.
. . .

At any rate, I'm going to go swimming in Dakar tomorrow, hopefully play some tennis, and work on a summary document of les Conventions Locales so that that is ready for a meeting I have in Dakar some time this week with IED. While the date is not determined, I'm sure it'll happen. I've learned the value of using my cell phone to bug people. Otherwise, nothing ever happens.
. . .

And oh how I'm so glad that my cell phone works in the villages.
. . .

NEWho, it's 8 pm. I have to leave the office now. I just finished my 8 page report on the week. Now off to dinner.
. . .
God has been gracious.
But keep on praying!
Especially for the villagers. And that the conversations I have with them will be insightful.

My Canadian gift parcels

They both arrived. Both.

Both about 7 - 10 days after they were sent from Canada.

Dec 18 and July 11
Dec 28 and July 19.

Today is August 10.

I was never told.
World Vision never received notice.
You do the math.
. . .

All the food out of the first parcel was completely gone, save for most of the packets of gum, and, surprisingly, the chocolate sprinkles . . . ha ha ha, they took everything, but left the chocolate sprinkles (and by they, I mean the rats or mice).

So whoo hoo, I have choc sprinkles to munch on.
. . .
The second parcel was untouched. Everything still there. Awesome.
. . .

Only now, I have a tonne of sugar to charge through. And a whack of Canadian souvenirs to give away. Not exactly sure how to do this because the villages are 'greedy' for presents. Always asking for them. Makes me not want to give them anything even while I want to give them everything.
. . .
Developing country systems, I've learned, are developing.
i.e. unreliable.
i.e. do it yourself (a recurring theme it seems since WV staff were supposed to receive these parcels and then send them to me. And even today, a WV driver was supposed to take care of it. And then they didn't)
i.e. the internship will be what I make it. I carry the responsibility. And the fall out (positive or negative if there is any).

In this case, I'm glad I took care of things myself. The person that was supposed to have gone today would have blindly paid the $40 USD they were asking me to pay for the destroyed December parcel. I was incensed. I only paid about $15 USD for the two packets combined.

In reality, I shouldn't have paid at all, because even the second parcel was there since July 19 (3 weeks ago), and no one was informed.
. . .

NEwho, they've arrived, I'm glad, although unsure what to do with all of it now.
. . .
I'll just know for next time to go there directly about 10 days after anything is sent, confirmation numbers in hand.
. . .
Unbelievable.
I have to get to work.

Structure and Uncertainty

Structure took away my freedoms. It's still the very thing that helps me survive, and in most ways is still required. But, the foundations of structure are sometimes giving way to Uncertainty.

Everything is changing, really, and since the structure of the first bit of this internship didn't prove to be too healthy (too much rigidity in what I was 'supposed' to do and not enough time to think), I'm just trying to give things over to change.
. . .

November is pretty much a go. So, I'll be here until the end of November instead of the end of October. It breathes life and freedom into the internship.
. . .
I will forever be trying to figure out what to talk about, but perhaps more accurately, how to talk about what it is I want to.
. . .
I'm wanting to believe (waiting to see whether I'll dare) that networking and doing life is more important than output when it comes to the village visits. I'm still not sure how to do both at the same time . . .
. . .
And I want to learn the language.
And the history and culture of the people through readings as well as conversations.
So much to talk about, so little time, and often the tongue isn't present (no translator = no translation) (thus the desire to learn the language)
. . .
My schedule keeps on changing. I was supposed to go to the villages for the next number of weeks. I didn't go this week, will probably go next, and then I'll have to be in Dakar again for at least some time to connect with someone from the IDRC. And he's only around until the end of August. And then October. So, I have to sufficiently connect with him before the end.

So when and how do I go to the villages?
. . .
I think I'm slowly learning how to make decisions. Maybe it's being forced out of me, but it's also really neat feeling like I'm coming to a point where I'm realizing how much better it is if I make decisions.
Mind you, I still do have to talk about it with people who can advise me. Experience is important to tap in to. I don't always know what to do. (often, even). Just, it's coming along.

As the line goes, the internship will be what I make it.

And as a great friend tells me, you can do anything you want. Just make sure you can justify it. There'd better be a good reason for it.

Looking back, there were some 'decisions' made that didn't have a tonne of fore thought. Life is for learning. I hope that that keeps on happening here, however that happens.

I have to remember to give myself time to breathe through the process.

I can go at my own rate, in my own way. I'll let everyone else decide whether it's 'good enough'.

Whatever. There's lots going on. I want to figure it all out, especially since there isn't one right way to do things. I have to carve out my own route.

Off to bed. It's late, although it's been nice to post in the comfort of my hotel room for a change . . .

Pray for the villages still.
Pray that I would engage people naturally. Steering conversations here and there towards the environment, perhaps. Or maybe doing something more formal. Just, that the conversations would be good, would be engaging, would be natural.

And I'll keep praying too

Dakar

I have a map now of the city. Doesn't show everything, but it shows enough.

It'll help to locate a few things, but the image is starting to build in my mind.

Although dirty, and far less extravagant, not surprisingly, it reminds me of Paris.

I'm just looking forward to taking advantage of its beaches (hopefully this weekend).

I might check out the Olympic pool too.

At any rate, I'm realizing there's a bunch to discover in this city (even while there might not be a tonne to do). It makes things interesting, at least.

Thanks to those (Alex and Paul) who started the heartbeat in me . . .

Getting to Mbamane (and everywhere else for the next three weeks)

Tricky tricky. I'll do what I can. I'll work as best I can within the limitations of my work.

I knew this would happen, and I don't really want it to be an excuse for inaction or non-accomplishment. Just, I'm tired of judging myself, so I'm trying to stop. Just trying to try. I think that's all I should have to expect of myself.

The driver left to go to Thiès today. So, I couldn't go to Mbamane. I didn't mind entirely, except that in principle, I know it'll cause problems. Because while the driver is supposed to come tomorrow around 9 or 10, it probably won't arrive until the afternoon. Which means I'll have about 1 1/2 days to do some work in the village. I have to try to leave the village on Thursday mid-morning at the latest because I have to return to Dakar in time for Friday's workshop.

I'm totally okay with that limitation, because I'm beginning to believe it's not just about these village visits that will provide me with a comprehensive understanding of 'perceptions and behaviours'. Just as importantly, I need to network with other organizations that are doing similar work and see how or why their work is successful. That's the point of this workshop. To pursue an example of 'positive deviance'. Why are the villagers of these villages able to regenerate trees and others not. What's with the process. So, that's what Friday starts to explore.

Tomorrow and Wednesday, I will hopefully be studying the causes and effects of 'regeneration' or 'regrowth'. I'm not sure what term is best in the minds of the people. But, I'll use solution trees (instead of 'problem trees'). I'm tired of exploring the problems. They seem to already know them.

Instead, I'm hoping by exploring the subjects using 'solution trees' I might be able to get at the norms, rules, and reasons for why these solutions can or can't be brought about. So, study the solution, how to get there, whether they like the solution, and if so, what keeps them from getting there. Sort of a 'here's an ideal future. How do we get there, and what's keeping us from getting there and why'.

Still, I might first need to ask whether the 'solution' is even perceived as positive or whether people desire to do it. I'm not yet sure how to go about discussing that idea.
. . .

Besides that: I'm trying to start to count my blessings. I'm realizing that to convert my attitude, I need to be more intentional about prayer. More intentional about starting with it. Ending with it. And surrounding what I do with it. It's a realizing though at this stage, not too much of a practice. But, I'm trying to get it there.
. . .

I've reflected on the fact that my internship has a number of really interesting constraints. Constraints that were created because of how I typically approach work (suggest something, see where it goes, wait for feedback). The motion of my internship, however, I've come to accept, depends on me.
August depends on how much I push to get to the villages.
Planning for the workshops in July depended a lot how whether I forced contact with the project managers. That I didn't find the time nor pushed means that the workshops are not too far a long yet, but really, this is for the better. It leaves them open to change, and since different ideas are floating around, I am grateful for their open nature.
September's events depend on where I take them. Not having scheduled village visits means that there is the possibility of pursuing other ideas. It's neat to be free.
But, September also brings Ramadan, a constraint on the timing of my workshops.
And till mid-October, it's still Ramadan.

And then end of October, my sister is coming down for a visit. I wasn't planning on not being done nor having these constraints. All of a sudden, she makes doing the workshops at the end of October a non-possibility. I wonder if this will be perceived as a neglect of responsibilities on my part.

So, the best case scenario would be an internship extension, but that is certainly not guaranteed. Only hoped for.

If it doesn't happen, we'll just see what becomes of all of this.

But, I'm letting myself be okay with change. I'm trying to function within it. Trying to not judge my productivity, yet also continue to be as productive as I should be. However that is defined.
. . .

Besides work, I've started to try to think about where I will go at the end of August or start of September for my 1 week vacation. It's likely I will either go visit the Pink Lake, north of Dakar, or go to an isolated cabin on an island somewhere on the coast South east of Dakar. Just off the shore of a town called Ndangane. Just, I'm still debated the logic of isolating myself. I feel I do enough of that when I go to the villages.
. . .

Betty Reno, the lady who lives on the main floor of my house, is back. I am thankful for how she helps me process what's going on, what I'm thinking. She's constantly reminded me that I should be praying more than I am. All of what I'm doing here will be because of God, and in His strength. Certainly not my own. So, I need to go to him more often.

I might start a Bible study with her though, because I'd really like some consistent biblical dialogue in a manner that is understandable and recognizable.
. . .

It's humid here in Fatick now. No rain, really, which is really bad for the farmers. But, just plain humid and hot. Still not unbearable, but I'm just hoping and praying it rains, for the sake of the lives of the farmers amongst whom I occassionally stay.
. . .

NEwho, it's time to go home. Hope your summer is cooling down a bit. I've heard it's been a humid one for you all. I believe, almost, that my summer here has been cooler than back home . . .

God bless you all
And keep on praying for the farmers. Pray for rain, but not rain that blasts everything off the fields.

Changes in the wind

I'm not really sure how all these next few weeks are going to go. At this point, I'm not worried about it (for a change, but we'll see how long it lasts of course).

Just a few updates:

1) August till 10th of September (roughly): everyone is now mostly on vacation. I am glad that I had ideas for going down to the villages for this month. I wouldn't necessarily know what to fall back on if other plans currently being planned don't go anywhere.

2) There is talk (if only between myself, my Cdn supervisor, and 1 main supervisor here) of extending my internship. Here are the issues:

i. everyone is on vacation until early September.
ii. Harvest season will probably come in around the middle to end of September.
iii. More importantly, however, mid September till mid October is Ramadan. Meaning very few people in my villages will be eating food during the day.
And I want to run workshops during the day when people haven't eaten and therefore their ears and minds are floundering? . . . unlikely.

So, we wait until after Ramadan. Mid October. I leave on the 31st. And so I will do the workshops in the first week right after Ramadan and then jump on my airplane and go home? What will that serve?
. . .

The other problem with all of this: the schedule, believe it or not, is too rigid. How am I supposed to look at activities going on outside of the villages if I'm going to run from village to
village, then workshops, then follow up, then home?

So, if it's possible to extend the internship by 1 month, that gives me the freedom to go to the villages this month, go visit other projects and explore other 'ways of doing' by other organizations, and other 'ways of thinking' (hopefully) by other people in villages in the country during the month of September. Also go talk with international organizations more indepth about their work, their discoveries. Perhaps go look at the villages they work in. Or look at villages of other WV project areas even. There are possibilities that can be discussed and figured out later.

October is undecided (for the first half), but that might simply be a time to plan the workshops (village discussions). But even the idea of the workshops has never rested. It has always been changing. Always never been confirmed. They might be village dialogues meant to get beneath the surface of answers people typically give. Problem solving. Empowerment exercises.

And perhaps if the examples from other villages where other organizations are working are useful, we might be able to bring some of the villagers from our villages to talk with these other villagers, to learn from their experience. To encourage them to consider how they can improve their own lives. "Let's build our lives". I'm beginning to realize that more than anything else, development will be about empowering people to become or to arrive at improved futures by their own means. Helping people to help themselves, essentially.

Pretty crazy, eh? Lots going on, and nothing getting nailed down. And I have to figure it out. For a change, though, I feel like I might have the time and leads to figure some of these things out. But, we'll wait and see.

3) So, nutshell recap: schedule of events is being changed. Return date is being questioned. Purpose and method of workshops is never settled and constantly changing. Village visits as an absolute goal is slowly eroding away.

And yet there is always too much information to learn. We'll see where the string of information leads, if anywhere.
. . .

Mostly, though, I act alone for the next month. That, I guarantee you, will be pretty interesting.
. . .

How are things otherwise?

Dakar is cooler (in both senses) than Fatick (even though Fatick is cool). I enjoy being here, being connected to people, places, and options of things to do. I enjoy my hostel room where I can access the internet in the evenings. I can be more productive with my work.

My head still bothers me at times. Not sure why that is, but as I've said, and will constantly say, I won't go home until I stumble out of bed one day with the same problem I had mid-January.

I've discovered the joy of watching a TV series called "Heroes". Got it from the American family in Fatick. They're a good connection to have . . .
. . .

It's the weekend. I leave work this week not really knowing what's happening next week or how it'll work itself out. I go only with ideas. But, at least these ideas have some sense of direction. At the very least, they have been confirmed as being okay ideas to pursue (whereas before I was questioning the validity of everything I was doing).
. . .

There's still a long ways to go. If I have another month to work with, I think that would help out a lot. I'll just have to tell my Parisien friends that I'm now not coming in November but rather in December . . . I'm still waiting to get my tent back from Paris . . . (they still have it, surprisingly enough!)
. . .

NEwho, I'm going to go enjoy my evening. And I'm going to enjoy my day tomorrow in the city. I didn't successfully get to the Cdn Embassy during open hours. I've been here two months, and I have yet to set foot inside my own Embassy . . . (whereas I was in the British one over Christmas. Borrowed a nativity sheep from the Embassy. It's a cool souvenir). Alex (my British colonizer) and I have had some good laughs over it!
. . .

K, I'm out. Write me. (email, phone, snail mail, responses to posts. All are cool)

Lunch Break

Elusive. Sometimes, that's the best way to describe my work.

Like, I can see it in the distance, and I want to get there, and sometimes, in very small ways, I do. But, often, it seems I get stuck somewhere in transition. So, it's a battle to work through it all.
. . .

I came back from the Gambia. It was supposed to be a relaxing time. And it certainly was, for half of the time. The other half was spent traveling in a bus on very bumpy, pot-holed roads. Although, according to a good friend by my same name, they only rank a 3 out of 10 for poor quality. I'm not sure I'd want to find out the 10.
. . .

The Gambians never asked for my passport at the border. 25,000 CFA not used, even though spent. I did, however, get my passport stamped on the way back in because I really wanted to be able to sort of prove to Senegal, if they asked, that I did not stay in the country for longer than 3 months at any given time. We'll see if that even matters.

Still, it was a nice place to stay at, some great food, some great dancing. I was chosen to be the "play boy" (hmmm) for the Fatick Base (there were 5 other bases, I think, and 6 other contenders for top "play boy"). I ranked 6th. I think they did that only to be nice. But, it was fun strutting the stage, dressed in who knows where it came from clothes found in the room behind the stage. It was all about fun, and it was. So, that's all that matters.

Where they get the name from, or whether they understand its connotations here back home, I don't know . . .
. . .

Currently, I'm in Dakar. Trying to connect with a number of international NGO's. Mildly successful. I'm connecting to a few, finding it difficult to connect with others. I'm hoping that some of the meetings I have will be somewhat insightful, or at least put me in contact with other people who might be able to provide that insight.
. . .

Other than that, I will spend time trying to research information on the country. Information I might find useful, that might explain the people and their attitudes. I'm going to try to take it easy over these next few days. Not necessarily in terms of my work, but in terms of my attitude. I'm writing in a current state of stress. Probably because I don't feel like I'm getting too far in my research outside of the villages. A lot of information I don't have, I know I'll be able to get online when I go back home. No problem. And only when I'm in the villages can I really do anything about learning about their perspective. So, I need to take a chill pill and let myself learn what I can from the international organizations here in Dakar. And then leave the rest alone.
. . .

My head silently and subtly throbs; my body keeps working, and therefore, so do I. 3 months, unless something is forced from me.

Necessity is the mother of change. I seem to be without a mother at the moment. I hope she never arrives.
. . .

I am going to try to talk with a contact of the Centre de Suivi Ecologique today. As well as someone from the International Development Research Centre (from Canada) here in Senegal. Hopefully this afternoon.

Then I'm going to read some information, grab a few drinks, and take it easy.
. . .

Lunch is over. Back to work.