Rustling leaves

Know what it's like to be picking up wet soggy leaves when it's frigid outside? Your fingers are numb, the wind making the skin on your face feel like cold plastic? If you have hands like mine, the cold makes your skin crack, causing you to bleed ever so easily. And the leaves, oh the leaves are sooo heavy.

But, do you know what it's like to rake up leaves on a cool, dry autumn day? Sun shining, a cool, crisp, but refreshing fall wind keeping your body cool as you scramble to gather the leaves into a pile and stuff them effortlessly into brown paper bags before the wind frustrates your efforts and blows them all away? And yet, even when that happens, if it's a free morning, it doesn't matter entirely. The work is light, the leaves (provided you don't have 40 bags equivalent to fill and the wind's not too strong) aren't a bother, and it's great just to hear the rustling leaves, feel the cool wind, soak up the sun, and be outside, working. You feel like the body God gave you is been used well, and you're the one benefiting the most in the process if only because you're outside and enjoying the weather.

You could say (although in the course of writing the analogy, I got carried away by fall fever and took it a bit far, explained it a bit more in detail than I initially anticipated) that my days over the past 2 weeks have been more like the wet, soggy, heavy leaves. My headaches have frustrated my recovery and procedures have confused or at least prolonged identifying their source. Headaches to me, in many ways, are like cleaning up leaves in the fall when the weather is horrible, and the leaves are wet, your hands cracked and freezing cold, and the piles just monstrous.

BUT! This morning was the first morning in a long while when I didn't wake up and immediately feel the effects of headaches. You could say that the leaves are no longer wet, soggy, and heavy; they are light and crumbly. I only hear them rustling in the background and no longer feel them lying heavy in my head, crushing my brain, bruising my energy.

At least, that is the hope. As I've just overheard my Dad say of me, "He's not quite out of the woods yet." Ironic. He has no idea of this post, and yet his line fits perfectly into my analogy. Nice!

Because, as we all know, fall is 100% better when every last annoying leaf, wet or dry, has been stuffed into brown paper bags and hauled away. I hope that now all that I'm waiting for is the trucks to arrive.

Dawn

My head still aches, and my body is tired. But, I feel like there is a new day approaching. Today was a roller coaster, not unlike the others, really. But, it has the feelings of a hopeful ending.

Here I sit again, in front of my computer, it being sore to look up at the computer screen for long. Lots is still a blur, many things still make my head ache, but I've been sitting up for almost hours at a time now. That's something new, that's progress. And there is hope in that progress. While my head still hurts, I feel changes in my body. You can't observe them very well - I still spend the majority of my time on my side than standing or sitting up - but there is progress. And that progress gives me hope, all I'm looking for at the moment.

I've been supported by the prayers of countless friends, church, and family. It's that support that carries me all of the time, demonstrating the strength, power, and wisdom of community. It's why I believe in community so much, because the power of Jesus is the power of His body, the power of the Church, and not the crappy notion of church of sitting on hard pews and staring blankly ahead. I mean the vibrant, pulsating bunch of people that follow Jesus and are learning, despite their weaknesses, that He makes them strong when we let him work in us despite those weaknesses.

I left the hospital today, after about 48 hours. I spent Thursday afternoon to Saturday afternoon mostly lying on my side and sleeping. A few friends and family came to visit (thanks for those that did, and thanks for those who didn't - one needs one's space at times!). Doctor's monitored my progress, and we had a few CT scans done. There is a slight enlargement of the ventricals in my head (not that I really know what that is getting at - I only have ideas), but that enlargement has stayed mostly constant. The headaches that I have been experiencing, we are all hoping, can be contributed to the Lambar puncture procedure I had done on Monday evening where they tapped my spine and took out some fluid. That caused a low pressure head ache that lasted longer than I initially understood. And the hope here is that the head aches that I think are being to slowly recede are due to a return to equilibrium. Provided the enlargement of the ventricles noted in the CT scan represent a normal state of being for me, all this means is that I should be normal (ha) in a few days time. We'll see.

So, I hope that helps explain a bit of what's been going on the past number of days. Thanks again to those that were my words when I couldn't focus enough to speak them myself. Thank you to those who continue to write, call, and pray. It's appreciated, and my life is richer and healthier because of it.

I hope this blog finds everyone with healthy ventricles. . . ha ha ha

Head aches

My head aches. It's the summary of my life experience for the past number of days. And circumstances for me for the moment seem to be implying that my rabbit hole of recovery will continue to burrow down for a little while. I'm not content.

I hate head aches. I've suffered from head aches for the past 3 days following my surgery. That doesn't include the time of head aches that started all of this, that brought me home, that justified surgery. A day and a half after my shunt surgery, the doctors did an LP on me, a Lombard puncture, or something like that. Pulled fluid from my spine. The ensuing headache was supposed to last 24 hours give or take. Even if it were 48 hours, I'm far past that hour mark now. What I'm left with makes me wonder if things are fixed . . .

One of the main issues of the head aches that I'm experiencing is that it makes thinking difficult. It's hard to piece together ideas for any length of time, it's hard to focus. It's hard to keep my eyes open, or even to stay sitting up for longer than 1/2 hr. If I do much of anything besides lie flat, I have a head ache within a short period of time. So, that's frustrating, to sum it in one word.

I went to see the specialist today from the Infectious Diseases department at Henderson hospital. They've found 3 separate cultures that were growing on the tube in my body. All three cultures are separate, but none seem to be diseases. But, they're confused as to why there are three separate cultures, why they're not mixed together. Frankly, I don't care. All I know is that I still have a headache and it makes me feel disoriented, shaky, and nauseous (however you spell that - I don't feel enough right now to care to check how!)

So, here's what's going on: I'm waiting to see if this headache finally goes away. If it doesn't, or if the 3 cultures they're studying turn up something bizarre, I might have to be re operated on, replacing the entire shibang, the entire shunt apparatus. I'd rather they just get on with it, first because my head hurts regardless, and because I'm thinking almost purely in terms of time.

How much time before the internship gets canned, before it's really rather impractical to continue, before the delay moves too far into the rainy season restricting any studying of farmer natural resource management practice because they'll all be too busy working in the fields. It might be a really unique opportunity to be able to observe that, to be there when the rains come back. But that's not my decision, and for the moment, while I try to be optimistic, the headaches and the circumstances are making that difficult.

Everything right now is all just a sore fog in my head anyways, read in blurred vision on my computer screen as I stare rather clumsily ahead while letting my fingers type whatever random jumble of thoughts spill out of my mind. Get a sense of my feelings right now? That's the idea.

If they headaches are still here tomorrow, I might just head back to the ER again and get things rechecked. The headaches really wear me out, really tire my head, my body. And concerning my work, they tire my spirits, my hopes of return, even when I want to stop thinking the way I am and start thinking differently. But, it just hurts to think.

So, if you can, and since you can in thoughts and phrases more coherent than mine, pray for understanding on my part, pray that I wait patiently for the Lord, despite the aches, through the aches, along with the aches. Pray for recovery, and pray for hope. Pray for time, because right now, that's the biggest race I feel I'm in right now. It's a race to recover in time, and I'm hoping I 'win' at the end of the day.

Whatever the outcome, though, pray that I trust Jesus through it all. It's just tiring to think, to pray right now. So, when you can, do it with me and do it for me.

Hoping all the heads out there are less achy than mine!

Not wanting to be, but glad, for the moment, to be home

I arrived in Toronto last night around 6 pm. The activities of the 2 days prior to yesterday are pretty hard to remember. A number of friends, and especially my Canadian WV mentor can attest to that.

But, here I sit, at my computer in my room, in Canada. I have a headache at the moment, and my vision isnt the clearest it could be. I woke up a few times during the night, my body reminding me that yes, there is still a problem.

On the way back home, I went from being totally unaware of what was going on around me to wondering (almost) why I was coming home. The headaches, however, remind me well enough that there is something definitely not right. Ill just be glad to figure out what the problem is.

So, I go to the specialist today. Hopefully that will provide some answers. Who knows, in 48 hrs, I might have undergone surgery again. I dont know.

Regardless, heres what Im thankful for: the cold - wow does it feel refreshing!, support from friends and family - blogs are great because everyone knows write away, and I dont have to sit at my computer wondering if Ive included everyones email address, sweaters - I love wearing my Guelph sweater without dying of heat exhaustion!, snow - it reminds me that, yes, it actually is winter, coffee - k, so I haven't had any Timmys yet, because that will just play games with my head, but rest assured that post op, assuming an operation, I will eventually taste that wonderful potion again.

I hope this post finds everyone well. I hope that testings, results, and recovery happen sufficiently fast. Id rather this be a brief interlude than a prolonged complication that jepoardizes the rest of my internship.

Thanks for all your prayers and methods of support.

Berlin repeated?

Im sure hoping not, but I woke up with one heck of a headache this morning. Not promising because I have very little explanation for why I might have received this headache.

So, for all those who know of how my coming home from Europe went last time, and how annoying those headaches were, you can appreciate a bit of what Im feeling right now. The only difference is that the headaches arent as severe. But, Im monitoring it closely, because if it gets worse, it will have to be looked at. Keep this item in prayer, because I feel it would be pretty disruptive to my internship.

Ive been encouraged to write more often, just shorter amounts. But, Im sorry that my blog can sometimes be an outlet to rant. Really, my time here has picked up lots. I had a great weekend wandering around the village, talking with random people. In the evenings, I hung out with the American family and the lady downstairs. I knew I would be in the villages this coming week, so I figured I would juice up on the 'known' before leaving and not having much to do potentially in the evenings.

I had a fun time the other day creating a little table thing in my room made of broken bricks and wooden slats weaved together. People here usually use something like that as fencing or to protect trees from animals. This was some scrap I found lying around, so I figured I could use it. And the ensemble, although a little sketch and ghetto, works just fine.

Other than that, I am waiting to go to Diakhao (Djia how), waiting for the driver. Trying to get over my headache, and figured I could use the time to write a bit.

I also await the arrival of my Cdn supervisor, Doug, who will be arrive in Diakhao on Tuesday. So, his timing is great, because Im just starting to get down to the village level and his supervision would be appreciated.

NEwho, as I promised, Ill keep this short, and I'll try to write less more often, like, you know, more often, just less. You know what I mean! Ha ha ha

Tranquil Waves on the Distant Western Shores

Hey everyone,

Jolene's mentioning in passing of having posted the Ski Trip pictures on the Blogspot made me think, "Hey, why don't I do the same thing?" Wow! Revolutionary. . .! ha ha ha. Except, I won't be posting pictures. Just blogging.

Except, I tried, and it wouldn't load properly. So, I'm posting in where I normally do.

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm alive and well. Perhaps a little frustrated and concerned over very slow progress in my work, lack of concrete direction (I'm still waiting for my ideas to become leads, still trying to figure out how to get some of the staff here to set up some things that I'd like to be doing sooner than later).
But, I'm part of a greater whole, and all the people I want to be meeting are busy with other aspects of World Vision business.

I just wanted to relate to everyone some of the new developments here in Senegal. They're very simple things, but to me, they're very enjoyable changes!
1) I bought two energy saving, much brighter light bulbs. Meaning my room is no longer the dingy place it once was. A light has shone. A new day has dawned! It's a wonderful thing, full light. Just having light, for that matter, is wonderful. You get used to not having it from time to time.
2) I fixed my shower yesterday! Yaaa! Meaning it doesn't spray all over the place anymore. Just had to flip the rubber washer (inside the shower head/neck joint) upside down. Still just cold water, but in 1 month, I won't want to do anything with "warm," I'll be so sick of it!
3) I figured out how to set up my mosquito net in such a way that I can now fully stretch out on my mattress. I used 1.5 L water bottles to pull the mosquito net out a bit and elevate it a bit above the mattress. So, I no longer touch it. It's fantastic being able to stretch out.
4) I went walking in Fatick just the other day, and I discovered that we have a full out food market. I'm looking forward to going there every now and again.
5) Tomorrow I am going to a wedding in Thiès. Not sure what that will be like, but I imagine it will be a good party. I'm looking forward to it.

Christmas went over very well. Being in Mali with the other intern and her husband was time very well spent. Lots of good conversations, good food, lots of swimming, walking, reading, relaxing. Got to watch a bunch of sheep get their necks sliced on Dec 30 for the Muslim celebration of Tabaski. Some cool videos too, for those who want to see them when I get back. Not too graphic, although on one I think you can actually see blood splurt for a second or two. No, but seriously, it was sort of too bad to see them get killed, but really, where does any of our meat come from anyways?

So, the holidays have passed well, and now I'm trying to get the ball rolling on some of my work. Have a 2 week vacation only 3 weeks into arriving really doesn't help. You're just starting to figure a few things out and then all of a sudden, you're not working for 2 weeks. And then you have to get started up again. It's very inefficient, for someone who functions like me. Part of it is my expectations, though, which need changing.

Needless to say, I'm much more comfortable now than I was when I first arrived. A lot more comfortable. I've loved being able to experience how much joy simple changes in my environment give me! Water that runs, lights that shine, restful, relaxing sleep! Great things to be reminded to be thankful for!