I was reflecting briefly on how a tear or a drop of water travels. Such a small amount of water, yet such a long distance. As it gives out, it reclaims. Something so simple, and yet the equation to figure out what distance it will travel based off how large it is, the humidity in the air, the friction of the surface it is traveling on. Hmmm.
. . .
I wonder how something so simple as my internship turned into something so incredibly complex.
I think about my interests, my faith, culture, cultural change. Of how I feel I connected with my co-workers, and yet that connection never went beyond the rare invitation to someone's house for dinner. Perhaps 3 or 4 times throughout 6 months. I’m not sure I’d want to live on that for much longer. It’ll have to go further next time.
I feel like I could embrace a new culture, that I could thrive in one, really. But, I need to find work that makes me want to be there.
Perhaps that's the essential behind all of this. Exciting about culture and change, yet frustrated, bored, and self-judging about my work. Likely, I'll need to figure out work before I figure trying to figure out a new culture.
. . .
I think of some of the people I'm leaving behind. I will miss certain co-workers as well as friendships made along the way. Even some in the villages themselves, despite the lopsided reasons behind them. Both sides have been using each other for their own means. I perhaps didn't see that I was doing that, but I certainly felt like they were doing that with me. But, I can't deny that this was a mutual using experience.
I think I'll be more content when that 'using' ends and true relationship can form. That requires time and interest, both of which were at times lacking throughout the internship. Everything, I think, just seemed so surface-y. That's probably the greatest dimension that frustrated me.
And yet as I go, I know that I found depth in a few, unexpected places.
Betty.
The family that moved into my place October and November.
A few of my co-workers, with the passage of times.
Learning to joke (giving away my sister for marriage at the extreme price of 70 cows - never got them, so they never got my sister . . . at any rate, I say goodbye to a few ex-brothers in law as a result! ah ha ha h)
Even myself. Learning to let go, to open up, to live out instead of inside all the time.
. . .
As I go, it's the lessons I learned not the results gained that I personally will value the most. I think that's all that matters now. I look to do better the 2nd time round, wherever and whenever that might be.
. . .
I'll see everyone in just a few days.
. . .
(caught in the middle . . . but working towards a particular side as I slowly move along)
Alex
Monday, November 26, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Somewhere in the middle
There is a song written by Casting Crowns. I think it sums up the spirit of my heart and mind at present. If you get a chance to listen to it, it's a fantastic song. '
. . . deep water faith in the shallow end, and we are caught in the middle . . . The God we want and the God who is, but will we trade our dreams for His, or are we caught in the middle . . .'
. . .
I have 1 week left before leaving. Despite the craziness, I've finally found a few moments to simply reflect. Although, really, I'm tired of thinking. A job like this, with so few clarifications (it seems) has made me pretty tired.
It seems like the greatest point of frustration for me over the past 6 months boils down to a feeling of not having been given sufficient feedback from the people I would have expected it to come from. Freedom created a lot of problems for me because I had very little sense of 'what is supposed to be' or 'what I'm supposed to find out'. With so little feedback, I don't think I ever found myself believing that what I was doing was going in the right direction.
I understand very clearly now what is meant by 'institutional arrangements, norms, perceptions, and behaviours' towards the environment. I have less of an idea of whether or not that is even what World Vision Senegal wanted me to find out and whether or not it's good enough.
Some of the hardest points have been times when I feel people are really excited about knowing about what I've learned, and yet I've never really believed that much of what I was doing was going to be bringing anything new to the table. It comes down to a sense of people's expectations towards you being higher than you believe possible to fulfill. You might want to, but the time you have to work with just doesn't feel long enough to get beyond everything that was difficult in order to show some quality work at the end of the day.
It's hard to explain exactly to what extent I believe I 'figured things out'. This has certainly been an internship where it was what I made it. Just, I think I've learned more about what not to do. . . .
. . .
All this said, there are a lot of things that I'm very proud of. I am proud of having taken charge of my own internship part way through the month of August. Most of my village level work was done, however, around that time. So, that will look oddly in the end.
I am proud to look back and realize some things that I do and don't like. I am much more aware of my own needs while overseas. I am proud of some of the ways that I positively started to respond to the culture that I found myself in. That positive response, mind you, was built on a few factors, and factors which remain as clues to me: funky clothes, having some cool conversations with people in the city, being in the city, having a lot more structure built into my work (looking to others for answers instead of having to find them myself), and relating better to a few co workers - also linked with simply engaging the language a bit more (the language really helped facilitate some things, and I see it as a key to engaging any culture I might tackle in the future).
I'm proud of whatever it is that I figured out on my own. I'm proud for having accomplished simple things like arranging my own schedule for the workshops, of creating the translated template of the workshop exercise, of learning through the workshops, of working on the fly for the report of 1 of the 2 workshops. I have no idea, mind you, of whether the report template is the one I was supposed to use . . . and neither is there yet a report for the 1st workshop. It'll come.
I'm proud of taking charge of arranging things like my own transportation when World Vision was not able to do it for me. I'm proud of having worked on many days that World Vision staff were not.
I'm proud of sticking to a schedule because my work required me to, even while the rest of the staff enjoyed a few days of a "Stress Management" workshop! I know I should have been there! . . . ah ha ha.
Essentially, it took me a long time to get over being too frustrated with my work. The ambiguity was killing me. Still is, but I adjusted at least somewhat to it so as to at least try to start to make some concrete decisions. I was still left with the problem of whether or not the questions I was asking, and the ways that I was doing things was effective or appropriate. But, I eventually stopped caring as much about that as well, blaming it on a lack of feedback. There comes a point, basically, where you stop blaming yourself and simply try to move on. I can say I'm mostly there. There are a lot of things with which I just raise my hands and say, 'I'm just learning, I guess'.
Just, to me, that's not the best way to learn. At least, I don't think so. Another big thing is that I never expected work to be so much about, 'Here, do this, but we won't tell you how it's supposed to happen'. Examples: the workshops, the report writing to the workshops, the follow up to the workshops. Essentially, I'm just making stuff up as I go. And I don't ever believed myself to be doing that in university. Thus, my work was justified. I've found myself needing to justify my work, and then simply assuming that it is therefore justified.
Again though, to be fair, part of it has to do with the scheduling, circumstances, and lack of time. November has been crazy, October was all over the place, and then there wasn't enough time to prepare for the workshops, it seems. July and August I was mostly on my own, so that by September I made myself be on my own.
Whatever. For all the things I've worked through, I just think life and work can be done better than that. And believing that, I judged my work inadequate. I did. No one else. And I think I still will on a certain level. But, apparently, I'm not sure how much I need to feel personally responsable for poor performance if there are never any indicators to work with or not enough feedback.
Meh, whatever. I'm sure most of you don't care. I'm just processing. Bear with me.
I'll see you guys in a week.
. . . deep water faith in the shallow end, and we are caught in the middle . . . The God we want and the God who is, but will we trade our dreams for His, or are we caught in the middle . . .'
. . .
I have 1 week left before leaving. Despite the craziness, I've finally found a few moments to simply reflect. Although, really, I'm tired of thinking. A job like this, with so few clarifications (it seems) has made me pretty tired.
It seems like the greatest point of frustration for me over the past 6 months boils down to a feeling of not having been given sufficient feedback from the people I would have expected it to come from. Freedom created a lot of problems for me because I had very little sense of 'what is supposed to be' or 'what I'm supposed to find out'. With so little feedback, I don't think I ever found myself believing that what I was doing was going in the right direction.
I understand very clearly now what is meant by 'institutional arrangements, norms, perceptions, and behaviours' towards the environment. I have less of an idea of whether or not that is even what World Vision Senegal wanted me to find out and whether or not it's good enough.
Some of the hardest points have been times when I feel people are really excited about knowing about what I've learned, and yet I've never really believed that much of what I was doing was going to be bringing anything new to the table. It comes down to a sense of people's expectations towards you being higher than you believe possible to fulfill. You might want to, but the time you have to work with just doesn't feel long enough to get beyond everything that was difficult in order to show some quality work at the end of the day.
It's hard to explain exactly to what extent I believe I 'figured things out'. This has certainly been an internship where it was what I made it. Just, I think I've learned more about what not to do. . . .
. . .
All this said, there are a lot of things that I'm very proud of. I am proud of having taken charge of my own internship part way through the month of August. Most of my village level work was done, however, around that time. So, that will look oddly in the end.
I am proud to look back and realize some things that I do and don't like. I am much more aware of my own needs while overseas. I am proud of some of the ways that I positively started to respond to the culture that I found myself in. That positive response, mind you, was built on a few factors, and factors which remain as clues to me: funky clothes, having some cool conversations with people in the city, being in the city, having a lot more structure built into my work (looking to others for answers instead of having to find them myself), and relating better to a few co workers - also linked with simply engaging the language a bit more (the language really helped facilitate some things, and I see it as a key to engaging any culture I might tackle in the future).
I'm proud of whatever it is that I figured out on my own. I'm proud for having accomplished simple things like arranging my own schedule for the workshops, of creating the translated template of the workshop exercise, of learning through the workshops, of working on the fly for the report of 1 of the 2 workshops. I have no idea, mind you, of whether the report template is the one I was supposed to use . . . and neither is there yet a report for the 1st workshop. It'll come.
I'm proud of taking charge of arranging things like my own transportation when World Vision was not able to do it for me. I'm proud of having worked on many days that World Vision staff were not.
I'm proud of sticking to a schedule because my work required me to, even while the rest of the staff enjoyed a few days of a "Stress Management" workshop! I know I should have been there! . . . ah ha ha.
Essentially, it took me a long time to get over being too frustrated with my work. The ambiguity was killing me. Still is, but I adjusted at least somewhat to it so as to at least try to start to make some concrete decisions. I was still left with the problem of whether or not the questions I was asking, and the ways that I was doing things was effective or appropriate. But, I eventually stopped caring as much about that as well, blaming it on a lack of feedback. There comes a point, basically, where you stop blaming yourself and simply try to move on. I can say I'm mostly there. There are a lot of things with which I just raise my hands and say, 'I'm just learning, I guess'.
Just, to me, that's not the best way to learn. At least, I don't think so. Another big thing is that I never expected work to be so much about, 'Here, do this, but we won't tell you how it's supposed to happen'. Examples: the workshops, the report writing to the workshops, the follow up to the workshops. Essentially, I'm just making stuff up as I go. And I don't ever believed myself to be doing that in university. Thus, my work was justified. I've found myself needing to justify my work, and then simply assuming that it is therefore justified.
Again though, to be fair, part of it has to do with the scheduling, circumstances, and lack of time. November has been crazy, October was all over the place, and then there wasn't enough time to prepare for the workshops, it seems. July and August I was mostly on my own, so that by September I made myself be on my own.
Whatever. For all the things I've worked through, I just think life and work can be done better than that. And believing that, I judged my work inadequate. I did. No one else. And I think I still will on a certain level. But, apparently, I'm not sure how much I need to feel personally responsable for poor performance if there are never any indicators to work with or not enough feedback.
Meh, whatever. I'm sure most of you don't care. I'm just processing. Bear with me.
I'll see you guys in a week.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Coming to a close
I can actually say, 'sadly', even if it's a bit conditioned.
I have 11 days left here in Senegal. The last 3 months have had a different feel , definitely the last two, and certainly this last one.
The first 3 were the hardest.
Not surprisingly, it was the time when I was in the villages the most. Whereas the last 3, I've been in and out sporadically.
But, as I promised to myself and others, I've waited to make conclusive judgment.
With 100% truthfulness, I am thankful for the process, glad to have gone through it.
If you want to enjoy a culture, you have to be willing to engage it. And, if you're me, you need to have a bit of your own in order to step away from it for awhile. That's a principle lesson I learned.
It's not necessarily working overseas that's hard. I think, for me, it was simply the 'working' part. And then it was made harder being overseas. But, I understand my own needs and preferences a lot more as a result of this internship.
But enough of this talk . . .
I was in the market today. My Thiya have caused quite a stare in the city. In fact, I sort of wish I had discovered them a lot sooner. Then turn the attention from 'give me money' to 'look at that white guy with thiya (pronounced, btw, CH eye ah. I actually have no idea how it's supposed to be spelt . . . ! ah ha ha ha).
While in the market, I bought my bananas and oranges. And then I walked past some Peules who stopped me and asked about my Thiya (of course, they asked in Peule, and thus I understood nothing). I showed them my Thiya. They showed me theirs. It was quite interesting, since they have knives attached to the sides of theirs. Being nomadic, they carry these knives around, I guess in order to defend themselves and for any necessary killings.
And now, I have a knife at my side. Alduma Ba give it to me. I have no idea who he is, where he came from, how old he is. Only that I took an interest in the knife (with the full intention of looking for one in the market today when I go to Kaolack). And then he showed it to me and proceeded to give it to me . . . Needless to say, I was a bit 'embarassed' you could say. More accurately, it was a confusion on how to respond appriopriately. A total stranger. A knife. Certainly not too expensive, but a gift all the same. And all I had was 5 oranges and 2 bananas I had just bought (along with a slew of pens, markers, cahiers, my laptop, my MP3 player, cell phone, wallet etc etc etc. But these were in my backpack. And I can't really justify to WV that 'yes, I gave him my laptop with all my research on it because he gave me his knife'. I'm not sure that would've been well received!).
So, I gave him the fruit. It was all I had that I felt I could appropriately give away.
Someone stepping out to offer me a gift first without ouright expecting something in return. That, I believe, is partially cultural. He refused the fruit 3 times before finally accepting it. Just, I felt I had to respond then and there for I will very likely never see him again. Just, it was finally the gesture I would have wanted to received from so many here in Senegal. Give me your 'hand' in friendship, unconditionally, not attached to my money, and I will give you mine in return.
It was a unique moment, and a very memorable one certainly.
. . .
I now have 3 Thiya. 2 Thiya sets (thiya with bou bou) and one Thiya just by itself (the green ones - John would know what I'm talking about). There's a Christmas party on December 1. I will be there, and I will be wearing my Thiya . . .
. . .
In the course of this internship, a part of me has been left in the sandy soils that are the heart and soul of the Senegalese 'poor'. Just, while materialistically poor, I will atest to the fact that they will do their best to give you their best.
For we the 'lofty', comfortable, and unconscious, it is hard to come alongside them in their fields and get our hands dirty. (we isn't we here, if you get me). But, if we can overcome the hurdles, and we invest in their individual or collective capacities, I think very positive transformation is possible.
Personally, I'm still a hung jury. The idealism of the past has been questioned by the very apparent reality. Just, I'm not sure I see poverty as a lack of means as much as it is a broken will to try, an inability or refusal to risk.
My workshops have wanted to bring people to the point where they start questioning why they believe they can't and why they don't believe it could happen.
The first workshop got stuck before it arrived. I learned a lot from it.
The second workshop, I pray, will succeed in different ways from the first.
The report will merely be a recollection of the lessons I learned during these past 6 months. Perhaps the format will be nice and professional, but I'm hoping to personalize it just a bit. We'll see what freedoms WV affords me when I return home.
. . .
And now for home and beyond. I hope not to stay too long, if I find the good fit for a next step. Otherwise, I might get stuck sticking around.
But, at any rate, truly, I am looking forward to the cold, coffee, snow, and snowboarding.
. . .
Thanks for reading all through this time. Thanks for your prayers and your support.
. . .
It's come to a close faster than it needed to.
See you in a bit.
I have 11 days left here in Senegal. The last 3 months have had a different feel , definitely the last two, and certainly this last one.
The first 3 were the hardest.
Not surprisingly, it was the time when I was in the villages the most. Whereas the last 3, I've been in and out sporadically.
But, as I promised to myself and others, I've waited to make conclusive judgment.
With 100% truthfulness, I am thankful for the process, glad to have gone through it.
If you want to enjoy a culture, you have to be willing to engage it. And, if you're me, you need to have a bit of your own in order to step away from it for awhile. That's a principle lesson I learned.
It's not necessarily working overseas that's hard. I think, for me, it was simply the 'working' part. And then it was made harder being overseas. But, I understand my own needs and preferences a lot more as a result of this internship.
But enough of this talk . . .
I was in the market today. My Thiya have caused quite a stare in the city. In fact, I sort of wish I had discovered them a lot sooner. Then turn the attention from 'give me money' to 'look at that white guy with thiya (pronounced, btw, CH eye ah. I actually have no idea how it's supposed to be spelt . . . ! ah ha ha ha).
While in the market, I bought my bananas and oranges. And then I walked past some Peules who stopped me and asked about my Thiya (of course, they asked in Peule, and thus I understood nothing). I showed them my Thiya. They showed me theirs. It was quite interesting, since they have knives attached to the sides of theirs. Being nomadic, they carry these knives around, I guess in order to defend themselves and for any necessary killings.
And now, I have a knife at my side. Alduma Ba give it to me. I have no idea who he is, where he came from, how old he is. Only that I took an interest in the knife (with the full intention of looking for one in the market today when I go to Kaolack). And then he showed it to me and proceeded to give it to me . . . Needless to say, I was a bit 'embarassed' you could say. More accurately, it was a confusion on how to respond appriopriately. A total stranger. A knife. Certainly not too expensive, but a gift all the same. And all I had was 5 oranges and 2 bananas I had just bought (along with a slew of pens, markers, cahiers, my laptop, my MP3 player, cell phone, wallet etc etc etc. But these were in my backpack. And I can't really justify to WV that 'yes, I gave him my laptop with all my research on it because he gave me his knife'. I'm not sure that would've been well received!).
So, I gave him the fruit. It was all I had that I felt I could appropriately give away.
Someone stepping out to offer me a gift first without ouright expecting something in return. That, I believe, is partially cultural. He refused the fruit 3 times before finally accepting it. Just, I felt I had to respond then and there for I will very likely never see him again. Just, it was finally the gesture I would have wanted to received from so many here in Senegal. Give me your 'hand' in friendship, unconditionally, not attached to my money, and I will give you mine in return.
It was a unique moment, and a very memorable one certainly.
. . .
I now have 3 Thiya. 2 Thiya sets (thiya with bou bou) and one Thiya just by itself (the green ones - John would know what I'm talking about). There's a Christmas party on December 1. I will be there, and I will be wearing my Thiya . . .
. . .
In the course of this internship, a part of me has been left in the sandy soils that are the heart and soul of the Senegalese 'poor'. Just, while materialistically poor, I will atest to the fact that they will do their best to give you their best.
For we the 'lofty', comfortable, and unconscious, it is hard to come alongside them in their fields and get our hands dirty. (we isn't we here, if you get me). But, if we can overcome the hurdles, and we invest in their individual or collective capacities, I think very positive transformation is possible.
Personally, I'm still a hung jury. The idealism of the past has been questioned by the very apparent reality. Just, I'm not sure I see poverty as a lack of means as much as it is a broken will to try, an inability or refusal to risk.
My workshops have wanted to bring people to the point where they start questioning why they believe they can't and why they don't believe it could happen.
The first workshop got stuck before it arrived. I learned a lot from it.
The second workshop, I pray, will succeed in different ways from the first.
The report will merely be a recollection of the lessons I learned during these past 6 months. Perhaps the format will be nice and professional, but I'm hoping to personalize it just a bit. We'll see what freedoms WV affords me when I return home.
. . .
And now for home and beyond. I hope not to stay too long, if I find the good fit for a next step. Otherwise, I might get stuck sticking around.
But, at any rate, truly, I am looking forward to the cold, coffee, snow, and snowboarding.
. . .
Thanks for reading all through this time. Thanks for your prayers and your support.
. . .
It's come to a close faster than it needed to.
See you in a bit.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Go figure (don't give it away until you're gone)
Just yesterday, I was told by the new Chef de Base (Base manager) here in Fatick that my capris no longer cut it for proper office attire. I am now required to wear pants.
Unfortunately for Alex, he sent a few pairs home with his sister and a few others were just given away to one of the villages . . .
I guess I'll have to make do with my one remaining, cream coloured khakis. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
Although, apparently my thiya still counts (whoot whoot), and so might my blue capris if I can sneak them in every now and again (they sort of resemble 'way to short' short pants)
Meh. 4 weeks.
Or I'll just wash my cream khakis every few days . . .
Ah ha ha ha ha ha.
Unfortunately for Alex, he sent a few pairs home with his sister and a few others were just given away to one of the villages . . .
I guess I'll have to make do with my one remaining, cream coloured khakis. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
Although, apparently my thiya still counts (whoot whoot), and so might my blue capris if I can sneak them in every now and again (they sort of resemble 'way to short' short pants)
Meh. 4 weeks.
Or I'll just wash my cream khakis every few days . . .
Ah ha ha ha ha ha.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Mango juice and chocolate cruesli
Who needs milk in cereal?!?. This is pretty good.
Waiting for my coffee to brew, figured I'd post another one.
I have 5 more malaria pills to swallow in Senegal. So not only was my vacation over just as soon as it started, so will my internship in the country of Senegal. I'm very grateful and excited about a focus, about something that I know I can apply myself to for the remaining 5 weeks. I'm just as excited about some things of home as I know I am and will be disappointed about some things I will be leaving behind in Senegal.
Today was a day on the beach. There's a very beautiful strip along the west coast of the city of Dakar, running along the northern section of Avenue Cheikh Anta Diop which has some great beaches and some great waves. Today, I took advantage of full blue skies, great temperatures, and a gentle, softly warm wind. Hung out with Anna, Shannon, and Sandra. There sometimes appear to be more girls in Senegal than guys, at least amongst the ex-pat community. Oh well. . . . ah ha ha ha ha. (actually, I had never seen Shannon before and Sandra only 2 times previously. We're gonna grab a bite to eat tonight and maybe hit up the clubs tonight (that would also basically be a first for me during my entire time here in Senegal) ).
(oh, and sorry if the sea and sunny skies bothers some of you. Since I don't get the joy of gorgeous fall weather, I have to rub in what I have to work with . . . I think I'll hit the beach just before I jump on the plane to come home on the 30th of November. That might be a good idea . . . ah ha ha ha)
But yes, this coming week, I need to translate an English workshop tool into French, learn about it, and then teach it to others (on Wed) (or else make it evidently clear to them what it's all about).
The week following is the first of two workshops. Two days. Then prep for the second workshop and the cycle repeats itself.
As a result of the changes, I'll have 1 week for time for follow up in the villages about the workshops. And time for an information session with World Vision Senegal staff that I think more and more is pretty important to do the further along I get into the exercise I'm planning.
Then three final days in the nation's capital.
All in all, I'm pretty excited about the final phase of my internship.
Feel free to let me know what you might like as a souvenir . . . I've got plenty, but if any of you have some cool suggestions, I'll looking it.
I might try to smuggle some young, dormant Baobab trees across the borders. Or maybe not smuggle if it's allowed. Anyone want one? I think they're pretty cool . . .
Waiting for my coffee to brew, figured I'd post another one.
I have 5 more malaria pills to swallow in Senegal. So not only was my vacation over just as soon as it started, so will my internship in the country of Senegal. I'm very grateful and excited about a focus, about something that I know I can apply myself to for the remaining 5 weeks. I'm just as excited about some things of home as I know I am and will be disappointed about some things I will be leaving behind in Senegal.
Today was a day on the beach. There's a very beautiful strip along the west coast of the city of Dakar, running along the northern section of Avenue Cheikh Anta Diop which has some great beaches and some great waves. Today, I took advantage of full blue skies, great temperatures, and a gentle, softly warm wind. Hung out with Anna, Shannon, and Sandra. There sometimes appear to be more girls in Senegal than guys, at least amongst the ex-pat community. Oh well. . . . ah ha ha ha ha. (actually, I had never seen Shannon before and Sandra only 2 times previously. We're gonna grab a bite to eat tonight and maybe hit up the clubs tonight (that would also basically be a first for me during my entire time here in Senegal) ).
(oh, and sorry if the sea and sunny skies bothers some of you. Since I don't get the joy of gorgeous fall weather, I have to rub in what I have to work with . . . I think I'll hit the beach just before I jump on the plane to come home on the 30th of November. That might be a good idea . . . ah ha ha ha)
But yes, this coming week, I need to translate an English workshop tool into French, learn about it, and then teach it to others (on Wed) (or else make it evidently clear to them what it's all about).
The week following is the first of two workshops. Two days. Then prep for the second workshop and the cycle repeats itself.
As a result of the changes, I'll have 1 week for time for follow up in the villages about the workshops. And time for an information session with World Vision Senegal staff that I think more and more is pretty important to do the further along I get into the exercise I'm planning.
Then three final days in the nation's capital.
All in all, I'm pretty excited about the final phase of my internship.
Feel free to let me know what you might like as a souvenir . . . I've got plenty, but if any of you have some cool suggestions, I'll looking it.
I might try to smuggle some young, dormant Baobab trees across the borders. Or maybe not smuggle if it's allowed. Anyone want one? I think they're pretty cool . . .
Friday, October 26, 2007
Over before it started et les voleurs de Dakar
This past week was my vacation. Overall, it was fantastic. However, it was fast and it was short.
My sister arrived on Sunday, early morning, round 4:30 am, without any incident. We crashed till about noon, toured Dakar, and then made sure to sleep well that night.
Monday, we traveled to Fatick. We spent the day there, visiting a few co-workers, refusing multiple marriage proposals (although the offer of 60 cows was tempting). We saw the market place in Fatick, and we made a visit with Betty Reno and Laura, the two ex-pats with whom I've spent a lot of time over the past 5 months.
Tuesday, off we went to the village of Thiouthioune. I think Jozina got a better sense of what village life is like. Hot, dry, slow, and if you don't speak the local language, even more slow and boring than it would be if you at least speak French. But French doesn't cross all barriers either. Regardless, she wasn't too much a fan of the couscous, nor of the couscous with sweetened sour milk. She could live without 'atiya', the local Senegalese tea, and Café Touba wasn't a real thriller either. While she did eat the Djebu Jen (fish and rice), the fish was bought by me and thus a higher quality than is usual in the villages. And overall, I think she cut down a bit on her eating (although her appetite was also pretty low given the heat)
We ended up returning to Fatick at night, slowly wandering our way through the fields (following the sandy trails, mind you), directed by a few of the local teachers who caught a ride to Fatick from us. They provided the orientation, so that was a pretty good trade off.
Wednesday was a day of good and bad. The Bandia Reserve was excellent. Romping through the reserve, chasing after Giraffes and Rhinoceros. Couldn't do something like that at the African Lion Safari. Some good sites, some good pics.
On arriving in Ndagane, however, that's when things turned sour. Already tired from the day, frustrated by all the annoying negotiating one has to do in order to get somewhere and in order not to pay an unjust price, when we arrived at the hotel, I wasn't impressed. The pool wasn't that great, things were unkempt. Our room was dirty when we entered, and then, when we did switch rooms, they (I'm not kidding you) locked us in our room. After 5 minutes of pounding on the window pane, finally someone came. They said we had the key, we never even touched it, said they'd go try to find this lost second pair, and so we waited. And waited. While they had given us the spare key, we were mostly waiting for an apology. But, there was none. In fact, when we went out briefly to see how things were coming along, we found them all sitting around a table, talking away. So, that was the end of our stay at Les Cordons Bleus. Never to be recommended to anyone by me. At 80 USD a night, I would have expected to be treated by royalty, given that this is even a price charged in a place like Senegal.
The French can be so arrogant sometimes.
So, we jumped over to the simple, quaint hostel beside the hotel. Much, much simpler, half the price (even though on some level it wasn't worth that price either). But, the staff made all the difference. Bought us orange juice in the morning when we requested it, offered to go get and prepare our lunch on the Thursday, drove us into town with all of our luggage when we left Thursday evening. The main manager was a great guy.
5 hours after leaving the hostel, we finally arrived, tired and cramped from our ride in a 7 place station wagon, in Dakar. Crashed at New Tribes Mission. Probably my preferred resting spot in Dakar. Some great services included in the low price of 4600 CFA / night. Can't be beat.
And today, well, overall, today was great. Although, I'm sad to say I didn't do my job very well. We overpaid for a few key items we bought. Still, I think that it would probably take me about 1 year to get it all figured out. And even then there would be things that surprise me.
It was a pretty long day wandering around the markets of Dakar, continually shrugging off pestery sellers and occasionally thankfully avoiding scuffles after being called racist and being told that I should leave the market and go home to Canada by upset sellers, who, by the way, 20 minutes later, wanted to sell me something (losers). It can be tiring having to put up with their scheming and scamming.
All the same, en route to the French Cultural Centre in the evening, after the markets, I am content to report that I successfully fought off being stolen from.
There were 3 guys, all 'selling' things. Except, they stated pretty normal, acceptable prices. Clue number 1. Clue number 2. They were too happy. Number 3. They started grabbing my shorts, saying, wow, those are great shorts, great shoes etc. Then they started tugging and swishing my shorts. It was odd. And then they stopped. And in the back of my mind, something started wondering. I checked my pockets, and I had been checking my pockets during this time anyways. But, I double checked. We were about 15 seconds down the road, however, and they started really going at my shorts. I was like, 'what the heck are you doing?' All my senses on high, knowing that something was going down. And then, in the middle of their shaking and tugging my shorts, there was a hand reaching into my pocket . . .
And then there was me, shoving my hand against the third guy, pushing and shoving him into the side of the building at the side of the road. And then I went for his neck. Hand on his neck, my face burning, my eyes flashing, my adrenaline pumping, my heart burning so hard with anger, frustration, and fatigue of all that is sometimes Senegal. Of people who never stop asking for your money when sometimes I believe they should be working for it. Of people who state one price and then fail to live up to it. Of people who see white and only think of money. Of people who are as happy to sell you something as they are angry when you actually know the real price and simply cut to the chase.
Given the events of the day, and my level of frustration, this attempt by this 3 guys placed the piece of straw that broke the camels back. And I blew up. I yelled at that guy in English so hard, and drove at him so quickly. I didn't care what the other two were doing because I knew if I confronted this guy hard and forcefully, the other two would leave me alone or risk their friend being seriously injured if I started throwing punches.
At any rate, I shoved him away, yelling at him some more, threatened them not to come near me, and not to touch me again. And then I stormed off.
As odd as it might sound, I was thoroughly content. A little frightened perhaps, but there was a bunch of angst against some cultural stress that had been building up that was unleashed in those few moments. I let out against personal frustrations, against cultural nuisances, and against past failures. Against a time I was beat up (mildy) outside a bar in Guelph, against times in my life (grade school, high school, and even in university) when I've just stood there taking a beating or being threatened with one, instead of standing up for myself. It was a chance, finally, to simply show that I had had enough. These boys just picked the wrong time.
And so no, no one was hurt, and no one got into a fight. I just made it perfectly clear I wasn't going to stand there and get messed with.
So, that was an exciting event of this evening.
And so off we went to the French Cultural Centre. Watched a drum show. It was fantastic.
And then it was over. And then I had to go back with Jozina back to the hostel, to pack up our things, to make our way to the airport. As I write, it's 2:00 am. She will be flying out of the airport in just 1/2 hr's time. So, our time was well spent, but also very short. We did a whirlwind tour of all that is Senegal, and I think she got a good sense of what the country is like in just a few short days.
And, today is a day to mark on the calendar. In 5 weeks time, exactly to the date, I'll be back in Canada. You might be able to pick up in the post that things have been tough at times. There's a lot to have to deal with overseas sometimes. Overall, it's been a good and worthwhile experience. I'm very much looking forward to the next 5 weeks, and extremely curious to know where it all leads at the end.
But, I am looking forward to certain aspects of home. Of coffee at Starbucks or Tims. Of cold. Of snow. Of relaxing days and evenings when things just 'are' and I don't have to think so much.
Still, there is an energy in the rush, tug, push, and pull of working overseas. If I can find something properly suited for me, I'll want to find myself somewhere else in the world in the future. Perhaps even Senegal, despite all the ups and downs.
Only time will tell, and for now, I'll just work on these next 5 weeks . . .
My sister arrived on Sunday, early morning, round 4:30 am, without any incident. We crashed till about noon, toured Dakar, and then made sure to sleep well that night.
Monday, we traveled to Fatick. We spent the day there, visiting a few co-workers, refusing multiple marriage proposals (although the offer of 60 cows was tempting). We saw the market place in Fatick, and we made a visit with Betty Reno and Laura, the two ex-pats with whom I've spent a lot of time over the past 5 months.
Tuesday, off we went to the village of Thiouthioune. I think Jozina got a better sense of what village life is like. Hot, dry, slow, and if you don't speak the local language, even more slow and boring than it would be if you at least speak French. But French doesn't cross all barriers either. Regardless, she wasn't too much a fan of the couscous, nor of the couscous with sweetened sour milk. She could live without 'atiya', the local Senegalese tea, and Café Touba wasn't a real thriller either. While she did eat the Djebu Jen (fish and rice), the fish was bought by me and thus a higher quality than is usual in the villages. And overall, I think she cut down a bit on her eating (although her appetite was also pretty low given the heat)
We ended up returning to Fatick at night, slowly wandering our way through the fields (following the sandy trails, mind you), directed by a few of the local teachers who caught a ride to Fatick from us. They provided the orientation, so that was a pretty good trade off.
Wednesday was a day of good and bad. The Bandia Reserve was excellent. Romping through the reserve, chasing after Giraffes and Rhinoceros. Couldn't do something like that at the African Lion Safari. Some good sites, some good pics.
On arriving in Ndagane, however, that's when things turned sour. Already tired from the day, frustrated by all the annoying negotiating one has to do in order to get somewhere and in order not to pay an unjust price, when we arrived at the hotel, I wasn't impressed. The pool wasn't that great, things were unkempt. Our room was dirty when we entered, and then, when we did switch rooms, they (I'm not kidding you) locked us in our room. After 5 minutes of pounding on the window pane, finally someone came. They said we had the key, we never even touched it, said they'd go try to find this lost second pair, and so we waited. And waited. While they had given us the spare key, we were mostly waiting for an apology. But, there was none. In fact, when we went out briefly to see how things were coming along, we found them all sitting around a table, talking away. So, that was the end of our stay at Les Cordons Bleus. Never to be recommended to anyone by me. At 80 USD a night, I would have expected to be treated by royalty, given that this is even a price charged in a place like Senegal.
The French can be so arrogant sometimes.
So, we jumped over to the simple, quaint hostel beside the hotel. Much, much simpler, half the price (even though on some level it wasn't worth that price either). But, the staff made all the difference. Bought us orange juice in the morning when we requested it, offered to go get and prepare our lunch on the Thursday, drove us into town with all of our luggage when we left Thursday evening. The main manager was a great guy.
5 hours after leaving the hostel, we finally arrived, tired and cramped from our ride in a 7 place station wagon, in Dakar. Crashed at New Tribes Mission. Probably my preferred resting spot in Dakar. Some great services included in the low price of 4600 CFA / night. Can't be beat.
And today, well, overall, today was great. Although, I'm sad to say I didn't do my job very well. We overpaid for a few key items we bought. Still, I think that it would probably take me about 1 year to get it all figured out. And even then there would be things that surprise me.
It was a pretty long day wandering around the markets of Dakar, continually shrugging off pestery sellers and occasionally thankfully avoiding scuffles after being called racist and being told that I should leave the market and go home to Canada by upset sellers, who, by the way, 20 minutes later, wanted to sell me something (losers). It can be tiring having to put up with their scheming and scamming.
All the same, en route to the French Cultural Centre in the evening, after the markets, I am content to report that I successfully fought off being stolen from.
There were 3 guys, all 'selling' things. Except, they stated pretty normal, acceptable prices. Clue number 1. Clue number 2. They were too happy. Number 3. They started grabbing my shorts, saying, wow, those are great shorts, great shoes etc. Then they started tugging and swishing my shorts. It was odd. And then they stopped. And in the back of my mind, something started wondering. I checked my pockets, and I had been checking my pockets during this time anyways. But, I double checked. We were about 15 seconds down the road, however, and they started really going at my shorts. I was like, 'what the heck are you doing?' All my senses on high, knowing that something was going down. And then, in the middle of their shaking and tugging my shorts, there was a hand reaching into my pocket . . .
And then there was me, shoving my hand against the third guy, pushing and shoving him into the side of the building at the side of the road. And then I went for his neck. Hand on his neck, my face burning, my eyes flashing, my adrenaline pumping, my heart burning so hard with anger, frustration, and fatigue of all that is sometimes Senegal. Of people who never stop asking for your money when sometimes I believe they should be working for it. Of people who state one price and then fail to live up to it. Of people who see white and only think of money. Of people who are as happy to sell you something as they are angry when you actually know the real price and simply cut to the chase.
Given the events of the day, and my level of frustration, this attempt by this 3 guys placed the piece of straw that broke the camels back. And I blew up. I yelled at that guy in English so hard, and drove at him so quickly. I didn't care what the other two were doing because I knew if I confronted this guy hard and forcefully, the other two would leave me alone or risk their friend being seriously injured if I started throwing punches.
At any rate, I shoved him away, yelling at him some more, threatened them not to come near me, and not to touch me again. And then I stormed off.
As odd as it might sound, I was thoroughly content. A little frightened perhaps, but there was a bunch of angst against some cultural stress that had been building up that was unleashed in those few moments. I let out against personal frustrations, against cultural nuisances, and against past failures. Against a time I was beat up (mildy) outside a bar in Guelph, against times in my life (grade school, high school, and even in university) when I've just stood there taking a beating or being threatened with one, instead of standing up for myself. It was a chance, finally, to simply show that I had had enough. These boys just picked the wrong time.
And so no, no one was hurt, and no one got into a fight. I just made it perfectly clear I wasn't going to stand there and get messed with.
So, that was an exciting event of this evening.
And so off we went to the French Cultural Centre. Watched a drum show. It was fantastic.
And then it was over. And then I had to go back with Jozina back to the hostel, to pack up our things, to make our way to the airport. As I write, it's 2:00 am. She will be flying out of the airport in just 1/2 hr's time. So, our time was well spent, but also very short. We did a whirlwind tour of all that is Senegal, and I think she got a good sense of what the country is like in just a few short days.
And, today is a day to mark on the calendar. In 5 weeks time, exactly to the date, I'll be back in Canada. You might be able to pick up in the post that things have been tough at times. There's a lot to have to deal with overseas sometimes. Overall, it's been a good and worthwhile experience. I'm very much looking forward to the next 5 weeks, and extremely curious to know where it all leads at the end.
But, I am looking forward to certain aspects of home. Of coffee at Starbucks or Tims. Of cold. Of snow. Of relaxing days and evenings when things just 'are' and I don't have to think so much.
Still, there is an energy in the rush, tug, push, and pull of working overseas. If I can find something properly suited for me, I'll want to find myself somewhere else in the world in the future. Perhaps even Senegal, despite all the ups and downs.
Only time will tell, and for now, I'll just work on these next 5 weeks . . .
Friday, October 19, 2007
Scorpions, Thiya, Headaches, and Satisfying work
In response to a few blog posts: were my Thiya gold, they wouldn't be offered as a sacrifice to encourage a bloke to drop the habit when it's highly unlikely that will ever be a reality. Whatever. If I do happen to return with Golden Thiya, touch them not. Or thou shalt loseth thy handethness.
. . .
I write some interesting words in my interesting title in the hopes that you might find it interesting.
Headaches: I suffered today. It's been a long time since. And I'm willing to believe that the heat is partly to blame. The thought crossed my mind that I've repeated told myself that I don't sweat here like back home. So, why would it be dehydration. I fail to remember, often, though, that dry heat doesn't cause you to notice the sweat as readily because it doesn't stay on you as much as with humid heat. So, my headaches are likely to have something to do with that.
All the same, there have been a few times that I have directly pushed on the shunt valve to see if it would pop up on its own. The doctor, when I was in the hospital last, did that to me once. I thought it was illegal, that doctor police would rush in and handcuff him. But, no. And apparently, that's still an appropriate action to do because if it doesn't pop back up, that's a bad sign. But, it should always pop back up.
So, finally, tonight, I did that. And it took awhile. So, I'm a little concerned. It's fine right now, but I was like, what?!? Jeez, let's get popping. But, whatever. I'm praying for 6 weeks of time so that I can do something that I feel I finally understand the direction and structure of. And all the learning in the villages has led me here, so I really don't plan on throwing in the towel just quite yet, not after all that time and effort, frustration and learning.
. . .
Scorpions. They do exist in West Africa. And thankfully they don't kill you, otherwise, well, I'd be dead . . . I thought I had put my stomach against something burning or against a fiercer version of some of the biting ants they have here in Senegal. But no, in between the door and the door frame was a scorpion. And it stung me. (bad word, towards the scorpion).
I looked at it, though, 'hey, that looks like a scorpion'. And then I looked at it, and wow, it was a scorpion. And then I thought, hmm, if I suddenly start feeling faint, oh man . . . so, off I went romping to find me a book that would tell me if I was about to die.
I'm grateful there are no deadly versions of scorpions in West Africa . . .
. . .
As I've already alluded to, my work, despite being really intense this past week, has been really satisfying. I tend, as everyone must know by now, to sometimes do things in long-winded form. I realized that a few of the documents I slaved away at during my planning days for the Workshop planning days (so, the planning for the planning), well, they weren't that useful. And should've been abbreviated. So, they are now. But, they weren't then. Oh well.
Yesterday and today were long planning sessions where I learned that the planning I had done wasn't enough (not a huge surprise), and that we would have to expand what I was doing in a few ways. Workshop dates have been re-arranged, a new 'Jour de Harmonization' (a day of planning to make sure certain invitees are thinking the way we want them to be) was planned for each ADP where I worked.
Despite all of this, and because of it, really, because it means there are tangible and exciting things to do, my work has been satisfying this past week. For this, I am extremely thankful.
I'm also grateful for available money for the workshops, even while I haven't seen any of it yet. I'll be reimbursed all the same, and I haven't spent much of my own for the workshops to date. I won't be able to spend more anyways because I really don't have that much money at present. Except the money for my vacation.
Yes, priorities.
. . .
Well, I want to be rested for my day of work tomorrow. So, off to bed I go. I want to wake up well, without a headache.
We'll see.
. . .
I write some interesting words in my interesting title in the hopes that you might find it interesting.
Headaches: I suffered today. It's been a long time since. And I'm willing to believe that the heat is partly to blame. The thought crossed my mind that I've repeated told myself that I don't sweat here like back home. So, why would it be dehydration. I fail to remember, often, though, that dry heat doesn't cause you to notice the sweat as readily because it doesn't stay on you as much as with humid heat. So, my headaches are likely to have something to do with that.
All the same, there have been a few times that I have directly pushed on the shunt valve to see if it would pop up on its own. The doctor, when I was in the hospital last, did that to me once. I thought it was illegal, that doctor police would rush in and handcuff him. But, no. And apparently, that's still an appropriate action to do because if it doesn't pop back up, that's a bad sign. But, it should always pop back up.
So, finally, tonight, I did that. And it took awhile. So, I'm a little concerned. It's fine right now, but I was like, what?!? Jeez, let's get popping. But, whatever. I'm praying for 6 weeks of time so that I can do something that I feel I finally understand the direction and structure of. And all the learning in the villages has led me here, so I really don't plan on throwing in the towel just quite yet, not after all that time and effort, frustration and learning.
. . .
Scorpions. They do exist in West Africa. And thankfully they don't kill you, otherwise, well, I'd be dead . . . I thought I had put my stomach against something burning or against a fiercer version of some of the biting ants they have here in Senegal. But no, in between the door and the door frame was a scorpion. And it stung me. (bad word, towards the scorpion).
I looked at it, though, 'hey, that looks like a scorpion'. And then I looked at it, and wow, it was a scorpion. And then I thought, hmm, if I suddenly start feeling faint, oh man . . . so, off I went romping to find me a book that would tell me if I was about to die.
I'm grateful there are no deadly versions of scorpions in West Africa . . .
. . .
As I've already alluded to, my work, despite being really intense this past week, has been really satisfying. I tend, as everyone must know by now, to sometimes do things in long-winded form. I realized that a few of the documents I slaved away at during my planning days for the Workshop planning days (so, the planning for the planning), well, they weren't that useful. And should've been abbreviated. So, they are now. But, they weren't then. Oh well.
Yesterday and today were long planning sessions where I learned that the planning I had done wasn't enough (not a huge surprise), and that we would have to expand what I was doing in a few ways. Workshop dates have been re-arranged, a new 'Jour de Harmonization' (a day of planning to make sure certain invitees are thinking the way we want them to be) was planned for each ADP where I worked.
Despite all of this, and because of it, really, because it means there are tangible and exciting things to do, my work has been satisfying this past week. For this, I am extremely thankful.
I'm also grateful for available money for the workshops, even while I haven't seen any of it yet. I'll be reimbursed all the same, and I haven't spent much of my own for the workshops to date. I won't be able to spend more anyways because I really don't have that much money at present. Except the money for my vacation.
Yes, priorities.
. . .
Well, I want to be rested for my day of work tomorrow. So, off to bed I go. I want to wake up well, without a headache.
We'll see.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
my white thiya and the workshop saga
Ah yes, if World Vision has taught me one thing (or has got me learning about it) is how to be flexible to changes.
All the funding for my workshops wasn't transferred between FY 07 and FY 08. Meaning, that even though they're working on finding funding from a different source, I'm pretty sure officially on paper right now, there's no money for the workshops that I've just spent the last 2 days and 20 hours of work trying to prepare for . . .
But, really, quite frankly, we can still do them without any budget whatsoever. That's the beauty of them. We won't feed anyone, but they can feed themselves because it's happening in the villages. We might lose a few State reps, but the people whom the workshops concern the most, well, they'll still be there.
So, if you ask me, if worse came to worse, I'd just do them on my own money. I'm paid well enough here to do that (to fund, of course, the much more simplified version of the workshops). Or at least 1 or 2 of them. I'm not sure after that . . . !
....
At any rate, that's not going to happen. There will be money, and by the time I come back from my vacation, everything will have fallen into place.
I hope.
....
So, did I tell you about my white Thiya? Well, my sort of white thiya? Okay, my white thiya that I spilled chocolate spread all over today . . . I washed most of it out, and eventually, when it fades to dusty brown, it'll fit right in!
My white Thiya. The glory of Senegal. Pants. Made out of 5 meters of material. Watch Aladdin again and then just attach the bottom of his pants, poke two holes in the bottom for feet, and double the width (which you then bunch up as you make it fit your waist).
As you might very well understand, I love them. And so do my Senegalese friends. Or co-workers. I can actually say that some of them have become friends. Friends I will miss. But friends without much depth, a product of a lack of time (my running into villages all the time never helped), my avoidance for quite some time, and language barriers. But, they're still friends all the same, and they love my pants. Or, more accurately, they like a white boy in Mourride pants. Or Bi-Fall. I can't remember what religious group . . . At any rate, I also have very colourful, patchwork Bi Fall pants to show off when I get home.
I think I'll wear them to the World Vision Canada office a few times. I'm sure it'd be acceptable attire (one of the only places in the world where this would be so . . .)
But yes, my white Thiya I am hoping to keep relatively white. I also plan on buying two more, which are NOT white. They shall be all mine! And I shall wear them. And I shall love them. And they shall not give me wedgies. And they shall not be see through when wet (except the white ones). And they shall be cool.
K, I've been in the office FAAAAAR too long, and I need to jet.
Plus, my head hurts. Sort of.
But what else is new.
'Stupid head' is sometimes stated as a mockery of someone. Mine would be an adjective for my head . . .
And no, it's not that bad. It's probably dehydration anyways. It's pretty warm here right now. 35 degrees I'm sure. Compared to your ungodly 10. Can't wait for it.
Write me.
All the funding for my workshops wasn't transferred between FY 07 and FY 08. Meaning, that even though they're working on finding funding from a different source, I'm pretty sure officially on paper right now, there's no money for the workshops that I've just spent the last 2 days and 20 hours of work trying to prepare for . . .
But, really, quite frankly, we can still do them without any budget whatsoever. That's the beauty of them. We won't feed anyone, but they can feed themselves because it's happening in the villages. We might lose a few State reps, but the people whom the workshops concern the most, well, they'll still be there.
So, if you ask me, if worse came to worse, I'd just do them on my own money. I'm paid well enough here to do that (to fund, of course, the much more simplified version of the workshops). Or at least 1 or 2 of them. I'm not sure after that . . . !
....
At any rate, that's not going to happen. There will be money, and by the time I come back from my vacation, everything will have fallen into place.
I hope.
....
So, did I tell you about my white Thiya? Well, my sort of white thiya? Okay, my white thiya that I spilled chocolate spread all over today . . . I washed most of it out, and eventually, when it fades to dusty brown, it'll fit right in!
My white Thiya. The glory of Senegal. Pants. Made out of 5 meters of material. Watch Aladdin again and then just attach the bottom of his pants, poke two holes in the bottom for feet, and double the width (which you then bunch up as you make it fit your waist).
As you might very well understand, I love them. And so do my Senegalese friends. Or co-workers. I can actually say that some of them have become friends. Friends I will miss. But friends without much depth, a product of a lack of time (my running into villages all the time never helped), my avoidance for quite some time, and language barriers. But, they're still friends all the same, and they love my pants. Or, more accurately, they like a white boy in Mourride pants. Or Bi-Fall. I can't remember what religious group . . . At any rate, I also have very colourful, patchwork Bi Fall pants to show off when I get home.
I think I'll wear them to the World Vision Canada office a few times. I'm sure it'd be acceptable attire (one of the only places in the world where this would be so . . .)
But yes, my white Thiya I am hoping to keep relatively white. I also plan on buying two more, which are NOT white. They shall be all mine! And I shall wear them. And I shall love them. And they shall not give me wedgies. And they shall not be see through when wet (except the white ones). And they shall be cool.
K, I've been in the office FAAAAAR too long, and I need to jet.
Plus, my head hurts. Sort of.
But what else is new.
'Stupid head' is sometimes stated as a mockery of someone. Mine would be an adjective for my head . . .
And no, it's not that bad. It's probably dehydration anyways. It's pretty warm here right now. 35 degrees I'm sure. Compared to your ungodly 10. Can't wait for it.
Write me.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Hurting ears and the Jesus excuse
I like creating sort of bizarre titles. Perhaps they'll get people's attention.
. . .
NEways, I guess it's been just a little while since I last posted. It's 8 pm, and I'm still at the office. I say that sounding proud, and then I realize that there are millions of people who do that every day . . . Just, sitting at a computer and thinking for about 9 - 10 hours, regardless of what people say, can still be tiring . . .
. . .
My ears hurt, not because I have an infection but because I've been listening to my music almost non-stop during most of this day. Which has helped to motivate me through a lot of the reading and planning I've been doing. There's a song by Erika called 'I Don't Know' on the DanceFox Vol 1 cd that I received from the German couple that befriended me while I was tenting it on my own in Barcelona . . . I love how that sentence makes complete sense. Germans helping a Canadian. All are chilling out on the beaches of Barcelona . . . ah ha ha ha.
At any rate, things are slowly and very quickly piecing themselves together for the workshops. I've been spending the last few days trying to plan the Workshop Planning Days, to make sure things are addressed properly, completely, and efficiently.
. . .
The second part of the title has a slighly deeper meaning. Much of my time in Senegal has been rough. I can be the first to admit it, but also the first to understand why. There are many reasons:
- Not letting go of my friends (but knowing now that we're all moving on and that when I come back home, I'm no longer expecting things to be the same even while they will still be).
- Not really taking to 'agriculture' as much as I might have thought. This is still an ongoing thought process. Environment, yes. Agriculture? Not sure. But, the major question remaining is, Was it because I had no idea what I was doing that I don't like I like agriculture? Or is it the opposite? That because I'm not so keen on agriculture, I didn't know what I was doing and therefore didn't enjoy my time as well as I could have? Mind you, there's a lot to be said for not having designed my village visits well at all. I feel I should have known, but apparently and obviously did not. Oh well. That dimension would have helped everything. But, at least I got to learn the lesson.
- I've had a hard time connecting with the people that live here. That's odd, overall. I think there's something to be said here. I've connected well with the ex-pats, and a few people from whom I buy my groceries. And some of the youth of the Roman Catholic church that I rarely go to. But, still, I've found ways to fill the gaps, and travling over the weekends has been one of the ways. Mostly to get away from Fatick or to visit an ex-pat or chill in Dakar. I've really enjoyed this aspect of my time here, however, and it made a huge difference to everything by about early August.
But, these reasons to the side, here's the more major reason why it was rough: I wasn't able to see how my work matched my calling. While it's still not defined, the point finally drove itself home one day. I'm not sure entirely how, but it did.
It's not really going to be about what I'm doing as much as what I'm doing with what I'm doing. Get it? So, knowing whether I like agriculture versus the environment is important yes. But, what I was ignoring or refusing to give myself over to was this: no matter where I am, I am still able to serve the Lord. Obvious, eh? But, don't use the line 'I need to be serving the Lord according to my call' as an excuse not to work . . .
If you could see it, most of the issues I've been struggling with have a lot to do with personal pride and selfish greed. I think. Can't let go of my money. Can't simply take the time to listen to people, come along side them, come along the poor for fear of having to live like them.
Just, I have to start learning to do this wherever I am because is it just going to go away when I go home to Canada? It will if I revert to the boredom that repulsed me away from my country in the first place. And I can't go back to that. Don't really want to.
So, either I start living 'on the edge between light and darkness' (where all Christians should be striving to be near or moving towards) in Canada or abroad. I'm down with either, but I have to stop being comfortable. And I have to start working . . . life isn't really what it used to be. i.e. I'm not in school anymore. aha ha ha.
So, if I'm unwilling to think, unwilling to apply myself, unwilling to go into uncomfortable places, unwilling to see Jesus where he is active in every corner of the world do that in every aspect of my living, nothing will be fulfilling. Because at certain points, work is simply work. Parts of it are cool. Other parts suck. They're just work. So, thinking that because I don't like my work in some ways that therefore I'm not fulfilling my 'call' is, I think I'm learning, wrong.
I do still need to figure out what specific aspect of development I'm most passionate about. This will help. But, I'm more sure now than before that it is in development. Just, not necessarily agriculture . . . And regardless, this doesn't give me the excuse to not work.
The other dimension in all of this is me being willing to accept that, really, I don't think I want to link myself to a 'mission board' because then you get caught up in doctrinal and denominational squabblings. If I'm not linked to a denomination, then it becomes merely about sharing the gospel, not sharing the gospel according to the CRCers, the SoBaps, the Presbys, or the Lutherians. I just have no interest in getting caught up in that.
Development has it's own squabblings, but when I talk with people that I meet around the world, it won't have as much to do with whether we think Jesus wants us to submerge or sprinkle when baptizing. Just, that I'm trying to bring people to the point where they're willing to be baptized. That's seems a more exciting thing to be focusing on.
Oh, and if I don't want to think, I guess I can just go to the nearby KFC or McDonalds and work there . . .
Oh, and of course, yes, this post is all about my thoughts. Again. Sorry. And not that clear. I know. Oh well. Sorry. Just think about it . . .
. . .
NEways, I guess it's been just a little while since I last posted. It's 8 pm, and I'm still at the office. I say that sounding proud, and then I realize that there are millions of people who do that every day . . . Just, sitting at a computer and thinking for about 9 - 10 hours, regardless of what people say, can still be tiring . . .
. . .
My ears hurt, not because I have an infection but because I've been listening to my music almost non-stop during most of this day. Which has helped to motivate me through a lot of the reading and planning I've been doing. There's a song by Erika called 'I Don't Know' on the DanceFox Vol 1 cd that I received from the German couple that befriended me while I was tenting it on my own in Barcelona . . . I love how that sentence makes complete sense. Germans helping a Canadian. All are chilling out on the beaches of Barcelona . . . ah ha ha ha.
At any rate, things are slowly and very quickly piecing themselves together for the workshops. I've been spending the last few days trying to plan the Workshop Planning Days, to make sure things are addressed properly, completely, and efficiently.
. . .
The second part of the title has a slighly deeper meaning. Much of my time in Senegal has been rough. I can be the first to admit it, but also the first to understand why. There are many reasons:
- Not letting go of my friends (but knowing now that we're all moving on and that when I come back home, I'm no longer expecting things to be the same even while they will still be).
- Not really taking to 'agriculture' as much as I might have thought. This is still an ongoing thought process. Environment, yes. Agriculture? Not sure. But, the major question remaining is, Was it because I had no idea what I was doing that I don't like I like agriculture? Or is it the opposite? That because I'm not so keen on agriculture, I didn't know what I was doing and therefore didn't enjoy my time as well as I could have? Mind you, there's a lot to be said for not having designed my village visits well at all. I feel I should have known, but apparently and obviously did not. Oh well. That dimension would have helped everything. But, at least I got to learn the lesson.
- I've had a hard time connecting with the people that live here. That's odd, overall. I think there's something to be said here. I've connected well with the ex-pats, and a few people from whom I buy my groceries. And some of the youth of the Roman Catholic church that I rarely go to. But, still, I've found ways to fill the gaps, and travling over the weekends has been one of the ways. Mostly to get away from Fatick or to visit an ex-pat or chill in Dakar. I've really enjoyed this aspect of my time here, however, and it made a huge difference to everything by about early August.
But, these reasons to the side, here's the more major reason why it was rough: I wasn't able to see how my work matched my calling. While it's still not defined, the point finally drove itself home one day. I'm not sure entirely how, but it did.
It's not really going to be about what I'm doing as much as what I'm doing with what I'm doing. Get it? So, knowing whether I like agriculture versus the environment is important yes. But, what I was ignoring or refusing to give myself over to was this: no matter where I am, I am still able to serve the Lord. Obvious, eh? But, don't use the line 'I need to be serving the Lord according to my call' as an excuse not to work . . .
If you could see it, most of the issues I've been struggling with have a lot to do with personal pride and selfish greed. I think. Can't let go of my money. Can't simply take the time to listen to people, come along side them, come along the poor for fear of having to live like them.
Just, I have to start learning to do this wherever I am because is it just going to go away when I go home to Canada? It will if I revert to the boredom that repulsed me away from my country in the first place. And I can't go back to that. Don't really want to.
So, either I start living 'on the edge between light and darkness' (where all Christians should be striving to be near or moving towards) in Canada or abroad. I'm down with either, but I have to stop being comfortable. And I have to start working . . . life isn't really what it used to be. i.e. I'm not in school anymore. aha ha ha.
So, if I'm unwilling to think, unwilling to apply myself, unwilling to go into uncomfortable places, unwilling to see Jesus where he is active in every corner of the world do that in every aspect of my living, nothing will be fulfilling. Because at certain points, work is simply work. Parts of it are cool. Other parts suck. They're just work. So, thinking that because I don't like my work in some ways that therefore I'm not fulfilling my 'call' is, I think I'm learning, wrong.
I do still need to figure out what specific aspect of development I'm most passionate about. This will help. But, I'm more sure now than before that it is in development. Just, not necessarily agriculture . . . And regardless, this doesn't give me the excuse to not work.
The other dimension in all of this is me being willing to accept that, really, I don't think I want to link myself to a 'mission board' because then you get caught up in doctrinal and denominational squabblings. If I'm not linked to a denomination, then it becomes merely about sharing the gospel, not sharing the gospel according to the CRCers, the SoBaps, the Presbys, or the Lutherians. I just have no interest in getting caught up in that.
Development has it's own squabblings, but when I talk with people that I meet around the world, it won't have as much to do with whether we think Jesus wants us to submerge or sprinkle when baptizing. Just, that I'm trying to bring people to the point where they're willing to be baptized. That's seems a more exciting thing to be focusing on.
Oh, and if I don't want to think, I guess I can just go to the nearby KFC or McDonalds and work there . . .
Oh, and of course, yes, this post is all about my thoughts. Again. Sorry. And not that clear. I know. Oh well. Sorry. Just think about it . . .
Friday, October 5, 2007
Questionable bread and the full exploitation of first aid
Every morning (almost), I buy bread from a seller who has a boutique about 100 m from my house. While I know where the bread comes from (it arrives in the back of a taxi, having been brought there from the village boulagerie), sometimes I wonder in what state it arrives. At any rate, it usually tastes half decent. Just, by the time it gets to me, I often wonder how many hands have touched it and what has been on the hands of those who have touched it . . . But ah, such is life, and I have yet to get seriously sick my whole time being here.
. . .
I've noticed that if you get a cut or an open sore on the ankle of your foot, right by your sandal strap, it can take a very long time to heal. As a consequence, finally I dove into my first aid kit, which is full of happy treasures waiting to be used for the sake of my health. I appreciate that red bag more than ever before, although I find it rather ironice that I've used it not while in the villages but while in the city . . . But, the thing is loaded with meds, bandages, alcohol wipes, and even, as I discovered for the first time when I opened it up for the first time only a few weeks ago, medications! For diarrhea, cold, and headaches. Why I was buying medications, I don't know . . . ah ha ha ha ha.
. . .
I am alone, at the moment. My housemates have moved out. I spent last night not wasting the evening away by watching a few movies (although I did watch one episode of "Heroes"). No, I cleaned out our kitchen. It was disgusting. Still, I bleached the floor, and wiped down the walls somewhat. Emptied out a whack of junk that was in it. I like my kitchen a lot more now!
I made note of two things: truly, I was living with bachelors (well, even if they did have kids, in that house, they lived alone while in Fatick) and second, the maid didn't do a very good job of cleaning.
But, with the boys goes the maid. So, now, finally, for the first time, I have the kitchen to myself, and perhaps I'll have to find someone to start cleaning out my house on a daily basis. Except, she'll actually clean well, not like this other woman . . . And, I also have to find someone else to do my laundry . . .
. . .
A new family, however, is moving into the two other rooms, but they are WV workers, so I'm sure it will be a beneficial thing.
. . .
NEwho, that's all for now. I gotta get to my day.
. . .
I've noticed that if you get a cut or an open sore on the ankle of your foot, right by your sandal strap, it can take a very long time to heal. As a consequence, finally I dove into my first aid kit, which is full of happy treasures waiting to be used for the sake of my health. I appreciate that red bag more than ever before, although I find it rather ironice that I've used it not while in the villages but while in the city . . . But, the thing is loaded with meds, bandages, alcohol wipes, and even, as I discovered for the first time when I opened it up for the first time only a few weeks ago, medications! For diarrhea, cold, and headaches. Why I was buying medications, I don't know . . . ah ha ha ha ha.
. . .
I am alone, at the moment. My housemates have moved out. I spent last night not wasting the evening away by watching a few movies (although I did watch one episode of "Heroes"). No, I cleaned out our kitchen. It was disgusting. Still, I bleached the floor, and wiped down the walls somewhat. Emptied out a whack of junk that was in it. I like my kitchen a lot more now!
I made note of two things: truly, I was living with bachelors (well, even if they did have kids, in that house, they lived alone while in Fatick) and second, the maid didn't do a very good job of cleaning.
But, with the boys goes the maid. So, now, finally, for the first time, I have the kitchen to myself, and perhaps I'll have to find someone to start cleaning out my house on a daily basis. Except, she'll actually clean well, not like this other woman . . . And, I also have to find someone else to do my laundry . . .
. . .
A new family, however, is moving into the two other rooms, but they are WV workers, so I'm sure it will be a beneficial thing.
. . .
NEwho, that's all for now. I gotta get to my day.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Home sooner than I wanted
No, don't worry. I'm not sick. I'm not coming home toute de suite.
However, my ticket obligates me to be home in Toronto on the 30th of November. So, because of my eager desire to chill out (or sweat out!) in Senegal for another month, I've sort of lost Paris.
Sort of. I'll have 24 hours.
Enough time to do what I wanted to do, but sadly not the 4 day layover I wanted. Tant pis.
. . .
Oh, unless I wanted to pay the $4000 difference to upgrade my ticket from 6 months to 1 year . . . ah ha ha ha ha ha
. . . . . . . .
Currently, I have a second address here in Fatick. Write me, if you want. It's the office. Boo.
. . .
I also seem to have probably lost les Conventions Locales. The contact 'on the other end' wanted to put everything in a professional context, which was a little much. He didn't receive his little letter from World Vision, so he didn't oblige me with the names of contacts at the village level. So, I had my WV supervisor handle it. Except, I think it's too little too late given how much would need to be arranged in such a short period of time.
If that route falls through, I will spend the next week hopefully re-visiting the villages where RNA is being praticed. There's still a lot there I wasn't able to pick up on.
. . .
Actually, the only reason why I'm still sitting here is that I'm waiting to pay for the change to my e-ticket. But, I have to wait my turn.
The Air France system is horrible. Waaaaay too long of a wait for the customer. Craziness.
The song on their 'you wait here and do nothing' system is really annoying . . . Slow and boring ...
. . .
At any rate, I got a lot of things accomplished today. I'm looking forward to an evening of eating I don't know what. I wanted to cook something, but I won't have enough time, given it's 7:00 pm already, and I want to have some time to do nothing for a change.
. . .
Hey! I'm through! Making my changes to my flight now! Yaaa. I can go home soon!
. . .
I've also been able to deal with my house situation. My housemates have moved out today. But, another co-worker is coming tomorrow or the day after and taking the other two rooms. It's pretty neat, because I was a bit worried about having the money for this particular month. (just because there are things I've been willing to help out with that put me at a partial shortage for the time being . . .)
NEways, I've just got off the phone. I'm outta here.
However, my ticket obligates me to be home in Toronto on the 30th of November. So, because of my eager desire to chill out (or sweat out!) in Senegal for another month, I've sort of lost Paris.
Sort of. I'll have 24 hours.
Enough time to do what I wanted to do, but sadly not the 4 day layover I wanted. Tant pis.
. . .
Oh, unless I wanted to pay the $4000 difference to upgrade my ticket from 6 months to 1 year . . . ah ha ha ha ha ha
. . . . . . . .
Currently, I have a second address here in Fatick. Write me, if you want. It's the office. Boo.
. . .
I also seem to have probably lost les Conventions Locales. The contact 'on the other end' wanted to put everything in a professional context, which was a little much. He didn't receive his little letter from World Vision, so he didn't oblige me with the names of contacts at the village level. So, I had my WV supervisor handle it. Except, I think it's too little too late given how much would need to be arranged in such a short period of time.
If that route falls through, I will spend the next week hopefully re-visiting the villages where RNA is being praticed. There's still a lot there I wasn't able to pick up on.
. . .
Actually, the only reason why I'm still sitting here is that I'm waiting to pay for the change to my e-ticket. But, I have to wait my turn.
The Air France system is horrible. Waaaaay too long of a wait for the customer. Craziness.
The song on their 'you wait here and do nothing' system is really annoying . . . Slow and boring ...
. . .
At any rate, I got a lot of things accomplished today. I'm looking forward to an evening of eating I don't know what. I wanted to cook something, but I won't have enough time, given it's 7:00 pm already, and I want to have some time to do nothing for a change.
. . .
Hey! I'm through! Making my changes to my flight now! Yaaa. I can go home soon!
. . .
I've also been able to deal with my house situation. My housemates have moved out today. But, another co-worker is coming tomorrow or the day after and taking the other two rooms. It's pretty neat, because I was a bit worried about having the money for this particular month. (just because there are things I've been willing to help out with that put me at a partial shortage for the time being . . .)
NEways, I've just got off the phone. I'm outta here.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
22 minutes
I should leave the American's house in Fatick by 9:30. That gives me 22 minutes. So, for my purposes, this 'hour' has 22 minutes. (sorry about the pathetic line just then)
It's Wednesday, and I came back from a short stint 'hovering above' the villages (didn't sleep in the village, and was in and out during these past two days)
Saw a project on Natural Regeneration that WV is starting up near Baba Garage. It's a neat project, despite it requiring a lot of external capital. All development projects appear to demand that, mind you.
I am encouraged, all the same, by some of the people that are working on it: Leopold Diouf and Rabiou Husseini. Rabiou was hired by WV and sent from Niger where they have implemented an impressive natural regeneration project. He is a neat little fellow, very passionate about what he's doing. I think his dynamism adds a huge element to the current success of the program.
. . .
Wanting to explore perceptions, however, still always ends up being an interesting process. Because it's hard to peel back the layers, to see what the real reasons are. Mind you, with all the repetition, I'm beginning to wonder how much is really there to peel back versus how much is simply, 'that's just what they honestly think'.
. . .
So, the purpose of my 'workshops' I think, will be to try to understand to what degree people actually value the trees and given that value, how they feel they might be able to come together to address the constraints that are there keeping them from protecting the trees. At any rate, there are a bunch of things I have to talk with my supervisor about.
. . .
Everything seems to be last minute here. Tomorrow is Thursday, and I will have to see whether things for les Conventions Locales have actually fallen into place. I called my contact the other day, and he told me that because he hadn't received a letter from WV that he wasn't going to give me the contact info. I told him that letter was supposed to have been sent. He told me that he hadn't received it and thus . . . So I called Mansour Fall, my WV supervisor and asked him to see what he could arrange . . . don't know where things stand. That gives me tomorrow and Friday, as well as Saturday and Sunday, to prepare for a stay in a village.
. . .
I realize that to get my work done, I've had to do a lot more of the logistics planning than I would have thought. This is empowering and time consuming, all at the same time. And because it takes time, it takes away from me being able to really figure out how to do my work effectively.
The on going challenge that I'm fully realizing now is that it is utterly about asking good questions, and clear questions. And anyone that knows me knows that I get convoluted, even when I don't want to be. Plus, this I'm trying to do this all in French and then it's being translated into Wolof or Serer . . .
. . .
Yesterday was one of the first times I told myself that I didn't really have to go home. Community is slowly building within the ex-pat community, and I'm slowly getting comfortable with people in some of the villages I've been apart of. I understand better now a lot of the reasons for the challenges of the first half of this internship. And the challenges haven't left; just, they've changed form.
. . .
We were in the market today, and I ended up ordering a 'thiya' to be made. Watch 'Aladdin' and look at his pants . . . that's right! Except, these are attached at the bottom. They're wicked cool to look at, and I'll for sure be looking to have a second pair made. These ones are white, so I'll only be able to wear it for special occassions (church or special parties and such).
. . .
I have a tonne of souvenirs, and I'm slowly trying to give away all of my stuff in my room. I need to make room for all the souvenirs . . .
. . .
NEwho, I need to be looking to head out. Write me if you get the chance, whoever wants to write me.
I have a lot of work to do over the next few days . . .
. . .
Oh, and on October 13 or 14 (2nd weekend from now), I'll be 'celebrating' Korité with a muslim family in Thiès. I was invited over by the family of the Peace Corps volunteer that I went to go visit last weekend. I plan on wearing my Thiya! It should be good times.
. . .
Oh, and if I am in the village on October 10, that'll be an entirely new experience for me also . . .
I'll have to find an evening when I can throw myself a party . . . 24. Jeez. I'll be old like the rest of you.
In fact, I'll be in a village, if that happens, for Jackie and Jolene's birthday's too! Craziness.
. . .
NEwho, I'm out!
It's Wednesday, and I came back from a short stint 'hovering above' the villages (didn't sleep in the village, and was in and out during these past two days)
Saw a project on Natural Regeneration that WV is starting up near Baba Garage. It's a neat project, despite it requiring a lot of external capital. All development projects appear to demand that, mind you.
I am encouraged, all the same, by some of the people that are working on it: Leopold Diouf and Rabiou Husseini. Rabiou was hired by WV and sent from Niger where they have implemented an impressive natural regeneration project. He is a neat little fellow, very passionate about what he's doing. I think his dynamism adds a huge element to the current success of the program.
. . .
Wanting to explore perceptions, however, still always ends up being an interesting process. Because it's hard to peel back the layers, to see what the real reasons are. Mind you, with all the repetition, I'm beginning to wonder how much is really there to peel back versus how much is simply, 'that's just what they honestly think'.
. . .
So, the purpose of my 'workshops' I think, will be to try to understand to what degree people actually value the trees and given that value, how they feel they might be able to come together to address the constraints that are there keeping them from protecting the trees. At any rate, there are a bunch of things I have to talk with my supervisor about.
. . .
Everything seems to be last minute here. Tomorrow is Thursday, and I will have to see whether things for les Conventions Locales have actually fallen into place. I called my contact the other day, and he told me that because he hadn't received a letter from WV that he wasn't going to give me the contact info. I told him that letter was supposed to have been sent. He told me that he hadn't received it and thus . . . So I called Mansour Fall, my WV supervisor and asked him to see what he could arrange . . . don't know where things stand. That gives me tomorrow and Friday, as well as Saturday and Sunday, to prepare for a stay in a village.
. . .
I realize that to get my work done, I've had to do a lot more of the logistics planning than I would have thought. This is empowering and time consuming, all at the same time. And because it takes time, it takes away from me being able to really figure out how to do my work effectively.
The on going challenge that I'm fully realizing now is that it is utterly about asking good questions, and clear questions. And anyone that knows me knows that I get convoluted, even when I don't want to be. Plus, this I'm trying to do this all in French and then it's being translated into Wolof or Serer . . .
. . .
Yesterday was one of the first times I told myself that I didn't really have to go home. Community is slowly building within the ex-pat community, and I'm slowly getting comfortable with people in some of the villages I've been apart of. I understand better now a lot of the reasons for the challenges of the first half of this internship. And the challenges haven't left; just, they've changed form.
. . .
We were in the market today, and I ended up ordering a 'thiya' to be made. Watch 'Aladdin' and look at his pants . . . that's right! Except, these are attached at the bottom. They're wicked cool to look at, and I'll for sure be looking to have a second pair made. These ones are white, so I'll only be able to wear it for special occassions (church or special parties and such).
. . .
I have a tonne of souvenirs, and I'm slowly trying to give away all of my stuff in my room. I need to make room for all the souvenirs . . .
. . .
NEwho, I need to be looking to head out. Write me if you get the chance, whoever wants to write me.
I have a lot of work to do over the next few days . . .
. . .
Oh, and on October 13 or 14 (2nd weekend from now), I'll be 'celebrating' Korité with a muslim family in Thiès. I was invited over by the family of the Peace Corps volunteer that I went to go visit last weekend. I plan on wearing my Thiya! It should be good times.
. . .
Oh, and if I am in the village on October 10, that'll be an entirely new experience for me also . . .
I'll have to find an evening when I can throw myself a party . . . 24. Jeez. I'll be old like the rest of you.
In fact, I'll be in a village, if that happens, for Jackie and Jolene's birthday's too! Craziness.
. . .
NEwho, I'm out!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
About a life lesson
Take time to do what you're doing. Do it well, to the best of your abilities.
The life lesson? . . .
Take time to stop doing what you're doing and THINK about what you've done. Reflect on what it means.
I never gave myself nor took that time. For whatever reason. Perhaps I thought I wasn't allowed. That I was supposed to know already.
Given my last post, I'm working hard to just let the past be the past and to learn from it. But, it's tough because I see leads now that I don't think I saw really before. Nor did I give myself the time to prepare adequately in order to pursue them even if I had.
A lesson learned in time.
I now strive to apply the lesson for the workshops and, hopefully, gain from that lesson.
The life lesson? . . .
Take time to stop doing what you're doing and THINK about what you've done. Reflect on what it means.
I never gave myself nor took that time. For whatever reason. Perhaps I thought I wasn't allowed. That I was supposed to know already.
Given my last post, I'm working hard to just let the past be the past and to learn from it. But, it's tough because I see leads now that I don't think I saw really before. Nor did I give myself the time to prepare adequately in order to pursue them even if I had.
A lesson learned in time.
I now strive to apply the lesson for the workshops and, hopefully, gain from that lesson.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Simplify
For the next two months, let's say, for all my wonderings and all the issues of the past, and all the blogging I was going to post this weekend:
I will work hard to live in the present for the next two months. Not wallowing in the past or stressing about the future. Just a day by day, focused pursuit of clearer goals I've set for myself within a timeline that makes more sense than the one previous . . .
I will work hard to live in the present for the next two months. Not wallowing in the past or stressing about the future. Just a day by day, focused pursuit of clearer goals I've set for myself within a timeline that makes more sense than the one previous . . .
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Reflections
Shout outs to everyone back home. This is attempt number two of this message. We'll see if the internet doesn't get stupid on me.
I'm currently in between Joal Fadouith and Mbour. Just north of JF. At a hotel called Laguna Beach. Was here once before just before Christmas vac last year (when I was first here, b4 I got sick).
It's a cool place to be at, but the reason for my being here this time is slightly different. This time it's work and not vac.
An African Livelihoods Securities workshop. It's actually quite interesting. Has a lot to do with both my 'work' in the villages as well as the core mentality of my university undergrad. And actually, it's quite amazing that it's not a concept that has already been adopted. And, in fact, it's pretty interesting to hear some of the ideas and comments people have. I think to myself, what? really? you think that way? Or you think it's about that? hmmm.
(essentially, for once, in some ways, with some people, I feel like I have something to contribute)
All the same, World Vision is merely trying to bring itself to a point where it should already fully be but only exists in part. It's a gigantic organization, however, and so its movements are little sluggish . . . We're good at structure, but the structure sometimes inhibits agile movement . . .
. . .
I've been sick for over a week now. Not terribly so, but enough to screw around with my mood enough not to be terribly motivated last week in the village. Things went over relatively well, though, all things considered. In fact, I also ended up staying in the village till Saturday morning for a change (instead of leaving Friday morning or afternoon). This past Friday, too, was the start of Ramadan, so I took part in la jeûne (the daily fast). We woke up at 5:30 to eat some breakfast (the khad) and then I didn't eat or drink until 7 pm Friday. Meanwhile, I had been sick since Tuesday. But, I watched myself, and if it had been a problem (especially the not drinking part) I would have resumed eating and drinking. As it was, I survived, although I thoroughly enjoyed my Café Touba and bread at 7 pm.
. . .
There are a lot of things I've learned and accepted over the past number of weeks, as well as tried to move on from. I've realized and accepted a lot of the weakness and flaws of the approach that I designed. Running between villages every week and not giving myself time to talk and discuss and reflect on a village experience are probably the two major weaknesses. At times, I could say there's been a lack of support from certain staff, but really, it doesn't quite work out that way. At least, they can't be blamed. Everyone is entitled to their vacation, and I went into this internship knowing that everyone was going to take one. Really, what it boils down to is me not 'just figuring it out' as best as I think I should have. Whatever.
All the same, I guess it waits to be seen how WVC and WVS reacts to my report. There will be plenty to write about, in terms of the basic information learned, ideas explored, and the process undertaken. For all of these things, I'm thankful, and at the end of the day, I could care less whether it's 'good enough'.
Rather, what I would like to see out of myself is a narrowing focus towards that area of development that intrigues me, excites me, engages me, suits me the most. God is present everywhere. God's love can be shared everywhere, in different ways, and with whomever. What I'm only beginning to toy with in my mind is the idea that whether I'm here or home, 'evangelism' equals relationship and that, like all good relationships, they take time. Meaning, it won't be possible, I don't think, to simply 'throw gospel' in the short term and then walk away. Very truly, it will be an investment on my part. It will be relationship that takes time. The only reason why it hasn't had to be that (on some level) is because in every environment previous that I had found myself, it was always understood to be a short-term thing. Eventually, however, that won't be the case.
So, unless I want faith living to somehow be a job more than a side role I constantly play in my everyday living, then, ya, I'll need a job. And voilà! There's one staring me in the face.
. . .
Well, sort of. I'm still trying to figure out where exactly I fit in this mess called development. I think I'm beginning to like it, even if I don't necessarily all that is a part of my internship. The concept is exciting, and if I can figure out at least in part the work, then I think I'll be pretty energized by the whole thing.
On another note, I'm losing a lot of friends to friends. I know that there is now only a handful of us who are single amongst the larger group. I just learned of yet another hook up just this evening.
Hats off to you all. Sounds exciting. I think I'm realizing that my time will come once I figure out where I want to be, what I want to be doing. And God knows that unless that is there, some of that 'other stuff' doesn't necessarily make a lot of sense for me just now.
But man, YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!!! ha ha ha
. . .
Don't forget to go out for coffee with me every now and again (if ever I'm in country)
. . .
So, I've been thinking lots about where in development I might want to be.
I've been thinking a bit about what circumstances need to be in place, what specific subjects I like, what I would need in order to survive, to make it work.
Some things I'm willing to admit:
1 Villages? Ya, no. At least, not for very long term. At least not totally by myself. Without knowing the local language. Without really getting my subject matter. Without letting myself just go with it versus judging myself to death.
2 I think I prefer being in an urban area all the same. Or within close proximity. It’ll be better for my health, given its risks. It’ll be better for access to services. Perhaps I’m just preferring to stay comfortable. That’s part of it. But part of it has to do with the things I believe I’ll find in the city that I’ll be able to relate to.
3 Food – it needs to be generally stable for me otherwise I go crazy
4 Resource management still interests me, because I think the protection of the environment is a pretty crucial aspect of global existence. However, to what extent that would require me to live in a village somewhat has me. If I can find a way to reconcile the city with NRM, then we might be good to go.
5 In light of that, I’m trying to take a look at Urban or Peri-Urban agriculture. On the fringes of a city, perhaps, yet still addressing food security issues. Who knows. That might be cool. Or perhaps there’s another subject entirely different. The idea of working overseas interests me; the idea of getting all caught up in a big gigantic organization doesn’t entirely, especially if it has to do with trying to use tools that for the moment I feel prevent me from really connecting with people. I dunno. I don’t believe in PRA quite yet, despite still knowing it’s what I need to do. I’m sure once I get it better, then I’ll be more open to the approaches.
Newho, the next time I write, I’ll try to give a sense of some things I’ve seen or cool culturally things. We’ll see.
Good to chat with some of you tonight, despite the constant loss of WIFI connection. Alas, such is the way it goes sometimes here.
I'm currently in between Joal Fadouith and Mbour. Just north of JF. At a hotel called Laguna Beach. Was here once before just before Christmas vac last year (when I was first here, b4 I got sick).
It's a cool place to be at, but the reason for my being here this time is slightly different. This time it's work and not vac.
An African Livelihoods Securities workshop. It's actually quite interesting. Has a lot to do with both my 'work' in the villages as well as the core mentality of my university undergrad. And actually, it's quite amazing that it's not a concept that has already been adopted. And, in fact, it's pretty interesting to hear some of the ideas and comments people have. I think to myself, what? really? you think that way? Or you think it's about that? hmmm.
(essentially, for once, in some ways, with some people, I feel like I have something to contribute)
All the same, World Vision is merely trying to bring itself to a point where it should already fully be but only exists in part. It's a gigantic organization, however, and so its movements are little sluggish . . . We're good at structure, but the structure sometimes inhibits agile movement . . .
. . .
I've been sick for over a week now. Not terribly so, but enough to screw around with my mood enough not to be terribly motivated last week in the village. Things went over relatively well, though, all things considered. In fact, I also ended up staying in the village till Saturday morning for a change (instead of leaving Friday morning or afternoon). This past Friday, too, was the start of Ramadan, so I took part in la jeûne (the daily fast). We woke up at 5:30 to eat some breakfast (the khad) and then I didn't eat or drink until 7 pm Friday. Meanwhile, I had been sick since Tuesday. But, I watched myself, and if it had been a problem (especially the not drinking part) I would have resumed eating and drinking. As it was, I survived, although I thoroughly enjoyed my Café Touba and bread at 7 pm.
. . .
There are a lot of things I've learned and accepted over the past number of weeks, as well as tried to move on from. I've realized and accepted a lot of the weakness and flaws of the approach that I designed. Running between villages every week and not giving myself time to talk and discuss and reflect on a village experience are probably the two major weaknesses. At times, I could say there's been a lack of support from certain staff, but really, it doesn't quite work out that way. At least, they can't be blamed. Everyone is entitled to their vacation, and I went into this internship knowing that everyone was going to take one. Really, what it boils down to is me not 'just figuring it out' as best as I think I should have. Whatever.
All the same, I guess it waits to be seen how WVC and WVS reacts to my report. There will be plenty to write about, in terms of the basic information learned, ideas explored, and the process undertaken. For all of these things, I'm thankful, and at the end of the day, I could care less whether it's 'good enough'.
Rather, what I would like to see out of myself is a narrowing focus towards that area of development that intrigues me, excites me, engages me, suits me the most. God is present everywhere. God's love can be shared everywhere, in different ways, and with whomever. What I'm only beginning to toy with in my mind is the idea that whether I'm here or home, 'evangelism' equals relationship and that, like all good relationships, they take time. Meaning, it won't be possible, I don't think, to simply 'throw gospel' in the short term and then walk away. Very truly, it will be an investment on my part. It will be relationship that takes time. The only reason why it hasn't had to be that (on some level) is because in every environment previous that I had found myself, it was always understood to be a short-term thing. Eventually, however, that won't be the case.
So, unless I want faith living to somehow be a job more than a side role I constantly play in my everyday living, then, ya, I'll need a job. And voilà! There's one staring me in the face.
. . .
Well, sort of. I'm still trying to figure out where exactly I fit in this mess called development. I think I'm beginning to like it, even if I don't necessarily all that is a part of my internship. The concept is exciting, and if I can figure out at least in part the work, then I think I'll be pretty energized by the whole thing.
On another note, I'm losing a lot of friends to friends. I know that there is now only a handful of us who are single amongst the larger group. I just learned of yet another hook up just this evening.
Hats off to you all. Sounds exciting. I think I'm realizing that my time will come once I figure out where I want to be, what I want to be doing. And God knows that unless that is there, some of that 'other stuff' doesn't necessarily make a lot of sense for me just now.
But man, YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!!! ha ha ha
. . .
Don't forget to go out for coffee with me every now and again (if ever I'm in country)
. . .
So, I've been thinking lots about where in development I might want to be.
I've been thinking a bit about what circumstances need to be in place, what specific subjects I like, what I would need in order to survive, to make it work.
Some things I'm willing to admit:
1 Villages? Ya, no. At least, not for very long term. At least not totally by myself. Without knowing the local language. Without really getting my subject matter. Without letting myself just go with it versus judging myself to death.
2 I think I prefer being in an urban area all the same. Or within close proximity. It’ll be better for my health, given its risks. It’ll be better for access to services. Perhaps I’m just preferring to stay comfortable. That’s part of it. But part of it has to do with the things I believe I’ll find in the city that I’ll be able to relate to.
3 Food – it needs to be generally stable for me otherwise I go crazy
4 Resource management still interests me, because I think the protection of the environment is a pretty crucial aspect of global existence. However, to what extent that would require me to live in a village somewhat has me. If I can find a way to reconcile the city with NRM, then we might be good to go.
5 In light of that, I’m trying to take a look at Urban or Peri-Urban agriculture. On the fringes of a city, perhaps, yet still addressing food security issues. Who knows. That might be cool. Or perhaps there’s another subject entirely different. The idea of working overseas interests me; the idea of getting all caught up in a big gigantic organization doesn’t entirely, especially if it has to do with trying to use tools that for the moment I feel prevent me from really connecting with people. I dunno. I don’t believe in PRA quite yet, despite still knowing it’s what I need to do. I’m sure once I get it better, then I’ll be more open to the approaches.
Newho, the next time I write, I’ll try to give a sense of some things I’ve seen or cool culturally things. We’ll see.
Good to chat with some of you tonight, despite the constant loss of WIFI connection. Alas, such is the way it goes sometimes here.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
I'm leaking!
Yesterday evening, I posted a wonderful post. It was really great.
And then the power went out, the page froze, I kept on writing, and when I went to post it . . .
I have about 1/7th of what I wrote, and I'll build on it later.
Right now, I'm in the middle of an African Livelihoods Securities workshop.
Just, I wanted to let those who shouldn't be interested that I'm ill of either diarrhea or, as I'm beginning to wonder, Dysentery (a more severe form).
I just seem to be leaking fluids like crazy, and it's been virtually impossible to stop. So, it's an interesting experience.
All the same, I'm in a very comfortable environment at this hotel, and I'm also feeling far less tired today than I did tomorrow (although I wonder why, given my garuanteed loss of water and nutrients as a result of my illness . . .)
Whatever. We'll see. Overall, I'm fine. But, thought I should post on the fact that I can finally say I'm problematically ill (but only for the first time since being here . . . )
And then the power went out, the page froze, I kept on writing, and when I went to post it . . .
I have about 1/7th of what I wrote, and I'll build on it later.
Right now, I'm in the middle of an African Livelihoods Securities workshop.
Just, I wanted to let those who shouldn't be interested that I'm ill of either diarrhea or, as I'm beginning to wonder, Dysentery (a more severe form).
I just seem to be leaking fluids like crazy, and it's been virtually impossible to stop. So, it's an interesting experience.
All the same, I'm in a very comfortable environment at this hotel, and I'm also feeling far less tired today than I did tomorrow (although I wonder why, given my garuanteed loss of water and nutrients as a result of my illness . . .)
Whatever. We'll see. Overall, I'm fine. But, thought I should post on the fact that I can finally say I'm problematically ill (but only for the first time since being here . . . )
Friday, September 7, 2007
The American mission
10,000 CFA/night and I have me an apartment all to myself. Hmmm.
Rigged with a giant freezer, a huge fridge, 4 burner stove, microwave . . . microwave?!?, fully loaded rest of the kitchen, couch, TV, movies, games, books . . . wireless . . . man oh man. AC in the master bedroom. (there are 3 rooms here, with a total of I think 8 beds . . .). I am one man. hmm. I'll keep this in mind if ever my friends decide to visit me in Dakar . . . (you're all welcome. There's the 20 - 27 of October, for instance, when my sister plans on coming. Any one of you is welcome . . .
I've come home to Canada. Except, I'm smack in the middle of Dakar.
Oh, and how could I forget!?!: coffee maker, coffee, and the filters . . . ha ha ha. Jeez. I'm going to wake up pretty happy tomorrow morning.
For 20 USD a night.
Man.
I guess I'm not complaining.
. . .
Wireless. I can't get over that. I'm sitting in the kitchen, listening to Collective Soul playing on my computer.
. . .
Work has taken on so many unique dimensions. For better or for worse. In the sense of showing what I prefer or what I can handle.
I have 11 weeks left in Senegal. Already now, I'm telling you, this second half will go by much, much faster than the first 12 weeks, and especially much faster than the first 6. Mind you, the past 7 weeks, all in all, have flown by. I'm not sure how I'm going to get doing what I want to get done in only 11 weeks. There's a lot of ground to cover, but it's actually exciting because I can finally say that for the most part I at least know what I want to be doing. Whether I do it well or not is another matter, but it's less about that now and more about simply working at something, to become better at something. To learn.
By weeks, it looks like the follow:
Silane (village)
Dakar (week long conference)
Fatick (1 week of planning to make sure the next 8 happen well)
Two villages of other organizations - 2 weeks. Studying 'les Conventions Locales'
Fatick (1 week to plan the workshops)
Joal Fadiouth and the happy arrival of my sister . . . yaaaaa! Party time!
Village level workshops - 4 weeks
That's 11.
That's it.
I have 11 weeks left, and only 7 weeks left in the villages . . . hmmm.
. . .
Crystal posted that I forgot about the happy 2 hour discussion I had with her and John during my vacation. This would be true. It was a great conversation. I am glad for it.
. . .
What would be my goals for the next 11 weeks?
To not hold myself back much longer. I don't want too much more to regret.
I'm glad to be learning though, to be moving beyond my concerns.
It helps being more often in the city and more clear about what I'm doing with my work.
. . .
So, I'm not sure what to write, actually, at the moment.
. . . Stories from my vacation . . .
Anna and I 'dropped' our bikes once. We were going along just fine in the dark with 2 metres of illumination in front of us. So what that we couldn't see a darn thing. And then, whoops, down I went. The road was one level; the gravel pathway another. As much as I could totally see what was in front of me . . . (you had to be there).
So, down I went, and I'm thinking, 'Get up!!! You're gonna get run over. Plus you're spilling gas everywhere. My precious gasoline. I paid $1.20 for that! So, scrambling up I went. And over to the side in order to avoid getting smacked by Anna or by a car behind us. But Anna had gone over right after me too. So, whatever. And there weren't any cars, just my adreline pumping and myself laughing because the whole thing just brought back memories of 5 years ago in Florida . . . ah, once a dropper, always one, I guess!
. . .
Well, my friend William is arriving in a short few. It's funny. He and I are gonna have a fun time tonight (even though it's already 11:30!)
. . .
I'm out (listening to "Counting the Days" by Collective Soul)
. . .
Oh, and by the way:
Jolene: I've got your souvenir.
Crystal: your too
John: working on it although you and I have already talked a bit about things . . . smoke a little, you know . . . ha ha ha
Jozina: you'll get yours when you arrive.
Micah, Jordan, and the rest of the fam, I have ideas in mind.
The rest of you, I'm still trying to sort out. There's lots to go around. I'm just going to have to figure out how to bring it all home.
Rigged with a giant freezer, a huge fridge, 4 burner stove, microwave . . . microwave?!?, fully loaded rest of the kitchen, couch, TV, movies, games, books . . . wireless . . . man oh man. AC in the master bedroom. (there are 3 rooms here, with a total of I think 8 beds . . .). I am one man. hmm. I'll keep this in mind if ever my friends decide to visit me in Dakar . . . (you're all welcome. There's the 20 - 27 of October, for instance, when my sister plans on coming. Any one of you is welcome . . .
I've come home to Canada. Except, I'm smack in the middle of Dakar.
Oh, and how could I forget!?!: coffee maker, coffee, and the filters . . . ha ha ha. Jeez. I'm going to wake up pretty happy tomorrow morning.
For 20 USD a night.
Man.
I guess I'm not complaining.
. . .
Wireless. I can't get over that. I'm sitting in the kitchen, listening to Collective Soul playing on my computer.
. . .
Work has taken on so many unique dimensions. For better or for worse. In the sense of showing what I prefer or what I can handle.
I have 11 weeks left in Senegal. Already now, I'm telling you, this second half will go by much, much faster than the first 12 weeks, and especially much faster than the first 6. Mind you, the past 7 weeks, all in all, have flown by. I'm not sure how I'm going to get doing what I want to get done in only 11 weeks. There's a lot of ground to cover, but it's actually exciting because I can finally say that for the most part I at least know what I want to be doing. Whether I do it well or not is another matter, but it's less about that now and more about simply working at something, to become better at something. To learn.
By weeks, it looks like the follow:
Silane (village)
Dakar (week long conference)
Fatick (1 week of planning to make sure the next 8 happen well)
Two villages of other organizations - 2 weeks. Studying 'les Conventions Locales'
Fatick (1 week to plan the workshops)
Joal Fadiouth and the happy arrival of my sister . . . yaaaaa! Party time!
Village level workshops - 4 weeks
That's 11.
That's it.
I have 11 weeks left, and only 7 weeks left in the villages . . . hmmm.
. . .
Crystal posted that I forgot about the happy 2 hour discussion I had with her and John during my vacation. This would be true. It was a great conversation. I am glad for it.
. . .
What would be my goals for the next 11 weeks?
To not hold myself back much longer. I don't want too much more to regret.
I'm glad to be learning though, to be moving beyond my concerns.
It helps being more often in the city and more clear about what I'm doing with my work.
. . .
So, I'm not sure what to write, actually, at the moment.
. . . Stories from my vacation . . .
Anna and I 'dropped' our bikes once. We were going along just fine in the dark with 2 metres of illumination in front of us. So what that we couldn't see a darn thing. And then, whoops, down I went. The road was one level; the gravel pathway another. As much as I could totally see what was in front of me . . . (you had to be there).
So, down I went, and I'm thinking, 'Get up!!! You're gonna get run over. Plus you're spilling gas everywhere. My precious gasoline. I paid $1.20 for that! So, scrambling up I went. And over to the side in order to avoid getting smacked by Anna or by a car behind us. But Anna had gone over right after me too. So, whatever. And there weren't any cars, just my adreline pumping and myself laughing because the whole thing just brought back memories of 5 years ago in Florida . . . ah, once a dropper, always one, I guess!
. . .
Well, my friend William is arriving in a short few. It's funny. He and I are gonna have a fun time tonight (even though it's already 11:30!)
. . .
I'm out (listening to "Counting the Days" by Collective Soul)
. . .
Oh, and by the way:
Jolene: I've got your souvenir.
Crystal: your too
John: working on it although you and I have already talked a bit about things . . . smoke a little, you know . . . ha ha ha
Jozina: you'll get yours when you arrive.
Micah, Jordan, and the rest of the fam, I have ideas in mind.
The rest of you, I'm still trying to sort out. There's lots to go around. I'm just going to have to figure out how to bring it all home.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Luke 18: 18 - 30
I've always had lots of thoughts on this passage. I won't be sharing many of them with you here, mind you. Just whatever happens to come off my fingers.
Still, the verse about being willing to give up mother, father, sisters, brothers, friends, it's a pretty key idea in my mind. Despite all of my past posts, don't get me wrong. I still don't believe I've ever lost my friends or my family. Just, I haven't found too much here to replace them during the time I've been away. Or at least, maybe it's that I haven't found something deep enough to fulfill my social preferences. And again too, a lot of that has been my own doing.
Regardless, that's not the point. The point is, I will eventually come to understand that I don't think I can live for my friends or my family. None of them will be around forever. Sure, here and there, and perhaps if I stay local, more often 'here' than 'there'. But perhaps we're talking a matter of degrees? A matter of a 50 times per year versus 2. I guess with some friends it's more like 365 times versus 2, but really.
I didn't go to Montreal to study at McGill 5 years ago for some of the same fears that make me want to not get into this line of work. But, I think I need to start believing that no matter what happens, they'll always be around. Somewhere. Sometimes.
I would say then that a bunch of this has more to do with being willing to move on than anything else. The other part of it still remains, however, a matter of call and interest.
. . .
I thought a bunch more about the notion of 'calling'. I wonder who invented it. Where exactly does it come from? And why do we feel we're entitled to it? Here's what I mean: Do we think we're called to something or merely within wherever we are? Absolutely, people are called to something. I agree. But just who exactly? It seems sort of a luxury to have the option to be 'called' to something instead of just finding yourself stuck somewhere and having to make do with how things are.
That perspective comes from being here. From noticing, realizing, admitting that soooo many people in the world, it seems, don't really have an option to be 'called' somewhere. Again, it strikes me that it's more likely they be called 'within' versus called 'to'.
I am, however, grateful for those who use their freedom to choose to listen to how they might be being called. Whether it's a notion applied only to a very small number of people, and perhaps people who have a choice more than others, I'm glad there are those that think about it. (and I don't mean to make this sound like I'm being a good boy - certainly, I've wondered about why it is that I even am entitled to the choice of 'being called'. Why is it that I wasn't born anywhere else where life = Day 1: get up, pound the millet, collect the firewood, cook breakfast. Eat it. Wash clothes. Sift the rice, descale the fish, chop the vegetables, cook lunch. Eat it. Rest (perhaps). Pound the millet. Cook the sauce. Prepare dinner. Eat it. Clean up. etc. Sleep. Day 2 - 7: Repeat Day 1.
I'm glad this isn't my life, and I'm very glad that those to whom this life belongs are still able to find joy in it wherever. But ya, it's just stuff to think about.
So that's calling.
. . .
Interest exists in freedom as well. Because you actually had the choice to study X, you had the choice and time to find said internship. You have the time to still choose according to your interests, your passions.
I am grateful for that freedom, but again wonder why it is I have it and to what degree I'm using it wisely.
. . .
At the end of the day, because of rest during this vacation, because of a renewed sense of direction and a lesser focus on 'success', and because of continued processings, I'm beginning to want something: to put my head down, to shut up, and to get to work. I'm still not sure how long the drive will last if there is never the true development of depth of friendship. But in this too, I need to look more to God, less to myself, more to other potential friendships, and less to those friends back home. Absolutely, I will keep on calling home because I love to.
But you're not here, nor will you be, so I need to move on . . .
. . .
To those who have read this far:
I realize I write too much about how I feel and not enough about what I've been doing. I'll try to make the blog a little more interesting in the future weeks!
What I've been up to for the past week:
Overall, Saint Louis has been fabulous. Not without its cost, but I intended on it to be that way in order to step away from the stress, the frustration, the 'aaaahhh' of what work has been for a long time. It has moved away from that in the past number of weeks, which has been great. But I was certainly glad to have the option of leaving everything behind for the past 5 days.
I arrived in Saint Louis with Anna towards 10 pm. I spent 7 hours traveling between Fatick - Dakar, Dakar - Saint Louis. Most of it was pretty comfortable, though. I bought out 3 seats on the way to Dakar so I had plenty of space and comfort, and I was chilling with Anna on the 4 hour, stiff-body ride up to Saint Louis. So it was good.
The hotel: Need to send pictures. Spent a good chunk of change, but for the comfortable beds, air-conditioning, nice pool, and isolated location, it was well worth it.
The city: once I realized it, Saint Louis was beautiful. At first not, but I eventually found parts of it (again, still largely tourist areas) that I really enjoyed. Mostly because it reminded me a lot of Paris. Namely, I was just content to drink expressos and go to the boulangerie. Fresh baked goodies and coffee! Can't be beat.
. . .
Saturday: Anna and I rented scooters. A real hoot. 22 hours. 12 USD. Not bad. We ended up going to Zebrabar (either ZEEbrabar or Zeb brabar, depending on nationality. I never knew the English call it a zebra with a soft 'e'. So ya, we drove out to there, chilled out on a look out tower for a bit, then rode back. And this was after we toured the city for a while on the bikes.
Sunday: chilled out. Anna left by 4ish. I eventually went into town for just a bit.
Monday: This was a hotel day. I spent about 6 - 7 hours merely reading Le Monde (french newspaper - finally! Daily news from outside Fatick!) and my "Poisonwood Bible". 543 pages is now come and gone, although I didn't read all that just this week. Just about 200 pages of it. It's a great book. I recommend it. Monday night went into town. Took in the sites a bit. Found a cool restaurant. Ate some good food. Wandering around the island was a bunch of fun. Listened to my MP3 player. Did whatever. Made plans for Tuesday.
Tuesday: Was pretty fun. Lots went on. In the morning, took my time, chilled out at breakfast at the boulangerie. Then I rented a motocyclette again. This time, on going back to Zebrabar, I diverted and went to the Parc Nationale de la Langue de Barbarie. Although totally not the season for it, I went to see the birds (something that Saint Louis is popular for, along with an international Jazz festival - happens in May though, unfortunately. That would have been awesome). Took a pirogue (a Senegalese boat) and went to go see the birds. Paid for a guide who was the President of the Communauté Locale responsible for the management of the national park. Along with a union of villages, these people clean up the park, take care of it, try to improve its image to tourists and also continue to live off of it (because it's where they live!). It was fantastic to see, and I applaud their efforts. The beach was noticeably more clean than that of beside the hotel where I'm staying.
(coastal beaches can often become the public toilet. Sad, perhaps, but true and necessary at times)
Guide, ride on pirogue, rented scooter (24 hrs), and entrance to park: 25 USD.
All in all, it was a fantastic day. Then the scooter got a flat, and I was way outside the city. 1 1/2 hrs later of walking, I took the other scooter the guy rents and used that instead until 11 am this morning.
. . .
Wed: this morning. Met up with Théo, a guy from France near the Switzerland border. Hung out with him for a bit (I had met up with him by chance yesterday). Talked about what we were respectively doing in Senegal. He on vacation had spent 1 month in the villages and 1 month outside them. I, well, I've been running around all over the place for the past 3 months, still have 3 months left, and am looking forward to seeing how it all pans out.
(plus, did I mention my sister's coming in 7 weeks? And my birthday's in 5?)
There is a crazy religious festival going on right now, and I would have left earlier today, but I didn't think anyone would really be leaving until after the prayers that have just happened (5 oclockish). The major bridge to the mainland has also been closed from 12 - 5 today as well. I'm just hoping that there will be some people going to Dakar in just a short little while.
But this morning I haggled for about 15 minutes over 10 cents and about 20 minutes for about $8 USD. Just, things have their relative price, and I no longer enjoy being taken. They were both fun things to do, and now I have one crazy pair of pants to show everyone. You want to talk about colour? The BiFall, a religious brotherhood of Islam here in Senegal, they wear crazy stuff. I'll have to show you guys some pictures (or point it out in the pics I took since none of them are too direct).
NEwho, so that's been my vacation. It's been great, and tonight, tomorrow, and part of Friday, I hope to be in Dakar. I'm back to work on Friday, debating attendance on Saturday to an intensely religious Islamic revéillée (or however that's spelled) that I was invited to, and then Sunday, I hope will be a last day of rest before running headlong into the next few weeks.
But there's both focus and variation in the upcoming month or so. We'll see how it all turns out. There's a lot of work to be done . . .
Hope you're all enjoying the fresh September air. Wish I were. I'm looking forward to the December shock that will be mine in about 3 months!
Still, the verse about being willing to give up mother, father, sisters, brothers, friends, it's a pretty key idea in my mind. Despite all of my past posts, don't get me wrong. I still don't believe I've ever lost my friends or my family. Just, I haven't found too much here to replace them during the time I've been away. Or at least, maybe it's that I haven't found something deep enough to fulfill my social preferences. And again too, a lot of that has been my own doing.
Regardless, that's not the point. The point is, I will eventually come to understand that I don't think I can live for my friends or my family. None of them will be around forever. Sure, here and there, and perhaps if I stay local, more often 'here' than 'there'. But perhaps we're talking a matter of degrees? A matter of a 50 times per year versus 2. I guess with some friends it's more like 365 times versus 2, but really.
I didn't go to Montreal to study at McGill 5 years ago for some of the same fears that make me want to not get into this line of work. But, I think I need to start believing that no matter what happens, they'll always be around. Somewhere. Sometimes.
I would say then that a bunch of this has more to do with being willing to move on than anything else. The other part of it still remains, however, a matter of call and interest.
. . .
I thought a bunch more about the notion of 'calling'. I wonder who invented it. Where exactly does it come from? And why do we feel we're entitled to it? Here's what I mean: Do we think we're called to something or merely within wherever we are? Absolutely, people are called to something. I agree. But just who exactly? It seems sort of a luxury to have the option to be 'called' to something instead of just finding yourself stuck somewhere and having to make do with how things are.
That perspective comes from being here. From noticing, realizing, admitting that soooo many people in the world, it seems, don't really have an option to be 'called' somewhere. Again, it strikes me that it's more likely they be called 'within' versus called 'to'.
I am, however, grateful for those who use their freedom to choose to listen to how they might be being called. Whether it's a notion applied only to a very small number of people, and perhaps people who have a choice more than others, I'm glad there are those that think about it. (and I don't mean to make this sound like I'm being a good boy - certainly, I've wondered about why it is that I even am entitled to the choice of 'being called'. Why is it that I wasn't born anywhere else where life = Day 1: get up, pound the millet, collect the firewood, cook breakfast. Eat it. Wash clothes. Sift the rice, descale the fish, chop the vegetables, cook lunch. Eat it. Rest (perhaps). Pound the millet. Cook the sauce. Prepare dinner. Eat it. Clean up. etc. Sleep. Day 2 - 7: Repeat Day 1.
I'm glad this isn't my life, and I'm very glad that those to whom this life belongs are still able to find joy in it wherever. But ya, it's just stuff to think about.
So that's calling.
. . .
Interest exists in freedom as well. Because you actually had the choice to study X, you had the choice and time to find said internship. You have the time to still choose according to your interests, your passions.
I am grateful for that freedom, but again wonder why it is I have it and to what degree I'm using it wisely.
. . .
At the end of the day, because of rest during this vacation, because of a renewed sense of direction and a lesser focus on 'success', and because of continued processings, I'm beginning to want something: to put my head down, to shut up, and to get to work. I'm still not sure how long the drive will last if there is never the true development of depth of friendship. But in this too, I need to look more to God, less to myself, more to other potential friendships, and less to those friends back home. Absolutely, I will keep on calling home because I love to.
But you're not here, nor will you be, so I need to move on . . .
. . .
To those who have read this far:
I realize I write too much about how I feel and not enough about what I've been doing. I'll try to make the blog a little more interesting in the future weeks!
What I've been up to for the past week:
Overall, Saint Louis has been fabulous. Not without its cost, but I intended on it to be that way in order to step away from the stress, the frustration, the 'aaaahhh' of what work has been for a long time. It has moved away from that in the past number of weeks, which has been great. But I was certainly glad to have the option of leaving everything behind for the past 5 days.
I arrived in Saint Louis with Anna towards 10 pm. I spent 7 hours traveling between Fatick - Dakar, Dakar - Saint Louis. Most of it was pretty comfortable, though. I bought out 3 seats on the way to Dakar so I had plenty of space and comfort, and I was chilling with Anna on the 4 hour, stiff-body ride up to Saint Louis. So it was good.
The hotel: Need to send pictures. Spent a good chunk of change, but for the comfortable beds, air-conditioning, nice pool, and isolated location, it was well worth it.
The city: once I realized it, Saint Louis was beautiful. At first not, but I eventually found parts of it (again, still largely tourist areas) that I really enjoyed. Mostly because it reminded me a lot of Paris. Namely, I was just content to drink expressos and go to the boulangerie. Fresh baked goodies and coffee! Can't be beat.
. . .
Saturday: Anna and I rented scooters. A real hoot. 22 hours. 12 USD. Not bad. We ended up going to Zebrabar (either ZEEbrabar or Zeb brabar, depending on nationality. I never knew the English call it a zebra with a soft 'e'. So ya, we drove out to there, chilled out on a look out tower for a bit, then rode back. And this was after we toured the city for a while on the bikes.
Sunday: chilled out. Anna left by 4ish. I eventually went into town for just a bit.
Monday: This was a hotel day. I spent about 6 - 7 hours merely reading Le Monde (french newspaper - finally! Daily news from outside Fatick!) and my "Poisonwood Bible". 543 pages is now come and gone, although I didn't read all that just this week. Just about 200 pages of it. It's a great book. I recommend it. Monday night went into town. Took in the sites a bit. Found a cool restaurant. Ate some good food. Wandering around the island was a bunch of fun. Listened to my MP3 player. Did whatever. Made plans for Tuesday.
Tuesday: Was pretty fun. Lots went on. In the morning, took my time, chilled out at breakfast at the boulangerie. Then I rented a motocyclette again. This time, on going back to Zebrabar, I diverted and went to the Parc Nationale de la Langue de Barbarie. Although totally not the season for it, I went to see the birds (something that Saint Louis is popular for, along with an international Jazz festival - happens in May though, unfortunately. That would have been awesome). Took a pirogue (a Senegalese boat) and went to go see the birds. Paid for a guide who was the President of the Communauté Locale responsible for the management of the national park. Along with a union of villages, these people clean up the park, take care of it, try to improve its image to tourists and also continue to live off of it (because it's where they live!). It was fantastic to see, and I applaud their efforts. The beach was noticeably more clean than that of beside the hotel where I'm staying.
(coastal beaches can often become the public toilet. Sad, perhaps, but true and necessary at times)
Guide, ride on pirogue, rented scooter (24 hrs), and entrance to park: 25 USD.
All in all, it was a fantastic day. Then the scooter got a flat, and I was way outside the city. 1 1/2 hrs later of walking, I took the other scooter the guy rents and used that instead until 11 am this morning.
. . .
Wed: this morning. Met up with Théo, a guy from France near the Switzerland border. Hung out with him for a bit (I had met up with him by chance yesterday). Talked about what we were respectively doing in Senegal. He on vacation had spent 1 month in the villages and 1 month outside them. I, well, I've been running around all over the place for the past 3 months, still have 3 months left, and am looking forward to seeing how it all pans out.
(plus, did I mention my sister's coming in 7 weeks? And my birthday's in 5?)
There is a crazy religious festival going on right now, and I would have left earlier today, but I didn't think anyone would really be leaving until after the prayers that have just happened (5 oclockish). The major bridge to the mainland has also been closed from 12 - 5 today as well. I'm just hoping that there will be some people going to Dakar in just a short little while.
But this morning I haggled for about 15 minutes over 10 cents and about 20 minutes for about $8 USD. Just, things have their relative price, and I no longer enjoy being taken. They were both fun things to do, and now I have one crazy pair of pants to show everyone. You want to talk about colour? The BiFall, a religious brotherhood of Islam here in Senegal, they wear crazy stuff. I'll have to show you guys some pictures (or point it out in the pics I took since none of them are too direct).
NEwho, so that's been my vacation. It's been great, and tonight, tomorrow, and part of Friday, I hope to be in Dakar. I'm back to work on Friday, debating attendance on Saturday to an intensely religious Islamic revéillée (or however that's spelled) that I was invited to, and then Sunday, I hope will be a last day of rest before running headlong into the next few weeks.
But there's both focus and variation in the upcoming month or so. We'll see how it all turns out. There's a lot of work to be done . . .
Hope you're all enjoying the fresh September air. Wish I were. I'm looking forward to the December shock that will be mine in about 3 months!
Monday, September 3, 2007
. . . when you're too in love to let it go, but if you never try you never know just what you're worth
When you break it down, besides all of the cultural stuff that I've had to work through, essentially, I'm realizing I'm (too?) in love with my culture, with my home. (that's odd, I never would have thought it to run so deeply, despite my love for a lot of things of my country)
I like to strike it out on my own, but I don't love it.
I love doing things on my own, but only for a time.
I love learning about a new culture, but only when I can keep at least something of my own.
See, I believe that I've had a lot to work through simply because I've never seen this time away as merely 6 months. Sure, that's what it is. Absolutely.
But it's not too. Because if I'm all about what I'm doing, it's what I will be doing. For a lot longer period of time.
My deepest blessing has become my greatest need and my hardest curse to break.
My community.
Composed of family and friends.
Knitted together by the familiar, by culture, by comfortable religious context.
The things is, my friends are slowly spreading themselves over the face of the earth. I am part of this process as well.
And community can be reformed and refound elsewhere.
God is everywhere (although here, that is hard to feel sometimes given the spiritual forces at work in this country).
Except, I have to be willing to do those things. To let go of my friends (in part, but never fully), to re-create community with people I don't know, to pray the presence of God into my experience here in Senegal.
Thus my time here, my work wherever, is all about calling.
This is why I was called here in the first place. To find my calling.
What people am I called to serve? My own? Or elsewhere?
. . .
I certainly haven't been terribly excited about dealing with a lot of the people in this culture. When I'm outside the villages (and even within them), it's pretty extractive. Demanding. It has everything to do with negotiation. Negotiation in order to survive.
What's hard for me is that I've never had to negotiate in order to survive. Life has simply been provided for. So when others do this with me, I get frustrated. It's interesting to think about, but pretty frustrating to deal with all the time.
I take it too personally, and yet then it's up to you not to say no too rudely. So, I dunno. I'm getting to a point sometimes where I just don't care. Words need to bounce off of me and execute themselves on the pavement. On the dirt roads. Otherwise, I might take it personally.
. . .
There are facinating Serere and Wolof cultures, amongst many others. Senegal is such a richly diverse country of many cultures.
In the villages, when and where relationships have slowly, subtly formed, I have begun to believe that perhaps all this is possible. That I might slowly find my place in it all.
But, ultimately, that question still remains. Is it the culture I am meant to speak to? Does my 'call' change my own perception, my own behaviour, my own attitude? Should it? Why does the 'call' make any difference anyways?
I am only hoping that God leads me to that place where my strengths are strong, my weaknesses weak, my efforts full, my energy hard to contain.
We're still working on it. I'm okay with that. I'm not making any fully formed decisions until later.
We're halfway through the process. It's been difficult; but it's been really good too. It keeps on going.
And so will my thoughts and my comments.
. . .
. . .
. . .
'Tears stream down your face when you lose something you can not replace . . . Tears stream down your face. I promise you I will learn from my mistakes. Tears stream down your face now.
. . .
Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.'
. . .
I like to strike it out on my own, but I don't love it.
I love doing things on my own, but only for a time.
I love learning about a new culture, but only when I can keep at least something of my own.
See, I believe that I've had a lot to work through simply because I've never seen this time away as merely 6 months. Sure, that's what it is. Absolutely.
But it's not too. Because if I'm all about what I'm doing, it's what I will be doing. For a lot longer period of time.
My deepest blessing has become my greatest need and my hardest curse to break.
My community.
Composed of family and friends.
Knitted together by the familiar, by culture, by comfortable religious context.
The things is, my friends are slowly spreading themselves over the face of the earth. I am part of this process as well.
And community can be reformed and refound elsewhere.
God is everywhere (although here, that is hard to feel sometimes given the spiritual forces at work in this country).
Except, I have to be willing to do those things. To let go of my friends (in part, but never fully), to re-create community with people I don't know, to pray the presence of God into my experience here in Senegal.
Thus my time here, my work wherever, is all about calling.
This is why I was called here in the first place. To find my calling.
What people am I called to serve? My own? Or elsewhere?
. . .
I certainly haven't been terribly excited about dealing with a lot of the people in this culture. When I'm outside the villages (and even within them), it's pretty extractive. Demanding. It has everything to do with negotiation. Negotiation in order to survive.
What's hard for me is that I've never had to negotiate in order to survive. Life has simply been provided for. So when others do this with me, I get frustrated. It's interesting to think about, but pretty frustrating to deal with all the time.
I take it too personally, and yet then it's up to you not to say no too rudely. So, I dunno. I'm getting to a point sometimes where I just don't care. Words need to bounce off of me and execute themselves on the pavement. On the dirt roads. Otherwise, I might take it personally.
. . .
There are facinating Serere and Wolof cultures, amongst many others. Senegal is such a richly diverse country of many cultures.
In the villages, when and where relationships have slowly, subtly formed, I have begun to believe that perhaps all this is possible. That I might slowly find my place in it all.
But, ultimately, that question still remains. Is it the culture I am meant to speak to? Does my 'call' change my own perception, my own behaviour, my own attitude? Should it? Why does the 'call' make any difference anyways?
I am only hoping that God leads me to that place where my strengths are strong, my weaknesses weak, my efforts full, my energy hard to contain.
We're still working on it. I'm okay with that. I'm not making any fully formed decisions until later.
We're halfway through the process. It's been difficult; but it's been really good too. It keeps on going.
And so will my thoughts and my comments.
. . .
. . .
. . .
'Tears stream down your face when you lose something you can not replace . . . Tears stream down your face. I promise you I will learn from my mistakes. Tears stream down your face now.
. . .
Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.'
. . .
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Thoughts and thanks
You know, so many of my blogs have a sort of negative spin on them. I guess so, at least.
So, this time, I'll try to relay some generally positive ideas, things to be thankful for.
1) I'm glad for a friend such as Anna who has been going through very similar things as me concerning her work and all the responsibilities, expectations revolving around it. She and I spent a lot of time hanging out this weekend in Saint Louis, and we had a number of really great chats.
2) I'm thankful for my week of vacation. Saint Louis is a beautiful city generally speaking. Lots of colour, some pretty decent people. A few things to do. Just as much, however, I am enjoying the hotel that I'm staying at. Depending on how long I live in this room tonight (I'm in the 'Biblioteque (that's not spelled correctly . . .) and they have an internet connection) I will post pictures.
3) I' m currently waiting for those pictures to post. The mosquitos, however, are terrible at the moment. I just spent 2 hours talking with friends. Waiting for my family to call. I am thankful for them all. Not thankful for the mosquitos.
4) Work has focus. Who knows exactly how it'll go, but it does have focus.
5) I have a great opportunity to process what it is I think I'm supposed to be doing with myself in doing this work. The internship is great for this. As I tell everyone, I won't really make a decision until I have all of my information in, until I've done the internship till the end and can make an end of term evaluation.
6) I'm thankful for really great books to read. Check out the Poisonwood Bible. Pretty interesting book, at least for those who have some 'development' or intercultural experience.
7) I'm thankful for movies that parents sent, and that I downloaded off the American family's computer.
8) I'm thankful for some random, good conversations with people on the street, even if they end up being for ulterior motives. Not always thankful, but yes, sometimes.
9) I'm thankful for my health, both in terms of avoiding malaria and other weird diseases up until present, but also health for my head till present. I haven't really had much in the way of headaches for the past 1 1/2 months or so, and it's great to be able to focus on my work instead of my head.
10) I'm really thankful for my music. My MP3 player is such an awesome instrument. It can turn alone time into really enjoyable moments to remember. I had a reminder of that while listening to my player today for a little while while walking around Saint Louis.
11) I'm thankful for little devotional booklets: The Today booklet has given me at least a brief starting point for devos at times, and I can hear the voice of my pastor through the daily write ups he wrote for the month of July. So, really good to have that.
12) I'm thankful for rest, and wisdom taught on how to integrate that rest, in the book of "The Rest of God". Really puts perspective on work vs rest.
Lastly, I'm thankful for your prayers. Thank you for your continual support. I don't hear it as much as I feel it (although I certainly hear it when I talk with good friends and family for hours on Skype!).
That's all for now, cause I gotta get away from the mosquitos (for which, I will too be thankful!)
Blessings
So, this time, I'll try to relay some generally positive ideas, things to be thankful for.
1) I'm glad for a friend such as Anna who has been going through very similar things as me concerning her work and all the responsibilities, expectations revolving around it. She and I spent a lot of time hanging out this weekend in Saint Louis, and we had a number of really great chats.
2) I'm thankful for my week of vacation. Saint Louis is a beautiful city generally speaking. Lots of colour, some pretty decent people. A few things to do. Just as much, however, I am enjoying the hotel that I'm staying at. Depending on how long I live in this room tonight (I'm in the 'Biblioteque (that's not spelled correctly . . .) and they have an internet connection) I will post pictures.
3) I' m currently waiting for those pictures to post. The mosquitos, however, are terrible at the moment. I just spent 2 hours talking with friends. Waiting for my family to call. I am thankful for them all. Not thankful for the mosquitos.
4) Work has focus. Who knows exactly how it'll go, but it does have focus.
5) I have a great opportunity to process what it is I think I'm supposed to be doing with myself in doing this work. The internship is great for this. As I tell everyone, I won't really make a decision until I have all of my information in, until I've done the internship till the end and can make an end of term evaluation.
6) I'm thankful for really great books to read. Check out the Poisonwood Bible. Pretty interesting book, at least for those who have some 'development' or intercultural experience.
7) I'm thankful for movies that parents sent, and that I downloaded off the American family's computer.
8) I'm thankful for some random, good conversations with people on the street, even if they end up being for ulterior motives. Not always thankful, but yes, sometimes.
9) I'm thankful for my health, both in terms of avoiding malaria and other weird diseases up until present, but also health for my head till present. I haven't really had much in the way of headaches for the past 1 1/2 months or so, and it's great to be able to focus on my work instead of my head.
10) I'm really thankful for my music. My MP3 player is such an awesome instrument. It can turn alone time into really enjoyable moments to remember. I had a reminder of that while listening to my player today for a little while while walking around Saint Louis.
11) I'm thankful for little devotional booklets: The Today booklet has given me at least a brief starting point for devos at times, and I can hear the voice of my pastor through the daily write ups he wrote for the month of July. So, really good to have that.
12) I'm thankful for rest, and wisdom taught on how to integrate that rest, in the book of "The Rest of God". Really puts perspective on work vs rest.
Lastly, I'm thankful for your prayers. Thank you for your continual support. I don't hear it as much as I feel it (although I certainly hear it when I talk with good friends and family for hours on Skype!).
That's all for now, cause I gotta get away from the mosquitos (for which, I will too be thankful!)
Blessings
Friday, August 24, 2007
Comments on the day
For those who read it, you'll notice the last post 'Grrr' was deleted.
It was written during a time of too much stress.
Not completely inaccurate, but not exactly a useful post. You'd all freak out.
In reference to it:
Today was odd. I feel all at once unsure of what to do but also aware of a number of threads to look at.
Most of my stress today comes from judging where I'm at right now.
I deem the first 4 - 5 weeks as a really frustrating, unproductive, messed up period of time.
But the last 4 -5 weeks have been really interesting.
Just, where does that leave me?
On what foundation do I build the remaining 3 months?
I do have direction, and I do have purpose.
I just don't necessarily feel I have good context (because of the unproductivity of the first 5 weeks, the times spent in the villages). And thus, with a lack of context, sort of a lack of justification for narrowing the focus to what I have: agro-forestry, tree management, and the natural regeneration of trees.
Mind you, perhaps again I'm being too hard on myself.
But at the same time, I will still say I would have expected better of myself.
I've realized, though, that 'manipulating' people to get information, if you will, is a lot harder than 'manipulating' electronic journals and other online documents. You only need to read the latter whereas the former you have to really know what you're looking for or you won't receive it.
Plus there's all the investment stuff, the side of it all where they really do deserve to know that you care about who they are before they tell you anything remotely of the truth.
So, it's understandable.
There are three things I'm focusing in on right now (and that still makes it hard):
1) Discussions on the worthiness of leaving trees alone in farm fields (essentially a preliminary form of agro-forestry, sort of)
2) Research into understanding the meaning of les Conventions Locales and other projects relating to natural resource management and governance
3) And related to this second point, trying to network with a few of these organizations to see if there is reason for World Vision to try to replicate the process or to see if some form of partnership can exist between them. Or perhaps, merely to learn of the experiences that these organizations have had.
It can make for a busy schedule, and yes, I haven't really figured out yet how to do it all or what will be appropriate use of my time.
I'll have to talk with my mentor about that.
So, that's where I'm at.
Today was frustrating, I couldn't think through things very well despite myself, but at the end of the day, this is where I am.
Next week, I'll take further steps forward.
And then 1 week of vacation. I'm looking forward to it . . .
It was written during a time of too much stress.
Not completely inaccurate, but not exactly a useful post. You'd all freak out.
In reference to it:
Today was odd. I feel all at once unsure of what to do but also aware of a number of threads to look at.
Most of my stress today comes from judging where I'm at right now.
I deem the first 4 - 5 weeks as a really frustrating, unproductive, messed up period of time.
But the last 4 -5 weeks have been really interesting.
Just, where does that leave me?
On what foundation do I build the remaining 3 months?
I do have direction, and I do have purpose.
I just don't necessarily feel I have good context (because of the unproductivity of the first 5 weeks, the times spent in the villages). And thus, with a lack of context, sort of a lack of justification for narrowing the focus to what I have: agro-forestry, tree management, and the natural regeneration of trees.
Mind you, perhaps again I'm being too hard on myself.
But at the same time, I will still say I would have expected better of myself.
I've realized, though, that 'manipulating' people to get information, if you will, is a lot harder than 'manipulating' electronic journals and other online documents. You only need to read the latter whereas the former you have to really know what you're looking for or you won't receive it.
Plus there's all the investment stuff, the side of it all where they really do deserve to know that you care about who they are before they tell you anything remotely of the truth.
So, it's understandable.
There are three things I'm focusing in on right now (and that still makes it hard):
1) Discussions on the worthiness of leaving trees alone in farm fields (essentially a preliminary form of agro-forestry, sort of)
2) Research into understanding the meaning of les Conventions Locales and other projects relating to natural resource management and governance
3) And related to this second point, trying to network with a few of these organizations to see if there is reason for World Vision to try to replicate the process or to see if some form of partnership can exist between them. Or perhaps, merely to learn of the experiences that these organizations have had.
It can make for a busy schedule, and yes, I haven't really figured out yet how to do it all or what will be appropriate use of my time.
I'll have to talk with my mentor about that.
So, that's where I'm at.
Today was frustrating, I couldn't think through things very well despite myself, but at the end of the day, this is where I am.
Next week, I'll take further steps forward.
And then 1 week of vacation. I'm looking forward to it . . .
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Purpose
As I've begun talking with other organizations here in Dakar, I've realized that at least the concept behind my work is really important. No one's really doing it.
What is it?
Listening.
And what is my work mostly about?
Questioning.
And listening . . .
And oh I'm so very good at that, in English, back home, let alone in French and in another context. Ha ha ha ha.
How ironic.
But really, at the end of the day, at the end of my work, evaluating my time here will have a lot to do with how well I listened to God, to myself, and to others.
The major question that remains is how deep I can go in listening. How much will people be willing to tell me.
How do I get them to?
And that's still the hard part for me. How to facilitate it so we get beyond the surface.
Honestly, I'm all ears. Just tell me.
(I wish it were that easy)
Do you want to know where your donor money goes?
Investing in people like me who are learning how to listen. So that through that process, I (we) might help organizations like WV do more effective work.
More importantly, by listening to people, we might come along side them, care for them, and most importantly, empower them to help themselves.
. . .
I went to a meeting today with the Centre de Suivi Ecologique. They implemented a project on natural resource management and governance (at the heart of governance is empowerment). In my opinion, although designed superbly, it also still missed the boat.
Two major weaknesses:
1 Implementing a project that requires inputs people don't have. (so how will it be continued after they're gone? And, how will it be replicated?)
2 They didn't really listen to the people.
They did, very well, even.
But yet, they didn't.
Because I don't think they ever got to the point of asking, 'Once we leave, once nothing is left to support you, do you care about what we've done, what you've done?'
And if not, why not?
. . .
So we return to my work: exploring people's perceptions, behaviours, and attitudes towards the environment.
What are yours?
And how do we expect the poor to think more highly of the environment than we do back home.
Yet again, they should more so than us because they depend more immediately on it.
Hmmm.
Such an interestingly difficult issue to explore for me.
. . .
So, it's clear, but it's not.
It's a work in progress.
It's a becoming.
. . .
I'm going to spend all tomorrow trying to think about how I can engage people in constructive conversation.
And then I'm off to the beach for the weekend with some of the youth from the Roman Catholic church in Fatick. It should be an interesting weekend.
. . .
And then vacation!!!
I'm going to Saint Louis, right at the Mauritanian border. I'm gonna look into crossing into Mauritania. Maybe do a touristy desert trek . . .
. . .
NEwho, it's 8 pm, and I have a dinner meeting at 8:30. So, I gotta jet.
Hope you're all well back home.
Pray for inspiration to lead innovative discussions.
Pray for the well-being of the villagers.
Pray that God would raise up people to listen to them.
(me? I'm still trying to figure that out . . .!)
What is it?
Listening.
And what is my work mostly about?
Questioning.
And listening . . .
And oh I'm so very good at that, in English, back home, let alone in French and in another context. Ha ha ha ha.
How ironic.
But really, at the end of the day, at the end of my work, evaluating my time here will have a lot to do with how well I listened to God, to myself, and to others.
The major question that remains is how deep I can go in listening. How much will people be willing to tell me.
How do I get them to?
And that's still the hard part for me. How to facilitate it so we get beyond the surface.
Honestly, I'm all ears. Just tell me.
(I wish it were that easy)
Do you want to know where your donor money goes?
Investing in people like me who are learning how to listen. So that through that process, I (we) might help organizations like WV do more effective work.
More importantly, by listening to people, we might come along side them, care for them, and most importantly, empower them to help themselves.
. . .
I went to a meeting today with the Centre de Suivi Ecologique. They implemented a project on natural resource management and governance (at the heart of governance is empowerment). In my opinion, although designed superbly, it also still missed the boat.
Two major weaknesses:
1 Implementing a project that requires inputs people don't have. (so how will it be continued after they're gone? And, how will it be replicated?)
2 They didn't really listen to the people.
They did, very well, even.
But yet, they didn't.
Because I don't think they ever got to the point of asking, 'Once we leave, once nothing is left to support you, do you care about what we've done, what you've done?'
And if not, why not?
. . .
So we return to my work: exploring people's perceptions, behaviours, and attitudes towards the environment.
What are yours?
And how do we expect the poor to think more highly of the environment than we do back home.
Yet again, they should more so than us because they depend more immediately on it.
Hmmm.
Such an interestingly difficult issue to explore for me.
. . .
So, it's clear, but it's not.
It's a work in progress.
It's a becoming.
. . .
I'm going to spend all tomorrow trying to think about how I can engage people in constructive conversation.
And then I'm off to the beach for the weekend with some of the youth from the Roman Catholic church in Fatick. It should be an interesting weekend.
. . .
And then vacation!!!
I'm going to Saint Louis, right at the Mauritanian border. I'm gonna look into crossing into Mauritania. Maybe do a touristy desert trek . . .
. . .
NEwho, it's 8 pm, and I have a dinner meeting at 8:30. So, I gotta jet.
Hope you're all well back home.
Pray for inspiration to lead innovative discussions.
Pray for the well-being of the villagers.
Pray that God would raise up people to listen to them.
(me? I'm still trying to figure that out . . .!)
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Responsibility and Calling
I think a lot. When you're by yourself, and if you're me, you think a lot. Don't be too concerned. These are just thoughts. There are feelings behind some of them, especially those thoughts that talk of being annoyed at people. But, they are thoughts, and I've been enjoying myself all the same in Senegal for the last number of weeks especially. You just have the privilege of reading my thoughts. If that interests you. If you think it's a worthy consideration to ponder on.
I thought a bunch this morning about my responsibilities and my call as a Christian here in Dakar, here in Fatick, here in the villages. Here in Senegal. Here I am (send me . . .)
But when you ask me for 'cadeaux' all the time, ask me for gifts, for money, for 'friendship', for phone numbers, addresses, help to get a visa, help to get to Canada. Help to marry your daughter or take your child back to Canada. When you ask me for these things, when, essentially, you demand these things from me, I'm left usually no longer caring.
It's such an odd situation. Such a disappointing or confusing reaction. I wouldn't have wanted it to be that way. In fact, I'm still trying to find niches where I can give in the absence of annoyance. Where I can give in such a way that I feel like I've wanted to give, and not felt obliged to do so.
I enjoy giving, if only people didn't expect it I guess.
Actually, I'd be content being ignorant of their expectations and just assume that they don't see it coming. Just don't ask me for something.
. . .
University taught me to idealize. University is about fresh ideas, innovative thinking, and far-flung hopes and aspirations that mean nothing unless the same people that have them actually live them out. I wonder how many do. Too few, I think.
In my living it out, I don't always feel as excited about giving myself up to people as I would have thought I would have wanted to. Because it's no longer that I would do it out of interest, but rather, out of feeling obligated, feeling greedy, of clenching my fist, keeping tabs on my money, my wallet, my MP3 player, my cellphone.
And yet, always, on some level, they're right. Sort of. And why is it that the one with means says that it shouldn't be about the means. What is that? Aren't we the hypocrites then?
Why do I get to judge who I give a meager portion of my means to. How much do I own what I possess. Would it be God's intention that I ever came to look at my means in this way?
. . .
"If as followers of Jesus we understood our "being blessed" not as a circumstance to be 'thankful' for but rather as a tool to be used to bless others, we would capture the spirit inherent in our call."
? What does that mean? How far do you take that? (what did Jesus do? sorry about the cliché, but I wonder about it)
Sandals, a tunic, and yet he was home in his own culture, no? (and he could make food if ever he wanted it . . . (yes, not exactly, but do you get somewhat my point?) )
Do you become a hypocrite where words and aspirations don't line up with living feelings and real life?
Or who is only now finally coming to terms with a passion to use means for what they are - means to an end and not the end itself. Coming to terms that that passion has existed only in theory till now. Now it's a passion that can breathe.
. . .
Those grimy, greasy little kids running around barefoot at gas stations, asking for money, which they end up only giving to their spiritual leader anyways.
The barefooted boys who chase geckos along the wall and when they catch them, smash them to pieces.
Those in wheelchairs, waiting outside the bank, hoping you'll give them money when you come away from withdrawing an amount of money that is nothing to us but far too much money for them.
Those in the villages with whom I work, they are the women and children and men of the degraded fields of Senegal.
. . .
Isn't it just too easy for us to say no to people who ask. To people who pester and demand. And yet, but where do you draw the line.
I say no.
Because when you ask me, when you demand it of me, when you expect it, I no longer want to care.
I just wonder whether I should care.
. . .
It's not so much about the money as much as it is about the attitude. I have white skin, therefore you will talk to me first.
And the realization that the 100 CFA (20 cents) or 500 CFA ($1) won't change your life one bit.
. . .
At the moment, I would rather invest in your empowerment than care about your daily demand. I would rather you learn to fish than for me to give you one.
Cause then you'll never stop asking.
Worse still, you'll do nothing and just expect something.
. . .
I think human poverty has degraded the human spirit the greatest when it has brought someone to the point where they no longer believe in themselves.
And ironically, in my opinion, giving can sometimes fuel that degradation of spirit.
. . .
Give carefully.
Give wisely.
Give prayerfully.
Only in this very moment have I realized that giving will be much richer if ever it should become not an act of self but a reaction to Spirit moving in self, prompting one to give.
. . .
It's time to go home. I've thought enough.
And most of you are possibly lost.
So might I be.
Feel free, if you find your way, to write a comment or two!
I thought a bunch this morning about my responsibilities and my call as a Christian here in Dakar, here in Fatick, here in the villages. Here in Senegal. Here I am (send me . . .)
But when you ask me for 'cadeaux' all the time, ask me for gifts, for money, for 'friendship', for phone numbers, addresses, help to get a visa, help to get to Canada. Help to marry your daughter or take your child back to Canada. When you ask me for these things, when, essentially, you demand these things from me, I'm left usually no longer caring.
It's such an odd situation. Such a disappointing or confusing reaction. I wouldn't have wanted it to be that way. In fact, I'm still trying to find niches where I can give in the absence of annoyance. Where I can give in such a way that I feel like I've wanted to give, and not felt obliged to do so.
I enjoy giving, if only people didn't expect it I guess.
Actually, I'd be content being ignorant of their expectations and just assume that they don't see it coming. Just don't ask me for something.
. . .
University taught me to idealize. University is about fresh ideas, innovative thinking, and far-flung hopes and aspirations that mean nothing unless the same people that have them actually live them out. I wonder how many do. Too few, I think.
In my living it out, I don't always feel as excited about giving myself up to people as I would have thought I would have wanted to. Because it's no longer that I would do it out of interest, but rather, out of feeling obligated, feeling greedy, of clenching my fist, keeping tabs on my money, my wallet, my MP3 player, my cellphone.
And yet, always, on some level, they're right. Sort of. And why is it that the one with means says that it shouldn't be about the means. What is that? Aren't we the hypocrites then?
Why do I get to judge who I give a meager portion of my means to. How much do I own what I possess. Would it be God's intention that I ever came to look at my means in this way?
. . .
"If as followers of Jesus we understood our "being blessed" not as a circumstance to be 'thankful' for but rather as a tool to be used to bless others, we would capture the spirit inherent in our call."
? What does that mean? How far do you take that? (what did Jesus do? sorry about the cliché, but I wonder about it)
Sandals, a tunic, and yet he was home in his own culture, no? (and he could make food if ever he wanted it . . . (yes, not exactly, but do you get somewhat my point?) )
Do you become a hypocrite where words and aspirations don't line up with living feelings and real life?
Or who is only now finally coming to terms with a passion to use means for what they are - means to an end and not the end itself. Coming to terms that that passion has existed only in theory till now. Now it's a passion that can breathe.
. . .
Those grimy, greasy little kids running around barefoot at gas stations, asking for money, which they end up only giving to their spiritual leader anyways.
The barefooted boys who chase geckos along the wall and when they catch them, smash them to pieces.
Those in wheelchairs, waiting outside the bank, hoping you'll give them money when you come away from withdrawing an amount of money that is nothing to us but far too much money for them.
Those in the villages with whom I work, they are the women and children and men of the degraded fields of Senegal.
. . .
Isn't it just too easy for us to say no to people who ask. To people who pester and demand. And yet, but where do you draw the line.
I say no.
Because when you ask me, when you demand it of me, when you expect it, I no longer want to care.
I just wonder whether I should care.
. . .
It's not so much about the money as much as it is about the attitude. I have white skin, therefore you will talk to me first.
And the realization that the 100 CFA (20 cents) or 500 CFA ($1) won't change your life one bit.
. . .
At the moment, I would rather invest in your empowerment than care about your daily demand. I would rather you learn to fish than for me to give you one.
Cause then you'll never stop asking.
Worse still, you'll do nothing and just expect something.
. . .
I think human poverty has degraded the human spirit the greatest when it has brought someone to the point where they no longer believe in themselves.
And ironically, in my opinion, giving can sometimes fuel that degradation of spirit.
. . .
Give carefully.
Give wisely.
Give prayerfully.
Only in this very moment have I realized that giving will be much richer if ever it should become not an act of self but a reaction to Spirit moving in self, prompting one to give.
. . .
It's time to go home. I've thought enough.
And most of you are possibly lost.
So might I be.
Feel free, if you find your way, to write a comment or two!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Balance
I think things are finally coming to.
I say that in light of knowing that I won't be spending more than 1 consecutive week (or two) in the villages for the next month or so.
You could say I'm wimping out a bit, perhaps, but frankly, I'm glad for the mix of ideas swirling around. As the title suggests, it creates a slightly better balance.
It has quite a bit to do with space to think more intentionally about what I'm doing in the villages now though. With going into the villages the second time, and with having a better sense of where all of this is going for the next little while, I'm trying to make sure that the time I spend there is more focused, more directed towards something specific.
In hindsight, I would have loved to have this perspective earlier, but part of me also believes that that really wouldn't have been possible. In fact, even with the 'focused' discussions I'm having, I feel like sometimes they're a little fabricated. As though I'm touching on a subject that interests me without knowing whether or not or to what extent it even interests the people I'm talking to. I guess perhaps that's part of it. But, in terms of 'development', it seems to be a bit forced. A bit fabricated.
Still, I'm glad for the focus. I'm glad for the interesting points and reasons people have made and given.
. . .
This coming week, I'm in Dakar. I need to figure out how to direct conversations in these cases as well. To take advantage of the scarce time I have with people. But again, at least there seems to be a focus I'm starting to take.
. . .
After that, I'll be in another village for another week. Then vacation for 1 week. Then the last village. Then a workshop, again in Dakar. (I love Dakar, and I'm glad to be able to go there).
. . .
There is great wisdom expressed to me by my supervisor when explaining to me that it is more helpful for development money to be spent on training people to train others than it is to simply give people something. It's all about empowerment, and that, truly, is what development should be all about. Still, I think there's room for improvement when it comes to efficiency to get to that point where people are being empowered . . .
. . .
This week had a number of challenges. People were working in their fields. There was the weekly market Thursday, and a Thursday afternoon football match (that took away my translator for that block of time). Monday's conversation was a flop. Tuesday morning I arranged Wednesday's meetings. Tuesday night, no one showed up. Wednesday morning, I had a good conversation with some women. Wednesday night, none of the young men I had wanted to talk to were around because they had all gone to the August 15, Assumption (Ascension) celebrations in Fatick. Thursday morning was a good conversation with the men. Thursday afternoon, a weaker one because the translation wasn't as helpful as it usually is. Certainly, I need to be helped along in my work at times by the translator, and since they were all at football, the young boy that helped me did an excellent job all things considered. Certainly, it shows that I have much to learn about asking good questions. Friday morning was a decent conversation with a group of women. And that's it.
In between those conversations, I did a bunch of weed-picking in the fields, walking around, hanging out, talking with people, eating rice, eating couscous, eating couscous. But, there was a bit of variation in evening meals, so I survived a week. That was nice. But, I'll tell you, I get tired of the food, mostly, even after only 1 week. I wonder what that means.
. . .
But ya, I'll have to say that despite the challenges, it was a really good week, if only because I was asking a set group of questions, and simply probing. I was also on some level, calling people's bluffs (at least, as I see them). This might not be correct, but frankly, it's useful sometimes if you want to get at heart of the mater of something.
. . .
At any rate, I'm going to go swimming in Dakar tomorrow, hopefully play some tennis, and work on a summary document of les Conventions Locales so that that is ready for a meeting I have in Dakar some time this week with IED. While the date is not determined, I'm sure it'll happen. I've learned the value of using my cell phone to bug people. Otherwise, nothing ever happens.
. . .
And oh how I'm so glad that my cell phone works in the villages.
. . .
NEWho, it's 8 pm. I have to leave the office now. I just finished my 8 page report on the week. Now off to dinner.
. . .
God has been gracious.
But keep on praying!
Especially for the villagers. And that the conversations I have with them will be insightful.
I say that in light of knowing that I won't be spending more than 1 consecutive week (or two) in the villages for the next month or so.
You could say I'm wimping out a bit, perhaps, but frankly, I'm glad for the mix of ideas swirling around. As the title suggests, it creates a slightly better balance.
It has quite a bit to do with space to think more intentionally about what I'm doing in the villages now though. With going into the villages the second time, and with having a better sense of where all of this is going for the next little while, I'm trying to make sure that the time I spend there is more focused, more directed towards something specific.
In hindsight, I would have loved to have this perspective earlier, but part of me also believes that that really wouldn't have been possible. In fact, even with the 'focused' discussions I'm having, I feel like sometimes they're a little fabricated. As though I'm touching on a subject that interests me without knowing whether or not or to what extent it even interests the people I'm talking to. I guess perhaps that's part of it. But, in terms of 'development', it seems to be a bit forced. A bit fabricated.
Still, I'm glad for the focus. I'm glad for the interesting points and reasons people have made and given.
. . .
This coming week, I'm in Dakar. I need to figure out how to direct conversations in these cases as well. To take advantage of the scarce time I have with people. But again, at least there seems to be a focus I'm starting to take.
. . .
After that, I'll be in another village for another week. Then vacation for 1 week. Then the last village. Then a workshop, again in Dakar. (I love Dakar, and I'm glad to be able to go there).
. . .
There is great wisdom expressed to me by my supervisor when explaining to me that it is more helpful for development money to be spent on training people to train others than it is to simply give people something. It's all about empowerment, and that, truly, is what development should be all about. Still, I think there's room for improvement when it comes to efficiency to get to that point where people are being empowered . . .
. . .
This week had a number of challenges. People were working in their fields. There was the weekly market Thursday, and a Thursday afternoon football match (that took away my translator for that block of time). Monday's conversation was a flop. Tuesday morning I arranged Wednesday's meetings. Tuesday night, no one showed up. Wednesday morning, I had a good conversation with some women. Wednesday night, none of the young men I had wanted to talk to were around because they had all gone to the August 15, Assumption (Ascension) celebrations in Fatick. Thursday morning was a good conversation with the men. Thursday afternoon, a weaker one because the translation wasn't as helpful as it usually is. Certainly, I need to be helped along in my work at times by the translator, and since they were all at football, the young boy that helped me did an excellent job all things considered. Certainly, it shows that I have much to learn about asking good questions. Friday morning was a decent conversation with a group of women. And that's it.
In between those conversations, I did a bunch of weed-picking in the fields, walking around, hanging out, talking with people, eating rice, eating couscous, eating couscous. But, there was a bit of variation in evening meals, so I survived a week. That was nice. But, I'll tell you, I get tired of the food, mostly, even after only 1 week. I wonder what that means.
. . .
But ya, I'll have to say that despite the challenges, it was a really good week, if only because I was asking a set group of questions, and simply probing. I was also on some level, calling people's bluffs (at least, as I see them). This might not be correct, but frankly, it's useful sometimes if you want to get at heart of the mater of something.
. . .
At any rate, I'm going to go swimming in Dakar tomorrow, hopefully play some tennis, and work on a summary document of les Conventions Locales so that that is ready for a meeting I have in Dakar some time this week with IED. While the date is not determined, I'm sure it'll happen. I've learned the value of using my cell phone to bug people. Otherwise, nothing ever happens.
. . .
And oh how I'm so glad that my cell phone works in the villages.
. . .
NEWho, it's 8 pm. I have to leave the office now. I just finished my 8 page report on the week. Now off to dinner.
. . .
God has been gracious.
But keep on praying!
Especially for the villagers. And that the conversations I have with them will be insightful.
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