Death of a social butterfly

I won't be lying if I tell you the transition over the weekend was rough, to put it mildly. Thanks to a few phone calls (predominantly home to my parents) and the proceeding onslaught of prayers from them on my behalf (probably combined with that of some from my church and friends too) things have turned around somewhat.

Mostly, my struggle over the past few days has been largely social. There has been no one to talk to in such a way that I feel I'm connecting. There are very few people to talk to to begin with, but then just because you're talking AT someone doesn't mean you're necessarily talking WITH someone. When the world has changed completely overnight, and there is no one there you truly feel, life, at least for me, gets difficult. Death of a social butterfly. (although associating myself to a butterfly is perhaps a little depressing, although slightly funny)

And there you have it: if I'm honest with myself, I don't feel I was welcomed in both the way I was expecting and in a way that seemed well planned. Part of the blame falls on last minute scheduling changes. The rest falls on culture and perhaps a bit of personal unpreparedness (both on my part, but definitely on their part). Needless to say, I can't really blame anyone, whether I want to or not.

Still, combined with the loss of social interaction over a period of 6 days, when all I really wanted to do above anything else was talk with someone about what was going on, what I was seeing, where I was going, and the why's of everything, all these things came to a boil Friday night. That's just the way I am. I'm extroverted. I process externally, but talking to yourself only gets you so far . . . ha ha ha!

I wrote an email to a friend that night. I didn't send it because I wasn't connected to the internet. He has never received it, but soon he might. It's pretty dark, but it probably gets across pretty accurately what I was feeling at the time. It would be unfair, however, if I sent that email without a follow up of how I'm currently doing, having now passed, at least in part, through a dark, shadow time.

And God was there through it all, both in times when I could feel He was, and times when I wondered where the heck he went. But, there were moments of peace in the storm, and there were some good resources to be reading during that time.

Still, I feel that if I am to last in the field, I will need to understand that that process will probably happen to me every single time I go somewhere new. It might help if I have someone with me next time, whether that be a friend or maybe a wife. That would be good. Not sure how that would work, though. Maybe that'll be the next thing on the "to do" list. Ahem. I don't think it works that way . . . ha ha ha! But regardless, someone I know, and who knows me, will be a huge help in allowing me to process through everything. And, besides, I think the work might be accomplished more effectively as a result.

But ya, besides the frustrating times over the weekend, there were some cool developments:
I went to church. It's composed of 20 people about. The service is conducted in Serer and French. I liked being in the House of the Lord, but I have yet to connect with people. It will be interesting to see where that goes, but God's house is a great place to be no matter where you are in the world.
I also started taking some initiative. That's been part of the problem. I'm still coming to my 'aggressive' senses, still coming to a point where I just say 'to heck with it' and go out, ask a billion questions, and start doing some exploring. That's been harder than normal only because it's a totally different environment and it sort of disarmed me for quite some time. But, on Sunday, I just started investigating prices of certain products, basically so that I empower myself to be able to buy my own products, whenever I want to, on my own terms. I'm become tired of waiting for them to do it for me so that they feel better about my safety. Still, there's a long way to go about learning about all that is around me.
I started wandering around the 'city' too, so I have a better sense of where some things are, and how to get to and from work and my house. That was a good move too because this morning I walked to work instead of being picked up. I will continue to do that.

Anyways, this blog is getting long, and I need to get back to work. I'm more excited to do so for the moment because I have a sense of what I'm doing.

I hope everyone back home is doing well. Please continue to pray for me, though, as the change here has been harder than I imagined (and yes, I'm just as surprised as you are!).

And although only a few lines, it's the most important part of my blog: Pray for the development of friendships; pray that I discover the city I'm in so that I can do things independently. Pray that I do so in a culturally sensitive and personally safe manner. Pray that I find a home at the church where I go. Pray that I get a cell phone if that cell phone facilitates social networking. Pray that I'm able to develop a friendship with my house mate, Mor. And pray that I might become excited about the possibility of my being here so that I view things from a positive and hopeful perspective. Just pick one or a few though. Don't worry about them all. Because between you and the rest of you, the strengh of community will get the bases covered.

And then, once my head is on my shoulders, I'll be able to direct you guys to pray more for others than for myself.

I look forward with hope, knowing that there is time for friendships to grow, and out of that social support network, a productive time away can be had as I engage farmers in the villages to investigate what it might mean for them to go about 'managing their natural resources' in a sustainable manner.

Have a great day guys. I'll work on it from my side over here.