By the light of the moon

There is this book of poetry I have at home. It's entitled "By the light of the moon". I've never really thought about it a lot. Never had to, never cared.

I mention it now, though, because soon a lot of my evenings will be spent under the light of the moon, and a whole bunch of my work and living in Senegal will happen during those early evening hours.

Just, I wonder what I'm going to be going into soon. Heading into the villages. All by myself. Pursuing relationships with people and also information about what they do, how, why, and what they've observed in their changing environment.

I also wonder why I think about it so much. You know? Like, had you asked me a year ago if I would have thought going to Senegal to be a thrilling opportunity, I probably would have told you 'Yes' with much enthusiasm. I'm still saying 'Yes'. I'm still here, and I find many things about what I'm doing here pretty engaging. Only, I feel like I've changed a lot over the past year, and I feel like I'm not sure I'm saying that 'Yes' with as much enthusiasm right now as I would have then.

Really, I feel like I'm waiting for something. Waiting for things to just work themselves out. Waiting perhaps for an attitude shift, a re-claiming of the excitement to explore, to be challenged, to learn, to grow. Waiting to let go of something. Or to embrace something. Not sure.

Perhaps in waiting for that something, I've lost some of my willingness to tackle the excitement. I dunno. But, I wonder about it a bunch (since, of course, I have lots of time on my hands). Really, that's what I think it boils down to: I have NO IDEA what to do with all my alone time. Relationships are still being built, and even those I'm currently working on might be harder to pursue if I'm constantly running between isolated villages surrounding the city. And there isn't really any one with whom I can share experiences with.

Not only that, but a number of my contacts will be leaving shortly. Betty Reno, the American downstairs is gone in 1 week for about 2 months. There's still the American family across the road, but they're a family, and I don't intend to crash their lives all the time. Even more though, is that I'm still going to try to keep that to a minimum. Running to the familiar all the time seems to be a cop out.
(still, after hanging out in the villages for over half of every week for the next 10 weeks might very well change my opinion! But then it'll be justified).

But ya, despite the nature of this post, know that I'm feeling pretty all right at the moment. I might have a different story to tell in 7 days time, but I need to be patient with myself along the learning curve. I've never done anything like this, and a part of me is still very intrigued with what it is I am doing. Just, as I said to everyone before I left, it's going to be a question of decent social outlets that I'll be able to access when I get out of the villages. The 'pizza and movie' nights on Friday's at the American family's house might very well be a life-saver in a few weeks time! And Dakar will be such a break, what with its beaches, access to communications, electricity, running water, and plenty of food selection.

Pray for me as I go into the villages. Pray for the transition. But more so, pray that I let go of whatever it is I'm holding on to that is holding me back. Know what I mean? Like, here's my opportunity, here's my chance. And what an opportunity it is! I really don't want to walk away from Senegal thinking, 'man, why didn't you do that?!?'. Still, alongside of those prayers, pray that I might be able to find adequate and timely social outlets. It is the last standing frustration I have to overcome, and relationships that have adequate depth might be hardest to form.

That's why you guys are so important! And this blog. And your emails and posts! . . . Get it?

NEwho, I'm off to cook some dinner after hauling 20 litres of water with me for 30 minutes. This'll be fun. (but, I'm hauling what I'll live on for 5 days (actually, I'll probably bring closer to 40 litres with me for over 4 - 5 days).

I'll write more another day.