Structure and Uncertainty

Structure took away my freedoms. It's still the very thing that helps me survive, and in most ways is still required. But, the foundations of structure are sometimes giving way to Uncertainty.

Everything is changing, really, and since the structure of the first bit of this internship didn't prove to be too healthy (too much rigidity in what I was 'supposed' to do and not enough time to think), I'm just trying to give things over to change.
. . .

November is pretty much a go. So, I'll be here until the end of November instead of the end of October. It breathes life and freedom into the internship.
. . .
I will forever be trying to figure out what to talk about, but perhaps more accurately, how to talk about what it is I want to.
. . .
I'm wanting to believe (waiting to see whether I'll dare) that networking and doing life is more important than output when it comes to the village visits. I'm still not sure how to do both at the same time . . .
. . .
And I want to learn the language.
And the history and culture of the people through readings as well as conversations.
So much to talk about, so little time, and often the tongue isn't present (no translator = no translation) (thus the desire to learn the language)
. . .
My schedule keeps on changing. I was supposed to go to the villages for the next number of weeks. I didn't go this week, will probably go next, and then I'll have to be in Dakar again for at least some time to connect with someone from the IDRC. And he's only around until the end of August. And then October. So, I have to sufficiently connect with him before the end.

So when and how do I go to the villages?
. . .
I think I'm slowly learning how to make decisions. Maybe it's being forced out of me, but it's also really neat feeling like I'm coming to a point where I'm realizing how much better it is if I make decisions.
Mind you, I still do have to talk about it with people who can advise me. Experience is important to tap in to. I don't always know what to do. (often, even). Just, it's coming along.

As the line goes, the internship will be what I make it.

And as a great friend tells me, you can do anything you want. Just make sure you can justify it. There'd better be a good reason for it.

Looking back, there were some 'decisions' made that didn't have a tonne of fore thought. Life is for learning. I hope that that keeps on happening here, however that happens.

I have to remember to give myself time to breathe through the process.

I can go at my own rate, in my own way. I'll let everyone else decide whether it's 'good enough'.

Whatever. There's lots going on. I want to figure it all out, especially since there isn't one right way to do things. I have to carve out my own route.

Off to bed. It's late, although it's been nice to post in the comfort of my hotel room for a change . . .

Pray for the villages still.
Pray that I would engage people naturally. Steering conversations here and there towards the environment, perhaps. Or maybe doing something more formal. Just, that the conversations would be good, would be engaging, would be natural.

And I'll keep praying too