Reflections

Shout outs to everyone back home. This is attempt number two of this message. We'll see if the internet doesn't get stupid on me.

I'm currently in between Joal Fadouith and Mbour. Just north of JF. At a hotel called Laguna Beach. Was here once before just before Christmas vac last year (when I was first here, b4 I got sick).

It's a cool place to be at, but the reason for my being here this time is slightly different. This time it's work and not vac.
An African Livelihoods Securities workshop. It's actually quite interesting. Has a lot to do with both my 'work' in the villages as well as the core mentality of my university undergrad. And actually, it's quite amazing that it's not a concept that has already been adopted. And, in fact, it's pretty interesting to hear some of the ideas and comments people have. I think to myself, what? really? you think that way? Or you think it's about that? hmmm.
(essentially, for once, in some ways, with some people, I feel like I have something to contribute)

All the same, World Vision is merely trying to bring itself to a point where it should already fully be but only exists in part. It's a gigantic organization, however, and so its movements are little sluggish . . . We're good at structure, but the structure sometimes inhibits agile movement . . .

. . .
I've been sick for over a week now. Not terribly so, but enough to screw around with my mood enough not to be terribly motivated last week in the village. Things went over relatively well, though, all things considered. In fact, I also ended up staying in the village till Saturday morning for a change (instead of leaving Friday morning or afternoon). This past Friday, too, was the start of Ramadan, so I took part in la jeûne (the daily fast). We woke up at 5:30 to eat some breakfast (the khad) and then I didn't eat or drink until 7 pm Friday. Meanwhile, I had been sick since Tuesday. But, I watched myself, and if it had been a problem (especially the not drinking part) I would have resumed eating and drinking. As it was, I survived, although I thoroughly enjoyed my Café Touba and bread at 7 pm.

. . .

There are a lot of things I've learned and accepted over the past number of weeks, as well as tried to move on from. I've realized and accepted a lot of the weakness and flaws of the approach that I designed. Running between villages every week and not giving myself time to talk and discuss and reflect on a village experience are probably the two major weaknesses. At times, I could say there's been a lack of support from certain staff, but really, it doesn't quite work out that way. At least, they can't be blamed. Everyone is entitled to their vacation, and I went into this internship knowing that everyone was going to take one. Really, what it boils down to is me not 'just figuring it out' as best as I think I should have. Whatever.
All the same, I guess it waits to be seen how WVC and WVS reacts to my report. There will be plenty to write about, in terms of the basic information learned, ideas explored, and the process undertaken. For all of these things, I'm thankful, and at the end of the day, I could care less whether it's 'good enough'.

Rather, what I would like to see out of myself is a narrowing focus towards that area of development that intrigues me, excites me, engages me, suits me the most. God is present everywhere. God's love can be shared everywhere, in different ways, and with whomever. What I'm only beginning to toy with in my mind is the idea that whether I'm here or home, 'evangelism' equals relationship and that, like all good relationships, they take time. Meaning, it won't be possible, I don't think, to simply 'throw gospel' in the short term and then walk away. Very truly, it will be an investment on my part. It will be relationship that takes time. The only reason why it hasn't had to be that (on some level) is because in every environment previous that I had found myself, it was always understood to be a short-term thing. Eventually, however, that won't be the case.

So, unless I want faith living to somehow be a job more than a side role I constantly play in my everyday living, then, ya, I'll need a job. And voilà! There's one staring me in the face.
. . .

Well, sort of. I'm still trying to figure out where exactly I fit in this mess called development. I think I'm beginning to like it, even if I don't necessarily all that is a part of my internship. The concept is exciting, and if I can figure out at least in part the work, then I think I'll be pretty energized by the whole thing.

On another note, I'm losing a lot of friends to friends. I know that there is now only a handful of us who are single amongst the larger group. I just learned of yet another hook up just this evening.

Hats off to you all. Sounds exciting. I think I'm realizing that my time will come once I figure out where I want to be, what I want to be doing. And God knows that unless that is there, some of that 'other stuff' doesn't necessarily make a lot of sense for me just now.

But man, YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!!! ha ha ha

. . .

Don't forget to go out for coffee with me every now and again (if ever I'm in country)

. . .

So, I've been thinking lots about where in development I might want to be.

I've been thinking a bit about what circumstances need to be in place, what specific subjects I like, what I would need in order to survive, to make it work.

Some things I'm willing to admit:
1 Villages? Ya, no. At least, not for very long term. At least not totally by myself. Without knowing the local language. Without really getting my subject matter. Without letting myself just go with it versus judging myself to death.

2 I think I prefer being in an urban area all the same. Or within close proximity. It’ll be better for my health, given its risks. It’ll be better for access to services. Perhaps I’m just preferring to stay comfortable. That’s part of it. But part of it has to do with the things I believe I’ll find in the city that I’ll be able to relate to.

3 Food – it needs to be generally stable for me otherwise I go crazy

4 Resource management still interests me, because I think the protection of the environment is a pretty crucial aspect of global existence. However, to what extent that would require me to live in a village somewhat has me. If I can find a way to reconcile the city with NRM, then we might be good to go.

5 In light of that, I’m trying to take a look at Urban or Peri-Urban agriculture. On the fringes of a city, perhaps, yet still addressing food security issues. Who knows. That might be cool. Or perhaps there’s another subject entirely different. The idea of working overseas interests me; the idea of getting all caught up in a big gigantic organization doesn’t entirely, especially if it has to do with trying to use tools that for the moment I feel prevent me from really connecting with people. I dunno. I don’t believe in PRA quite yet, despite still knowing it’s what I need to do. I’m sure once I get it better, then I’ll be more open to the approaches.

Newho, the next time I write, I’ll try to give a sense of some things I’ve seen or cool culturally things. We’ll see.

Good to chat with some of you tonight, despite the constant loss of WIFI connection. Alas, such is the way it goes sometimes here.