The complex equation of a teardrop

I was reflecting briefly on how a tear or a drop of water travels. Such a small amount of water, yet such a long distance. As it gives out, it reclaims. Something so simple, and yet the equation to figure out what distance it will travel based off how large it is, the humidity in the air, the friction of the surface it is traveling on. Hmmm.

. . .

I wonder how something so simple as my internship turned into something so incredibly complex.

I think about my interests, my faith, culture, cultural change. Of how I feel I connected with my co-workers, and yet that connection never went beyond the rare invitation to someone's house for dinner. Perhaps 3 or 4 times throughout 6 months. I’m not sure I’d want to live on that for much longer. It’ll have to go further next time.

I feel like I could embrace a new culture, that I could thrive in one, really. But, I need to find work that makes me want to be there.

Perhaps that's the essential behind all of this. Exciting about culture and change, yet frustrated, bored, and self-judging about my work. Likely, I'll need to figure out work before I figure trying to figure out a new culture.

. . .

I think of some of the people I'm leaving behind. I will miss certain co-workers as well as friendships made along the way. Even some in the villages themselves, despite the lopsided reasons behind them. Both sides have been using each other for their own means. I perhaps didn't see that I was doing that, but I certainly felt like they were doing that with me. But, I can't deny that this was a mutual using experience.

I think I'll be more content when that 'using' ends and true relationship can form. That requires time and interest, both of which were at times lacking throughout the internship. Everything, I think, just seemed so surface-y. That's probably the greatest dimension that frustrated me.

And yet as I go, I know that I found depth in a few, unexpected places.
Betty.
The family that moved into my place October and November.
A few of my co-workers, with the passage of times.
Learning to joke (giving away my sister for marriage at the extreme price of 70 cows - never got them, so they never got my sister . . . at any rate, I say goodbye to a few ex-brothers in law as a result! ah ha ha h)
Even myself. Learning to let go, to open up, to live out instead of inside all the time.

. . .
As I go, it's the lessons I learned not the results gained that I personally will value the most. I think that's all that matters now. I look to do better the 2nd time round, wherever and whenever that might be.

. . .

I'll see everyone in just a few days.

. . .

(caught in the middle . . . but working towards a particular side as I slowly move along)

Alex