Head aches

My head aches. It's the summary of my life experience for the past number of days. And circumstances for me for the moment seem to be implying that my rabbit hole of recovery will continue to burrow down for a little while. I'm not content.

I hate head aches. I've suffered from head aches for the past 3 days following my surgery. That doesn't include the time of head aches that started all of this, that brought me home, that justified surgery. A day and a half after my shunt surgery, the doctors did an LP on me, a Lombard puncture, or something like that. Pulled fluid from my spine. The ensuing headache was supposed to last 24 hours give or take. Even if it were 48 hours, I'm far past that hour mark now. What I'm left with makes me wonder if things are fixed . . .

One of the main issues of the head aches that I'm experiencing is that it makes thinking difficult. It's hard to piece together ideas for any length of time, it's hard to focus. It's hard to keep my eyes open, or even to stay sitting up for longer than 1/2 hr. If I do much of anything besides lie flat, I have a head ache within a short period of time. So, that's frustrating, to sum it in one word.

I went to see the specialist today from the Infectious Diseases department at Henderson hospital. They've found 3 separate cultures that were growing on the tube in my body. All three cultures are separate, but none seem to be diseases. But, they're confused as to why there are three separate cultures, why they're not mixed together. Frankly, I don't care. All I know is that I still have a headache and it makes me feel disoriented, shaky, and nauseous (however you spell that - I don't feel enough right now to care to check how!)

So, here's what's going on: I'm waiting to see if this headache finally goes away. If it doesn't, or if the 3 cultures they're studying turn up something bizarre, I might have to be re operated on, replacing the entire shibang, the entire shunt apparatus. I'd rather they just get on with it, first because my head hurts regardless, and because I'm thinking almost purely in terms of time.

How much time before the internship gets canned, before it's really rather impractical to continue, before the delay moves too far into the rainy season restricting any studying of farmer natural resource management practice because they'll all be too busy working in the fields. It might be a really unique opportunity to be able to observe that, to be there when the rains come back. But that's not my decision, and for the moment, while I try to be optimistic, the headaches and the circumstances are making that difficult.

Everything right now is all just a sore fog in my head anyways, read in blurred vision on my computer screen as I stare rather clumsily ahead while letting my fingers type whatever random jumble of thoughts spill out of my mind. Get a sense of my feelings right now? That's the idea.

If they headaches are still here tomorrow, I might just head back to the ER again and get things rechecked. The headaches really wear me out, really tire my head, my body. And concerning my work, they tire my spirits, my hopes of return, even when I want to stop thinking the way I am and start thinking differently. But, it just hurts to think.

So, if you can, and since you can in thoughts and phrases more coherent than mine, pray for understanding on my part, pray that I wait patiently for the Lord, despite the aches, through the aches, along with the aches. Pray for recovery, and pray for hope. Pray for time, because right now, that's the biggest race I feel I'm in right now. It's a race to recover in time, and I'm hoping I 'win' at the end of the day.

Whatever the outcome, though, pray that I trust Jesus through it all. It's just tiring to think, to pray right now. So, when you can, do it with me and do it for me.

Hoping all the heads out there are less achy than mine!