Luke 18: 18 - 30

I've always had lots of thoughts on this passage. I won't be sharing many of them with you here, mind you. Just whatever happens to come off my fingers.

Still, the verse about being willing to give up mother, father, sisters, brothers, friends, it's a pretty key idea in my mind. Despite all of my past posts, don't get me wrong. I still don't believe I've ever lost my friends or my family. Just, I haven't found too much here to replace them during the time I've been away. Or at least, maybe it's that I haven't found something deep enough to fulfill my social preferences. And again too, a lot of that has been my own doing.

Regardless, that's not the point. The point is, I will eventually come to understand that I don't think I can live for my friends or my family. None of them will be around forever. Sure, here and there, and perhaps if I stay local, more often 'here' than 'there'. But perhaps we're talking a matter of degrees? A matter of a 50 times per year versus 2. I guess with some friends it's more like 365 times versus 2, but really.

I didn't go to Montreal to study at McGill 5 years ago for some of the same fears that make me want to not get into this line of work. But, I think I need to start believing that no matter what happens, they'll always be around. Somewhere. Sometimes.

I would say then that a bunch of this has more to do with being willing to move on than anything else. The other part of it still remains, however, a matter of call and interest.
. . .
I thought a bunch more about the notion of 'calling'. I wonder who invented it. Where exactly does it come from? And why do we feel we're entitled to it? Here's what I mean: Do we think we're called to something or merely within wherever we are? Absolutely, people are called to something. I agree. But just who exactly? It seems sort of a luxury to have the option to be 'called' to something instead of just finding yourself stuck somewhere and having to make do with how things are.

That perspective comes from being here. From noticing, realizing, admitting that soooo many people in the world, it seems, don't really have an option to be 'called' somewhere. Again, it strikes me that it's more likely they be called 'within' versus called 'to'.

I am, however, grateful for those who use their freedom to choose to listen to how they might be being called. Whether it's a notion applied only to a very small number of people, and perhaps people who have a choice more than others, I'm glad there are those that think about it. (and I don't mean to make this sound like I'm being a good boy - certainly, I've wondered about why it is that I even am entitled to the choice of 'being called'. Why is it that I wasn't born anywhere else where life = Day 1: get up, pound the millet, collect the firewood, cook breakfast. Eat it. Wash clothes. Sift the rice, descale the fish, chop the vegetables, cook lunch. Eat it. Rest (perhaps). Pound the millet. Cook the sauce. Prepare dinner. Eat it. Clean up. etc. Sleep. Day 2 - 7: Repeat Day 1.

I'm glad this isn't my life, and I'm very glad that those to whom this life belongs are still able to find joy in it wherever. But ya, it's just stuff to think about.

So that's calling.
. . .
Interest exists in freedom as well. Because you actually had the choice to study X, you had the choice and time to find said internship. You have the time to still choose according to your interests, your passions.

I am grateful for that freedom, but again wonder why it is I have it and to what degree I'm using it wisely.
. . .

At the end of the day, because of rest during this vacation, because of a renewed sense of direction and a lesser focus on 'success', and because of continued processings, I'm beginning to want something: to put my head down, to shut up, and to get to work. I'm still not sure how long the drive will last if there is never the true development of depth of friendship. But in this too, I need to look more to God, less to myself, more to other potential friendships, and less to those friends back home. Absolutely, I will keep on calling home because I love to.

But you're not here, nor will you be, so I need to move on . . .

. . .
To those who have read this far:
I realize I write too much about how I feel and not enough about what I've been doing. I'll try to make the blog a little more interesting in the future weeks!

What I've been up to for the past week:

Overall, Saint Louis has been fabulous. Not without its cost, but I intended on it to be that way in order to step away from the stress, the frustration, the 'aaaahhh' of what work has been for a long time. It has moved away from that in the past number of weeks, which has been great. But I was certainly glad to have the option of leaving everything behind for the past 5 days.

I arrived in Saint Louis with Anna towards 10 pm. I spent 7 hours traveling between Fatick - Dakar, Dakar - Saint Louis. Most of it was pretty comfortable, though. I bought out 3 seats on the way to Dakar so I had plenty of space and comfort, and I was chilling with Anna on the 4 hour, stiff-body ride up to Saint Louis. So it was good.

The hotel: Need to send pictures. Spent a good chunk of change, but for the comfortable beds, air-conditioning, nice pool, and isolated location, it was well worth it.

The city: once I realized it, Saint Louis was beautiful. At first not, but I eventually found parts of it (again, still largely tourist areas) that I really enjoyed. Mostly because it reminded me a lot of Paris. Namely, I was just content to drink expressos and go to the boulangerie. Fresh baked goodies and coffee! Can't be beat.
. . .
Saturday: Anna and I rented scooters. A real hoot. 22 hours. 12 USD. Not bad. We ended up going to Zebrabar (either ZEEbrabar or Zeb brabar, depending on nationality. I never knew the English call it a zebra with a soft 'e'. So ya, we drove out to there, chilled out on a look out tower for a bit, then rode back. And this was after we toured the city for a while on the bikes.

Sunday: chilled out. Anna left by 4ish. I eventually went into town for just a bit.
Monday: This was a hotel day. I spent about 6 - 7 hours merely reading Le Monde (french newspaper - finally! Daily news from outside Fatick!) and my "Poisonwood Bible". 543 pages is now come and gone, although I didn't read all that just this week. Just about 200 pages of it. It's a great book. I recommend it. Monday night went into town. Took in the sites a bit. Found a cool restaurant. Ate some good food. Wandering around the island was a bunch of fun. Listened to my MP3 player. Did whatever. Made plans for Tuesday.
Tuesday: Was pretty fun. Lots went on. In the morning, took my time, chilled out at breakfast at the boulangerie. Then I rented a motocyclette again. This time, on going back to Zebrabar, I diverted and went to the Parc Nationale de la Langue de Barbarie. Although totally not the season for it, I went to see the birds (something that Saint Louis is popular for, along with an international Jazz festival - happens in May though, unfortunately. That would have been awesome). Took a pirogue (a Senegalese boat) and went to go see the birds. Paid for a guide who was the President of the Communauté Locale responsible for the management of the national park. Along with a union of villages, these people clean up the park, take care of it, try to improve its image to tourists and also continue to live off of it (because it's where they live!). It was fantastic to see, and I applaud their efforts. The beach was noticeably more clean than that of beside the hotel where I'm staying.
(coastal beaches can often become the public toilet. Sad, perhaps, but true and necessary at times)
Guide, ride on pirogue, rented scooter (24 hrs), and entrance to park: 25 USD.

All in all, it was a fantastic day. Then the scooter got a flat, and I was way outside the city. 1 1/2 hrs later of walking, I took the other scooter the guy rents and used that instead until 11 am this morning.
. . .
Wed: this morning. Met up with Théo, a guy from France near the Switzerland border. Hung out with him for a bit (I had met up with him by chance yesterday). Talked about what we were respectively doing in Senegal. He on vacation had spent 1 month in the villages and 1 month outside them. I, well, I've been running around all over the place for the past 3 months, still have 3 months left, and am looking forward to seeing how it all pans out.
(plus, did I mention my sister's coming in 7 weeks? And my birthday's in 5?)

There is a crazy religious festival going on right now, and I would have left earlier today, but I didn't think anyone would really be leaving until after the prayers that have just happened (5 oclockish). The major bridge to the mainland has also been closed from 12 - 5 today as well. I'm just hoping that there will be some people going to Dakar in just a short little while.

But this morning I haggled for about 15 minutes over 10 cents and about 20 minutes for about $8 USD. Just, things have their relative price, and I no longer enjoy being taken. They were both fun things to do, and now I have one crazy pair of pants to show everyone. You want to talk about colour? The BiFall, a religious brotherhood of Islam here in Senegal, they wear crazy stuff. I'll have to show you guys some pictures (or point it out in the pics I took since none of them are too direct).

NEwho, so that's been my vacation. It's been great, and tonight, tomorrow, and part of Friday, I hope to be in Dakar. I'm back to work on Friday, debating attendance on Saturday to an intensely religious Islamic revéillée (or however that's spelled) that I was invited to, and then Sunday, I hope will be a last day of rest before running headlong into the next few weeks.

But there's both focus and variation in the upcoming month or so. We'll see how it all turns out. There's a lot of work to be done . . .

Hope you're all enjoying the fresh September air. Wish I were. I'm looking forward to the December shock that will be mine in about 3 months!